How Can Couples Stand Together Amidst Family Drama?
Life is full of adversity, and sometimes these trials originate in our own family units. The stress family drama can bring into our lives can be overwhelming, as we care so deeply about those in our extended family units. In our marriages, we must be intentional to ensure that family divisions in our extended families don’t create divisions in our relationship.
Matthew 19:4-6 says, “He answered, 'Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
We must stand together as man and wife, finding ways to support each other and live in unity even amidst adversity.
Keep Lines of Communication Open
Even when frustration rises as a result of tension brought on by other family members, do your best to keep the lines of communication open between you and your spouse. Some tips for good communication include practicing active listening. This involves making eye contact, avoiding interruptions, and giving each other your full attention. Set aside tasks and devices when talking so that both of you feel valued and heard.
My husband and I have even gone so far as to fashion a talking stick that we each hold while sharing our feelings, serving as a visual reminder to listen carefully to each other while we speak. The rules of the stick are that we must not interrupt, we have to say something supportive in response to our spouse's concern, and we have to give each other our undivided attention. Our stick is a little silly, but there is something really helpful about having a tangible object to remind us of the rules for communication we are trying to abide by.
Support Each Other
Remember that you guys are a team, and you're supposed to be each other's ultimate ally. Genesis 2:24 states, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” You and your spouse are one flesh. That means when one of you faces adversity, you both face adversity. You have to handle these situations with unity.
Some ways to remain on the same team include identifying shared goals as a couple. Do you both want to see reconciliation happen with your extended family? Do you want to maintain a clear set of boundaries with family? Do you desire to seek counsel on how to navigate this conflict? Define some goals that you can work towards together in how you handle this situation as a family unit.
Make sure you show each other respect and love as you navigate your circumstances. Once you stop offering each other kindness, it becomes so hard to stay on the same page. Maintain a calm and tender tone when speaking to one another. Offer each other empathy and patience as emotions bubble to the surface when addressing what is going on. Continue to remind each other that you are on the same team.
Set and Enforce Boundaries
While the stress of family drama is bound to impact us, establishing healthy boundaries in our marriages can help protect our peace. Remember, someone else's feelings are not your feelings. Personally, as a very empathetic person, it can be challenging to distinguish my own feelings from those of others. I have to actively remind myself that just because someone else is upset does not always mean that I have to be upset. You can have joy in your home even when others around you are battling negative emotions.
Determine what you can do as a couple to protect your peace. Maybe you need to limit contact with certain family members. You could set specific times of the day to pray and talk about the ongoing issue, and then, after that, let your thoughts move away from this situation. Find a counselor, mentor, or therapist to help you approach this situation more peacefully.
When interacting with your family, choose your battles wisely. It’s important to engage only when you feel it’s productive and when you feel God leading you to speak. Try to avoid escalating the situation. Sometimes it’s okay to agree to disagree about certain things in order to keep the peace.
Avoid Taking Sides
As a spouse, your job is to support your partner. If your partner is stuck in the middle of family drama, avoid pitting yourself against them by taking sides. Try to be a supportive and neutral sounding board. If you see there are things they need to do to help the situation, pray that God will reveal the steps they should take. Trust that God can guide your steps as a unit.
Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” When we walk alongside our partner through trials, we cannot rely on our own understanding. We must trust in the Lord to guide us. To make our paths straight. He is our provider and our guide, especially when life feels chaotic and unsure. Ask God to take the side of your family, showing you both the best way forward through this situation.
Practice Keeping Emotions Under Control
Keeping our cool when drama is unfolding around us is really difficult. It takes an active and intentional effort to live with self-control under this kind of stress. Some ways to remain calm while handling tricky situations include regular deep breathing.
Deep breathing techniques calm the central nervous system, enabling us to respond with our thinking brain rather than our feeling brain. Try the 4-7-8 technique, where you inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds. This is a quick way to better manage your stress and invite peace into your body.
Some other strategies include prayer and journaling. Write down your concerns in your journal and take time to pray over them, releasing the situation to the Lord. The Psalms are full of heartfelt cries to the Lord, but always at the end of the prayer, the writer was reminded that God is greater than our circumstances and can be trusted.
Exercise can help keep our bodies under control. Take a walk, go to the gym, run, bike, or engage in any physical activity to help your mind better cope with the stress you are feeling.
Employ Empathy
As much as possible, employ empathy when engaging with each other and your family. It’s so easy to see our own point of view; we clearly understand our own hurts, but it takes time and effort to empathize with others.
1 Peter 3:8 instructs, “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.”
These can be hard words to live by, but they are full of wisdom. We must offer our sympathy, tenderness, humility, and brotherly love to the people that we are close to. When we take this posture, God is able to bring healing and unity even in the most difficult of circumstances. Foregoing our right to be right and trusting God to bring his justice is a powerful way to love those around us with God’s love.
God is able to do abundantly more than we can ask or imagine with our circumstances. As couples, we can trust that God can carry us through our drama and allow us his supernatural peace.
Originally published November 12, 2025.
