4 Reasons to Grow in Gentleness

Dr. Audrey Davidheiser Crosswalk Contributing Writer
Updated Jun 28, 2023

“An update from us that we are going to be gently placing this group down, and not working to make it happen any further at this time.”

The above text arrived from a couple of my colleagues. All ten of us met at a weeklong workshop on group therapy and afterward aspired to keep practicing.

Both colleagues offered to facilitate our post-training meetings. They created polls to determine dates when the majority of us could meet. Sent reminder emails. Repeated the entire process.

The thing is, our lofty aspiration failed to compete with the busyness of work, family, and so on, capping our meeting to three times total.

Hence the goodbye text.

Now that you’re clued in on the back story let’s circle back to the parting statement we started off with. The meaning is clear: the two colleagues decided to stop taking the lead in scheduling future meetings.

But did you notice how soothing their statement sounded? “Gently placing this group down.”

Scripture may say the end of a thing is better than its beginning (Ecclesiastes 7:8), but goodbyes are notoriously hard. This is why I appreciate any attempt to soften the landing, like by inserting the word gentle into the sentiment.

Which brings us to our topic.

What if we all pursue gentleness?

But Why?

If you’re wondering why bother—or why target gentleness in particular—there are at least four reasons.

1. Fruit of the Spirit

Gentleness is one of the nine qualities described by Galatians 5:22-23 as the fruit of the Spirit: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

Since Jesus wants us to bear fruit—and lots of it (John 15:8)—pursuing gentleness fits this goal.

You might have thought it’s up to God to grow the nine characters of this fruit. I used to share your belief until a verse set me straight: “Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness” (1 Timothy 6:11). Even though the original instruction was intended for Timothy, the fact that Paul exhorted his spiritual son to pursue gentleness (among other things) must mean that we, too, can exercise our will to obtain it.

2. Improving Lives

Despite the pleasant rhyme they generate, being gentle—or meek—isn’t weak.

To be gentle means the opposite. Literally. According to the concordance, gentleness means gentle strength.

But if gentleness means the ability to express power with reserve, then only those who have power—that is, the powerful—can exhibit gentleness.

No wonder King David once singled out God’s gentleness as the ingredient to his success (Psalm 18:35). Study how the following translations express his stance:

Your gentleness has made me great. (NKJV, ERV, ASV)
Your gentleness makes me great. (NASB, GWT)
Your help has made me great. (NIV, NLT)
Your willingness to help enables me to prevail. (NET)

Since our God doesn’t show favoritism (Romans 2:11), He can also channel gentleness to - and through - us.

But if the Lord’s gentleness transformed David into an overcomer, what can that same quality accomplish for you, me, and those whose lives we influence?

3. Like Father, Like Children

Ephesians 5:1 provides another reason to grow in gentleness. This verse instructs us to imitate God, who, as David experienced firsthand, is gentle.

For instance, when His Holy Spirit convicts us, there’s nothing heavy-handed about the ordeal. God won’t leave us feeling condemned. (When we feel criticized or judged, 1 John 3:20 makes it clear that our hearts are behind it. Not God.) Jesus, who perfectly embodied God in the flesh, self-described as gentle (Matthew 11:29).

But the above tends to get overlooked in favor of the widespread—but wrong—view of God. It’s common for folks to judge the God of the Bible as a punitive deity with an anger issue.

Which is why it’s imperative for His children to grow in gentleness. The gentler we are, the more the world might believe that our gentleness reflects that of our Father’s.

Review the last two translations of Psalm 18:35 from the previous point again. The NIV and NLT translate gentleness into help (or willingness to help, per the NET). There’s an insight waiting to be applied here. If we exhibit gentleness, others appraise us as willing to help, which will then endear us to them. That’s just human nature.

So, imagine if Christians cope by exhibiting consistent tenderness no matter the persecution—or peer pressure—we endure. What if everyone sees this and surrenders their hearts to God in response?

Wouldn’t this outcome alone make it worthwhile to pursue gentleness?

4. Sowing and Reaping

Picture this scenario. It’s December 23, and due to inclement weather, your flight has just been delayed for an entire day. The announcement is prompting you to march to the counter in search of an alternative flight because who wants to spend any extra time at the airport—particularly at Christmastime?

As you’re waiting in line, you can’t help but notice how the airline agent on the left maintains her calm smile, including when responding to the foul-mouthed passenger in front of you.

The agent on the right, meanwhile, barks out curt answers.

Which would you rather talk to?

I can almost hear your response. What a no-brainer. The gentle one, of course.

Chances are, our preference to interact with an affable person covers everyday situations, not just high-pressure ones like those described above. Whether it’s your daughter’s dentist or dance teacher, there’s something comforting when the person you talk to exudes soft-heartedness.

But if we prefer to deal with gentle individuals, we have the option of sowing the seed of gentleness first.

God decreed the law of sowing and reaping in the Old Testament. “As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease” (Genesis 8:22). The New Testament upholds this law, as Galatians 6:7 verifies: “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”

If we sow gentleness—by acting in tenderness toward others, even when we don’t feel like it—we can expect to reap gentleness.

The How-To

If this article whets your desire to grow in gentleness, perfect. Please pepper your prayer with the following request: “Lord, please help me become gentler.”

Prayer is a mighty weapon, so practice the above prayer regularly. But stay tuned if, in addition to praying for gentleness, you can use practical pointers on how to pursue it.

I won’t be surprised if an article addresses it soon.

Audrey Davidheiser, PhD is a California licensed psychologist, certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist, and IFSI-approved clinical consultant. After founding and directing a counseling center for the Los Angeles Dream Center, she now devotes her practice to survivors of trauma—including spiritual abuse. If you need her advice, visit her on www.aimforbreakthrough.com and Instagram @DrAudreyD.