4 Things to Consider before You Walk Away from the Church

1. Look at the life of Jesus, not the imperfect lives of others.

If the church has disappointed you, welcome to Planet Earth. The church is made up of imperfect people who make mistakes and do hurtful things, just like you. Scripture tells us “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23 NASB 1995)—even those who have been redeemed. Because we live in a fallen world, and face temptation all around us, and the desires of the flesh are strong, we can easily act like selfish individuals who hurt others without a second thought, even when we’re claiming to follow Jesus. That means no one—and I mean no one—is a perfect representation of the holy, sinless, loving, faithful God. If we could be perfect representatives of His, He wouldn’t have needed to send Jesus, to redeem us from our fallen nature and our sin-stained selves. Yet, God sent Jesus to live the perfect life as an example to us, and then to die a sacrificial death as a ransom for us.

Instead of looking to Christians as a picture of what a Christ-follower should be, look to Jesus as the Answer for all that you seek.   He is the One sincere believers strive to imitate, but fall short in doing so. Think about it. If we could walk the walk and talk the talk and do the God thing well, we wouldn’t have needed Jesus or the cross. But we fail. And we will continue to fail this side of heaven. So, please extend some grace toward others and realize you fail, too. And remember other Christians need God just as much as you do. We’ve just recognized it and realized if we walk away, we’ll only fail further. Keep your eyes on Jesus, and He’ll show you how to keep following Him. 

2. Examine your expectations.

If God has disappointed you by not meeting your expectations, I want to gently encourage you to ask yourself: If I am the created, do I have a right to demand from the Creator what I think He should do for me? (Isaiah 45:9). God isn’t our Cosmic Santa Claus. He’s our Creator Sustainer and Redeemer. And His ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-11). If you and I asked for a glimpse of His mind and His ways, we would begin to understand life isn’t about you and me and whether or not we are getting what we want. It’s about Him and His glory. And I shudder to think of the eternal consequences for you and me if we foolishly believe we can run our lives better than He can.

What do you and I have that hasn’t been given to us? Scripture tells us “Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow” (James 1:17). I know it’s easy to become bitter if you believe you haven’t received a “good thing” or a “perfect gift,” but the very breath in your lungs is a gift from God, as is your ability to think and reason and decide. The children you bore or raised are gifts from God. So is life itself. We can easily feel entitled to certain things from God and then embittered when we don’t receive them. Yet, God is generous and loving.  Although Scripture says “no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly” many of His best gifts to us may be what He determined to withhold from us for our eternal good (Psalm 84:11).

Something made you call yourself a Christian in the first place. Something made you enter the church doors. Jesus said, “You did not choose Me but I chose you” (John 15:16).

Don’t forget what He once did in your life when He opened your eyes to the free gift of His grace and eternal life. It wasn’t just an emotion. If your decision was true, then like a marriage, we stick with Him for better or for worse. He already made that commitment to you when He said: “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5 NKJV). He is faithful to us even when we’re not faithful to Him. Do you really want to walk away from the One who has loved and saved you unconditionally because He didn’t meet a few of your conditions? Unconditional love and grace is impossible to find apart from the Lord Jesus Christ. Treasure what you once had in Him and realize He has not changed… your circumstances and feelings have.

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3. Focus on the facts, not your feelings.

God’s Word contains facts about who He is. Yet our feelings tell us otherwise: God is punishing me. God no longer hears my prayers. God is absent. God is a figment of my imagination. I encourage you to focus on the facts of who God is, based on His Word which never changes. Your feelings and circumstances change daily but God and His character does not. Scripture assures us: “The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is [His] faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV).

 If you’re going through trials and you’ve had it, “consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18 NASB). And His Word promises He will work all things (even the unwanted, undesirable, and unthinkable things) for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. And He works them for good by making you and me more like His Son, Jesus, through our hardships (Romans 8:28-29). Trust Him, my friend. He knows what He’s allowing. He can see the scope of your entire life, on this earth and beyond, and you can’t. He is wisdom beyond understanding. And He still chose to love you, even if you don’t feel like it in this season of your life. It is impossible to please God without faith (Hebrews 11:6). So put your feelings aside, exercise faith, and trust in the unchanging, unswerving, never-ending love of God.

4. Do the right thing, not the easy thing.

It’s natural to want what is easy. And you may think it’s easier to walk away, to quit trying, to quit praying. But is that really easier? Is it easier to worry and become anxious than to pray  (Philippians 4:6-7)? Is it really easier to be angry than to love (1 Corinthians 13:1-4)?  Is it less difficult to run your own life than surrender to God? Surrendering our will to Him is the easiest thing in the world to do. It involves turning over to Him the reins of our life and falling into the gracious, merciful arms of a wise, loving, and forgiving God. Regardless of what kind of father raised or didn’t raise you, if you could experience a relationship with a wise, loving, truly good father who provided for you, protected you, and parented you better than anyone on earth, wouldn’t you embrace that? Don’t let the baggage of a poor earthly representation of a father jade your decision to trust the only Perfect Father who waits patiently for you with open arms.

And although it might feel easier at this point to give up on your faith, it doesn’t mean life will get easier. We still live in a fallen world. Crud still happens. Wouldn’t you rather go through the crud with Someone to hold you steady and work it for good in your life than go through it alone?

I’ve never heard of anyone who fully surrendered his or her life to God in obedience and later regretted it. However, we haven’t been able to hear the stories—or witness the horrors beyond the grave—of those who ultimately turned away from Jesus and decided they would do life on their own. I believe the Sovereign God when He says there will be eternal regrets for refusing the pursuing love of God and the atoning death of His Son.

Scripture solemnly warns: “Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin? But because you are stubborn and refuse to turn from your sin, you are storing up terrible punishment for yourself. For a day of anger is coming, when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed” (Romans 2:4-5 NLT).

I once received an email from a disgruntled and bitter former believer who offered me a “challenge” to “quit praying and even thinking about God for the next six months and see if anything in your life changes.” How tragic that he would even suggest such a foolish move. Why would I ever begin to assume that every good and perfect gift I have received has come from myself and not Him? How could the created dare to no longer acknowledge the generous Creator? How could I taste of the goodness of the Word of God and then turn my back on Him out of pride and arrogance? And lest you think I say that because my life has been showered with blessings, let me honestly say I’ve done my own share of messing up and suffering the consequences. But the blessings of obeying God, surrendering to Him, and living for Him as my master, have far outweighed anything I could have attained, accomplished, or enjoyed on my own.

Don’t walk away, loved one of God. Instead, fall back into the arms of the Only One who has loved you from everlasting to everlasting and has patiently called you by name. You may not understand what He’s doing or protecting you from, but trust that His plans for you are immeasurably more than you can think to ask or imagine. Because they are.

For more on getting to know the real Jesus and finding answers to your questions about Him and life, see Cindi’s books, Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs, and When a Woman Overcomes Life’s Hurts.

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