Marriage Advice From A Christian Perspective

Get Your Man to Open Up in 3 Easy Steps

  • Pam Farrel 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband
  • 2017 17 Apr
Get Your Man to Open Up in 3 Easy Steps

We have a secret for you, one your husband may not even be able to verbalize: you may be the only person he feels truly safe with. Emotionally, guys guard themselves. For many men, it is only his wife that he will completely open up to and share his deepest hopes, fears, frustrations, pains and stressors.  When you are an expressive wife, your husband won’t feel so alone. 

Genesis 2:18 notes, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” The term alone means to be isolated, curtained off, or in prolonged solitude. God made a wife so that man would not have to be facing life alone.  As you express your love to your man, you create a secret safe house for your husband—and he will learn to be verbally expressive toward you. 

If you were in the witness protection program, the legal authorities would lodge you in a safe house to ensure your ability to communicate vital truths at an appropriate time. In the same way, empathy, and an expressive caring heart can become a safe house for your husband. 

Les and Leslie Parrot, in Trading Places recommend a simple empathy process: I notice you. I feel with you, and so I act to help you.

One action you can take to help your husband feel safe to open up is to create an honor journal to help you keep a soft heart toward your husband. Dr Gary Smalley explains why he keeps on honor journal:

“If you want to create a safe environment that encourages healthy relationships to grow, then start by honoring those around you. Picture those individuals as people autographed by God… imagine giving those people a standing ovation… another practical way to recognize value a person… is to keep a list of all the good qualities of that person… That way I can see them as God sees them, and my perspective changes.” 

Tips for Red Hot Romance  

A man wants his body touched—but he also wants his heart, mind and life touched by your care and kindness. Reach out and express your loving touch: 

Touch his interests. If you want to get a man to share what is really going on inside his mind and soul, you have to love what he loves. A man is much more likely to open up if you “experience life” with him, side by side, doing what he loves. Dr. William Harley in His Needs, Her Needs explains that the second-most pervasive need for a husband is recreational companionship.  

Touch his body. You can open him up emotionally if you touch him physically. Even a small touch can do great good.  Erin-Faye Frans cites research that a six-second hug makes the receiver feel happier, braver and less fearful. When we feel emotionally close, oxytocin is released which “helps ease our fears and increase our trust levels.”

Touch his heart. Listen to him. In my book, Red Hot Romance Tips for Women, I teach wives to use the SOFTER listening method:

Stop what you are doing and turn toward him.

Open up your body language.

Find keywords, or a key phrase to repeat. 

Try not to take it personally.

Express affirming emotions.

Respond with loving action.

To help wives accomplish the goal of expressing a SOFTER side, we have a 26-day Red Hot Wife Challenge to gain the traits to be a more loving wife. As you express a SOFTER touch, it will feel as if you have a stethoscope that will help you listen beyond the words and hear your man’s heart. 

Pam and Bill Farrel are authors of 40 books including best-selling Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti. Wives can register for the Red Hot Wife Challenge at: Husbands can download the Her Best Friend phone app to gain a daily idea to romance their wife: More resources are available at

Publication date: February 22, 2016