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Lasting Love Requires Accountability

Lasting Love Requires Accountability

I have seen great power in “sistering” to help one another learn to love our husband wiser, better, stronger and more faithfully. You might be braver, more willing and able to follow through, if you have some accountability; a friend, a sister, a mentor, a book club or even a Bible study group can walk the path together. Of course you will guard your privacy, and not “kiss and tell” - but you can share your hopes, dreams, fears, frustrations and cheer each other forward as you all seek to nurture your marriages.

Studies say of those with accountability partners, 76% of them achieve their goals. We all need cheerleaders in life—why not cheerleaders in love, too? In our newest book, Red Hot Romance Tips for Women, I share one of these powerful “sistering” love stories. We also have a book called Red Hot Monogamy, an 8 week guide book to turn up the temperature behind the bedroom doors. It is made for a couple to read together. In it there is “hands-on homework” (pun completely intended—it's homework you WANT to do!) including 200 “red hot” ideas.

One reader, a woman in leadership (just looking for a few ideas to add some sizzle to an already good marriage) read it and applied many of the creative ideas—and her marriage went from good to great. She was leading discussion with a small group of women and they were talking about marriage, and afterward, one woman came up to her in tears. It seems her marriage was unraveling, and it had been a long time since she and her husband had enjoyed “red hot monogamy.” So she gave another friend the Red Hot Monogamy book.

Her friend, in tears, packed the book into a suitcase and took it on a family reunion trip her husband was unable to attend because of his work. She prayed that in its pages she would learn something—anything—that might rescue her marriage and bring their love back. Reflecting on this moment, she lamented, “My marriage was not only lacking the 'red hot' part, but we were also losing ground as friends as well.” Life’s responsibilities, daily pressures, time apart for work, the kids—all the typical daily pressures were pulling them apart. Like many women, she was frightened the isolation, loneliness, and lackluster of their marriage would erode to the point they might lose the love they both had so highly valued at one point.

Love was not 'red hot,' but as she began to read, her heart warmed toward her husband. While on her trip she went to a chapel that they had visited as a couple in their early marriage. She knelt at the feet of a statue of Jesus and cried out in prayed her confession of hurt, anger, pain, and fear. As she left her anger and resentment there, the ember of optimism was fanned.

So this hopeful wife began to call home, and each night, she would read aloud portions of Red Hot Monogamy over the phone to her husband. Meanwhile, during the days she was away for work, her husband deep cleaned the entire house, repainted their bedroom and did his best to spruce up their “love nest.” When she entered eight days later and saw the tangible acts of love and desire on his part, she was impressed. “When I came home, my husband had painted our room, gotten new pillows, had (and keeps) fresh flowers in a vase, framed favorite love poems and a picture of where he proposed. He said, 'I'm getting the castle ready for my queen to return.' We've been walking, journaling, doing devotions and praying together. I have my husband back!”

Pam and Bill Farrel are international speakers, authors of over 38 books including their newest Red Hot Romance Tips for Women and The Secret Language of Sucessful Couples. More of Pam and Bill’s resources are available at

Publication date: February 10, 2014