Should Christians Use Matchmakers and Dating Coaches?
We live in an age where there are more platforms, apps, and outlets for dating than at any other time in history, so why does modern dating feel so complicated? Have these social media offshoots helped or hindered society when it comes to romance? This has led many to consider going back to the age-old practice of seeking a matchmaker for a spouse. Should Christians seek help from matchmakers and dating coaches?
What Is a Matchmaker?
A matchmaker is far more than the character behind the infamous tune in The Fiddler on the Roof. The role of a matchmaker is not only to find and connect eligible singles, but to pair two people who share the same morals, beliefs, and core values. This surpasses simple question prompts and digs into a wide range of considerations before even setting up a meeting. This profession has been practiced since ancient times and remains relevant today.
What Is a Dating Coach?
A dating coach differs from a matchmaker; there is not necessarily an introduction made between two people. Instead, the assistance is in helping prepare someone to date well. Much like a gym trainer, a dating coach identifies areas that need toning, strengthening, or adjustment in how someone navigates romance. There are often aspects of one’s life that they overlook or miss in how they approach the opposite sex, and a dating coach is there to help that person pivot, grow, or shift so they are set up for success.
Do You Need a Tune-Up First?
There are very important questions to ask before signing up for a matchmaker, a dating coach, or even dating apps. If you are in a place where you desire to enter into a committed, loving, mature relationship, it is only right to check your own heart. This is not something to do alone, because there are blind spots that can be missed. First, ask the Lord to make you aware of unhealthy habits, red flags, or sabotaging practices. A great Scripture to pray to begin this personal audit is Psalm 139:23-24, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting!” (ESV).
In doing this, you must be prepared for what is exposed or revealed to be convicting. But it is brought to light for a greater purpose. This is not just so you can be a better mate, but also so you may be a better version of yourself in the long run. In addition to inviting the Holy Spirit to uncover places that need some work, intentionally bring in godly friends, mentors, or a therapist who truly has your best interest at heart. God can often speak or affirm what He has spoken to you through others, which will help avoid an echo chamber. Doing this work will serve you well moving forward.
What Is Right for You?
During your prayer focus with the Lord for the inner work, ask Him to guide you in the next steps of your journey. Ask God to set your heart to His Will, not just for marriage, but for the whole of your life. Psalm 37:4 shares, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (ESV). Although this verse is commonly quoted, as we dig deeper, we find even richer treasures within. The Hebrew word for delight is ʿānaḡ, which means to be delicate and soft. In essence, we are allowing Him to mold and shape us, but to do so, we must surrender all preconceived notions, assumptions, and the need to control circumstances. A surrendered heart is open to His plan, even if it is something you never considered before. This plan may include assistance from a dating coach to motivate and train you to date well, or a matchmaker to bring two people together. Every relationship is unique, but trust that God cares even more about your love story than you do.
No Two Love Stories Are Alike
The Bible is not exactly full of cookie-cutter boy-meets-girl stories when it comes to marriage; in fact, it is full of one-of-a-kind tales that only God could orchestrate. A prime example of this is of Issac and Rebekah. Issac was the son of Abraham, and when it came time for him to marry, Abraham asked a trusted servant to help him find a suitable wife. Genesis 24 tells the story of how the servant prayed for very specific help from God, knowing that leaning on his own understanding could lead to unnecessary chaos. Because he asked for God’s clarity, his prayer was answered, and God moved in a marvelous way to have just the right girl meet Abraham’s trusted ally. Another instance of a God-Authored love match is that of Ruth and Boaz. Ruth happened upon a field one day to provide for her household, and by being faithful to her portion for the day and seeking wisdom from her elders (Naomi), she found herself the bride of a good, godly man named Boaz. The encouragement singles can draw from ancient glories such as these is that God is moving in ways we cannot see and in ways that surpass understanding. We do not need to control the narrative; rather, we need to simply obey where He is leading in the next step. He knows what is best for you and when, but you must be willing to trust His way.
How Do I Contact a Matchmaker or Dating Coach?
An asset of a very digital age is that access to a dating coach or matchmaker is not as difficult as it was before. Be sure to pray for the Holy Spirit to help you know who a good fit is to walk alongside you in this endeavor, and do your research. See if they have reviews, content, or materials that fully align with the Bible and are trustworthy. Specifically for dating coaches, consider procuring resources that benefit you outside of sessions, such as books, podcasts, or topical sermons. Think of it like going to those gym training classes, but also adding in a healthy diet outside of the gym. This will help set you holistically as you take dating seriously. Lastly, don’t blow off the set-ups from those at Church. If someone has a single niece or nephew, listen a little longer; don’t just brush it off. It may be a creative way God will use someone in your life as a conduit for a greater good. Don’t do anything in a knee-jerk fashion—instead, make intentional moves and choices.
Don’t Lose Hope
Receiving a hand from a matchmaker or dating coach is not a sign of giving up or a last resort; it may just be part of God’s plan for your life. Just because it looks a little different than the lives of those around you does not mean that it is any less meaningful, holy, or precious. Take time today, even a few minutes, to really press into prayer with the Lord and ask Him to make it remarkably clear to your heart, with conviction, what to do next.
Related:
Have you ever used a matchmaker or dating coach? Do you think single Christians should ever use them as a resource in modern dating? Join the conversation and share your thoughts on Crosswalk FORUMS!
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Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Ippei Naoi
Originally published April 15, 2026.
