Is it Biblical to Find ‘The One’ in Marriage?

Vivian Bricker Contributing Writer
Published Sep 15, 2022

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Finding “the one” has been an interesting topic for decades. In our modern society, finding “the one” is the main goal of many individuals, both in Christian circles and secular circles.

In addition to being the main goal in many men's and women’s minds, there is a vast amount of films, television shows, and songs, which all stress the emphasis in the modern age of finding “the one.”

It is not surprising that finding “the one” has become a popular desire for many individuals across the globe.

The One

“And if my wishes came true, It would've been you/In my defense, I have none/For never leaving well enough alone/But it would've been fun/If you would've been the one” (“The One,” Taylor Swift).

These lyrics from Taylor Swift’s song, “The One,” describes how individuals feel in the modern-day surrounding finding “the one.” While the Bible does tell us marriage is a good thing, nowhere are we told that we will all find “the one.”

Moreover, many individuals equate “the one” with being their perfect partner, as described in fictional books, movies, and television shows. Many individuals will get married, but there are no “perfect” wives or husbands. Every single person sins, as we all have a sinful nature.

Romans 3:23 tells us, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” It is unfair to place the unrealistic standards of the perfect “one” on your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife. Despite the teachings of the world, we are never told in the Bible that we will find “the one.”

Marriage is a wonderful part of God’s creation, yet not all people will get married. Paul tells us that singleness is a gift from God as Paul says, “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that” (1 Corinthians 7:7).

Additionally, Matthew 19:11-12 records Jesus’ words, “Jesus replied, ‘Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.’”

From the Lord’s words and from Paul’s words, we are told that being single is a gift from God and that if we are meant to be single, we should accept it as we will have more time to serve the Lord. Thus, from Jesus’ and Paul’s words, we are not given the information that we will each find “the one.”

While this can be discouraging for many individuals, know that your singleness is a blessing and a gift from the Lord. When a person gets married, their focus on Christ is not as strong as it was before they were married (1 Corinthians 7:1-16).

After a person is married, their concerns are on their spouse and how they can please their spouse rather than the Lord. Know that your singleness is a wonderful gift, and use this time to grow closer to the Lord.

If anything, finding “the one” to make your soul complete is only found in Christ. A husband or wife cannot fulfill your heart as the Lord can.

Many individuals believe getting married will heal them of their loneliness, insecurity, or depression, but marriage does not heal any of these problems.

It is likely you will start having more problems after you get married because marriage is not a walk in the park, as shown in fantasy films and television shows.

The only “one” we truly all need is Jesus Christ. Romans 8:38-39 tells us this truth, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

The only one who can truly love us despite all of our sins, faults, and failures is Jesus Christ. The love Jesus has for us is agape love, which only God possesses towards us as His children. He loves us all deeply, and His love never wavers.

As stated, marriage is a beautiful part of God’s creation, but our goal in life should not be set on finding a spouse or “the one.” In Christ, we are given completeness as Colossians 2:10 says, “and in Christ, you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority.”

Despite what the world tells us or even what we have heard from other Christians, we are already complete because we know Jesus as our Savior and Lord.

As soon as we have accepted Christ as our Savior, we are complete, and we lack nothing. Do not believe for one second that your singleness means you are lacking anything because you are already complete in Christ.

Turning to the Lord

Finding “the one” is not a biblical concept as it is not found in the Bible. Marriage is spoken of to a great extent in the Bible, but nowhere does the Bible tell us that we will find the perfect “one.” Since we are all fallen, no person can meet our perfect criteria of being “the one.”

As in any relationship, there are going to be problems and difficulties, yet if both the man and woman are centered on Christ, they will be able to work through the problems. Even within Christian relationships and marriages, there are no perfect relationships or marriages.

The media has portrayed the imagery of having romantic relationships and has glorified it to the point that it makes us all yearn to find “the one.”

In our minds, we think finding “the one” will fix our problems, help us feel loved and known, as well as give us a partner to go through life with, yet the Bible never tells us we will find “the one.”

What Does This Mean?

Ultimately, “the one” we all need is Jesus, as we all become complete when we accept Him as our Savior and Lord. The Lord loves us unconditionally, and He is always there to welcome us home even when we have messed up terribly.

The love Jesus has for us never wavers as He is the same today, yesterday, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He never loves us less, and He couldn’t love us more. Every day remind yourself of this fact — God loves you unconditionally, and He is the one who completes you.

Only by knowing Christ can the void in our souls be filled. While finding “the one” sounds romantic and poetic, the Bible never tells us we will find “the one.”

Rather, the Bible does tell us we are complete and whole at the moment we accept Jesus as our Savior and Lord. The love God has for you far extends the love a human being could ever offer.

For further reading:

How Can Believing in Soulmates Ultimately Ruin Your Marriage?

Is ‘Match Made in Heaven’ in Marriage Biblical?

Does God Give the Promise of Marriage to Us?

What Should Christians Know about Soul Ties?

Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master's degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.