5 Myths about Being a Submissive Wife
- Vivian Bricker Contributing Writer
- Updated Jul 24, 2023
The word “submissive” is a very taboo word in the modern day. Within Christianity, we hear a lot of talk surrounding what it means to be a submissive wife. The term “submissive wife” often is negative when it is used, but it shouldn’t be.
The modern world has turned it into something it is not, and it is best to debunk these myths. Here are five myths about being a submissive wife.
1. You Allow Your Husband to Abuse You
The first myth about being a submissive wife is that you allow your husband to abuse you. Many individuals think that being a submissive wife means that you allow your husband to abuse you — physically, mentally, and verbally.
This is a very dangerous mindset as it can cause others to believe that if they get married, it is okay to endure abuse within marriage. Abuse is never okay and goes against God’s design for marriage (Ephesians 5:22-33). Never should your spouse abuse you in any way.
Being a submissive wife means you are respected by your husband and that you submit to your husband as in the Lord. This means that you only submit in accordance with what God says.
If your husband tells you to do something that is not in alignment with what the Bible says, then submissive wives do not follow this. Submissive wives are not weak, nor are they uneducated.
Rather, submissive wives love their husbands, and their husbands love them back. Being submissive is mutual as the wife submits to her husband, but being submissive also means the husband submits to his wife too.
2. You Let Your Husband Walk All Over You
A second myth about being a submissive wife is that you let your husband walk all over you. Firstly, if your husband is walking all over you, it is time for a conversation and to talk with other trusted Christians.
If your husband is not treating you right or hurting you, it is going against Paul’s teachings in Ephesians 5:22-33. A submissive wife does not let her husband walk all over her, nor would he want to because he respects her.
Yet again, submissiveness is mutual as the marriage covenant is equally made between the husband and the wife.
Rather than allowing her husband to walk over her, a submissive wife is very much the same as the Proverbs 31 wife. Proverbs 31 details what a noble wife should be and what she should do.
A submissive wife does all these things, and in no way does Proverbs 31 describe someone who is weak or walked over.
She is a strong woman who stands her ground and works day and night for the well-being of her husband and family. As we can see, there is nothing negative about being a submissive wife.
3. You Do Everything Your Husband Says
A third myth about being a submissive wife is that you do everything your husband says. In no way is a wife supposed to do everything her husband says if it is not in agreement with the Lord.
Might I add that a husband who loves his wife and loves God wouldn’t ask his wife to do something bad or make her do something against her will.
In other words, a loving husband wouldn’t ask his wife to do anything that would harm her or make her feel bad about herself.
A submissive wife only submits to the Lord. She never submits to anything that goes against what God says in the Bible. Many times, people think submissive wives just listen to their husbands without making a decision on their own.
This is an incorrect view because submissive wives are strong, intelligent, and follow God. It is because of their faith in God that they are respectful toward their husband. In the same way, men need to be respectful of their wives and treat them well.
4. You Never Think for Yourself
A fourth myth about being a submissive wife is that you never think for yourself. This is far from the truth because submissive wives are very intelligent. They can think for themselves, make informed decisions, and make decisions without their husbands when they need to.
This is an important myth not to overlook when you are correcting your false view of submissive wives because they do think for themselves and normally are involved with making major decisions, such as having children, buying a home, and moving to a new city.
There are many cults in which the wives are taught not to think for themselves, but this is not the same as being a submissive wife within Christianity. As an example, many people believe the Duggar family shows an accurate view of submissive wives, yet this isn’t true.
The Duggars are involved with the IBLP, which is a cult that has had many charges pressed against it. Michelle Duggar has been programmed to act a certain way, such as to make her voice sound more “feminine,” to keep her hair long, and only to wear skirts and dresses.
Nowhere in the Bible are we told you have to be this way to be a submissive wife. Rather, respecting your husband and following God faithfully is what a truly submissive wife is.
Submissive wives can think for themselves and are more than capable of doing great things on their own. This is a truth that is often overlooked because of a diluted definition of submissiveness.
Submissive wives are not “out to lunch,” nor do they go along with whatever their husbands say. Rather, they think for themselves and choose to do the things that bring God the most glory.
Wives who are not submissive seek to find faults, start quarrels, and disrespect their husbands. A submissive wife avoids these things and trusts her marriage in the hands of God.
5. You Are Inadequate on Your Own
A fifth myth about being a submissive wife is that you are inadequate on your own. As a woman, it can often feel as though we are not good enough on our own, especially within Christian culture.
You are treated as less than if you are not married, and this can be hurtful. Of course, all people are valuable and loved by God, whether married or not. However, this false view of women can cause many people to believe that submissive wives are inadequate on their own.
True biblical submissive wives don’t rely on their husbands for everything. Rather, they are able to do things on their own, and they fully rely on one person — God.
If you have ever been taught the view that you would be inadequate on your own if you were a submissive wife, know this is not true. You are a valuable person now, and you will always be. You are 100% valued and loved just as you are.
If you get married one day and out of love for your husband, you become a submissive wife, know that is not a weakness.
The world has a different view of submissiveness in the present day, and it is not the same as the biblical definition. Submissive wives love their husbands, respect them, and submit to them. In this way, husbands love their wives, respect them, and mutually submit to them.
For further reading:
What Is the Biblical View of Submission?
Why Are Husbands Told to Love Their Wives?
5 Things Christians Get Wrong about ‘Wives Respect Your Husbands’
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