Do Marriages Need Sex?
Newly married couples are excited about all the intimate aspects of their marriage they will share, including sexual intercourse. Because God designed the marriage relationship to include sex, couples feel excited that they can share in these intimate moments together.
As marriages grow over time, the frequency and intimacy of sex can sometimes decrease. This can be attributed to many factors. Stress, business, overwork schedules, and family priorities. These are all things that can reduce the number of times a couple has sex within a week or month.
When a couple is emotionally and physically distant, it is easy to justify not having sex. This can be a dangerous idea for couples who want to maintain the intimacy in their marriage and not allow other external temptations or distractions to derail their relationship. Here are some reasons why marriages need sex:
God Created Marriage
In Genesis, God created Adam and Eve to work together in the garden and to rule and subdue the earth. Because of the fall, Adam and Eve no longer had the complete and total intimacy with God they desired. Therefore, God gave man and woman sex to fulfill that deep inner desire for connection, intimacy, and community. Sex meets deep physical and emotional needs that no other activity can fulfill. When married couples stop having sex, those innate desires and needs still need to get fulfilled. Sex was created by God and used in a way to help fulfill every human's need for connection.
In this video-driven world, pornography and other addictions can be used as substitutes for that intimacy. This is Satan's way of using empty substitutes to fulfill a person's inner longings. Couples need to be engaging in sexual activity regularly to make sure those needs are fulfilled within each other and not fulfilled by other external means. Satan also uses other substitutes to destroy the marriage relationship. But a couple united in harmony in every way thrives more than a couple divided. Satan knows one of the easiest ways to divide a couple is to have one spouse use empty substitutes to fill a void deep within them instead of looking to each other.
Couples Need Each Other
Not only does sex fill a couple's intimacy, but it also fulfills their basic need for connection. Not only are a married couple united physically through intercourse, but they are also united emotionally and mentally. Studies have shown that psychological bonds form between two people who have sex. Unlike movies and television messages, sex is not a meaningless activity. Instead, it is a moment created for deep connection in a way that no other relationship can fill.
When couples stop communicating, they stop expressing their deep longings and needs. When one person in the relationship is unsatisfied sexually, it can create a host of other lies that Satan plants in their minds. When those lies go unchecked, it can create a spouse's perception of the other that is untrue and can contribute to the decimation of their marriage.
Couples not only fulfill their bond as a couple but also as friends. Spouses who want to maintain long-lasting relationships know their spouses are their best friends. That person should know everything about them. A great way to connect with them in a way that other friendships cannot is through sexual intercourse.
Couples that do not have sexual activity on a regular basis understand that it is a sign of a much bigger problem. Couples that don't connect sexually are more than likely not connecting in their communication, and their emotional or mental needs are not being fulfilled. This is a recipe for disaster in any relationship, including a marriage.
Couples Need to Cling to One Another
The moment a couple gets married, Scripture says they will be united and become one flesh. This involves both spouses leaving their immediate family and creating a new one. They're able to create that family through procreation, which is only fulfilled through sexual intercourse. However, when problems arise, it is easy for one spouse to lean on their parents or siblings to help fill the void or gaps in their relationship. God tells us that when we get married, the spouse is the one who should fill that need for communication and social connectedness.
The best way a couple can leave their immediate family and begin a new one is through sexual intercourse. It is the one activity that both share that they cannot share with another friend or family member.
It Helps a Couple Fulfill a Sense of Belonging
Not only does a marriage fulfill the deeper needs each of us has for connection, communication, intimacy, and to feel wanted and needed, but it also creates a sense of belonging. Every person wants to feel like they belong to a group of people who love them exactly as they are. When spouses interact with each other and go to each other to fulfill those needs, their sense of belonging is also fulfilled.
They feel like they belong to a family unit and that their life has purpose and meaning. The best way a couple can fulfill that sense of belonging is with sex. When a couple has sex, it communicates to the other that they are the one and only person in their lives to whom they give their heart.
This is why God rejects sex outside of marriage. When people give their bodies to other people, they also give their souls. Their hearts belong to someone else because it creates that psychological and intimate bond with someone other than their spouse. When a person gives their body to someone other than their spouse, that sense of belonging never gets fulfilled.
That is because it creates a spirit of comparison and jealousy. Spouses can wonder whether they truly have their spouse's full attention or if they're thinking about someone else. When two people save themselves for marriage and give their bodies over to each other, it helps them to know that they belong to them and only to them.
Marriage Reflects the Love God Has for the Church
Marriage is a bond that affirms the desire to feel wanted, needed, and desired and reflects Christ's relationship with the local church. Throughout Scripture, marriage is often used as a symbol of the love Christ has for fellow believers. Christ loved us so much that he gave his life for us. In the same way, two people who love each other learned to give themselves up for the other. Ephesians 5:22-23 provides the best example of what a marriage relationship should be like.
When a husband loves his wife above himself, and a wife submits to her husband's authority and leadership, the marriage relationship can work. When the marriage relationship is going well, couples want to engage in sexual activity to please each other and to meet each other's needs. When a couple engages in sexual activity, they express a love that goes deeper than any other type of relationship in their lives. That love is the reflection of the love Christ has for his church.
While marriage can still survive without sex, couples need to have sex, so they can thrive. Not only does it meet deep longings and needs, but it also establishes a sense of belonging that reflects the love God has for the church. When people can reflect love, non-believers are drawn to them and are pointed to Christ.
Related Resource: Lopsided Libido - How to Deal with Different Sex Drives
Do you and your spouse have different sex drives? Does one spouse want sex way more often than the other? Many married couples have different sexual desires. This episode will help you to communicate effectively about those differences and create a sex life you both enjoy. The first thing you need to know is that having different sexual desires is normal. Most married couples deal with this. There is nothing wrong with you or your marriage. The problem begins when you try to make your spouse’s sex drive match yours. The Rebuilding Us Podcast is all about helping marriages thrive. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to The Rebuilding Us Podcast on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
Originally published July 09, 2025.
