Why We Doubt Our Worth and Scriptures to Help Us Stop
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- Published Aug 28, 2023
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. So many of us heard that as children, and just as many learned how untrue that statement is. A bad word can sit with us long after we hear it. Whether an insult, an argument, or an unpleasant conversation, words carry weight. That’s especially true for those closest to us, like our parents, friends, or spouses. Sometimes, we can get over the hurt by the end of the day. Sometimes we struggle all our lives.
Perhaps, that is why Scripture admonishes believers to be extra careful about the words we speak.
“No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)
Words can be used to build up, but they can also be used to tear down. Some of us are carrying around hurt from things that happened in the past. We have been torn down. While we may desire a different mindset, we just aren’t sure how to get there.
You probably don’t need me to remind you that you’re hurting. Remembrances of past pain come to mind when we look in the mirror, when we see those who offended us, and when we lay down to sleep at night. The thoughts force themselves on us.
Certainly, we aren’t to blame for every hurtful thing said to us. Maybe not most of them. But even if we are not culpable, we are still responsible in some way. Not for what gets said, but for what is done after. See, we can’t choose what people say, but we can choose how we respond.
Too many of us dwell on the bad things that get spoken. We harbor unforgiveness, animosity, and more so than that, we begin to doubt ourselves. We doubt our worth in God’s eyes all because of what someone said.
The truth is that if you’re keeping a running list of past offenses, then be prepared to add to the list. People have said hurtful things, and people will continue to do so. And they won’t just say, they will also do. Even those closest to you could one day offer an unpleasant surprise.
That’s a part of life.
More importantly, we should not allow anyone’s words or actions, whether good or bad, to define us. People can affirm, but they cannot define us. To affirm is to confirm or encourage. To define is to give us meaning and significance.
We are defined by God, and He has determined that you are worthy. Maybe someone’s hurtful words or actions are preventing you from seeing that today, but His Word is true. The question, then, is what holds you back from believing that truth?
Why Do We Doubt Our Worth?
Parental Love
One reason adversity leads us to think negatively about ourselves is because we lacked affirmation growing up. Our parents didn’t say “I love you” enough, if at all. Perhaps they didn’t show up for sports games or recitals. In everyone’s case, we feel the impact of our parents’ influence on our lives. The same is true when they serve as a bad influence or as no influence at all.
Conflict
When a relationship falters, some of us have a tendency to instinctively blame ourselves. However, conflict is a part of life for everyone. Therefore, going through such an experience does not automatically mean you are to blame. And even if the conflict was a result of your actions, God is willing to forgive those who repent.
Internal Sin
As sin separates us from God, sin also has the power to make us doubt our worth. However, just as God is willing to forgive the conflict we cause with others, He is willing to forgive the sins we commit against Him and ourselves. Bad behavior does not make us unworthy of His love.
External Sin
Another reason we doubt ourselves is because of how people sin against us. Lying, cheating, violence, and other evils can make us think we are unworthy or lesser than. Yet, that couldn’t be further from the truth. People can affirm us, but they don’t define us.
Life
Harkening back to the misfortune of not having parents who love us or those who lack in their displays, some of us get dealt a tough hand in life. While we all face suffering, some of us have very rough upbringings. Even as adults, some of us have faced circumstances that most other people will never experience. Whatever life situations you find yourself in, remember that God created you. And in that creation process, He assigned you a purpose.
Your life has worth.
Remembering Our Worth
If you’ve never known or understood just how worthy you are, then I want to present the truth to you today. But more so than telling you, I want to offer you few verses to read, rehearse, and ultimately, remember.
The next time the doubts kick in, meditate on the truth.
“When I observe your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you set in place, what is a human being that you remember him, a son of man that you look after him?” (Psalm 8:3-4)
God has created many marvelous works, but none quite as great as you and me, those who bear His image.
“But God proves his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
Most people would agree that sacrifice is a form of love. If so, then God’s love is revealed through the death of Christ on the cross. He died so that we could live. That means our lives are worth something.
“Where can I go to escape your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.” (Psalm 139:7-8)
Is there anything we can do to separate ourselves from God’s love? This verse highlights the intimacy we find in a relationship with Him. If He pursues us to this degree, then we could never become unimportant just because of something a person says or does.
Conclusion
Sticks and stones can break our words, and words can surely hurt us. Words can hurt us deeply, but we always have a choice in how we respond. Do we succumb to the negativity presented to us, or do we cling to truth instead, recalling our worth and remembering just how much we mean to God?
You were worthy before that traumatic thing was said or done, and you are worthy afterward. You just have to remember that.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Marjan_Apostolovic
