The Hard Steps to Take When Someone Hurts Us
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- Updated Mar 22, 2023
“But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin” (1 John 1:7).
One cleansing breath at a time, I forced my feet to move forward. After being hurt, it’s hard to return to the scene. I have grown to dread the environments when relationships are fractured beyond repair. It happens when only one side is willing to step into the light, and the other prefers to camp out in the darkness of dismissal.
“What is wrong with me?” I asked a friend. “Why is this happening again?”
She listened and answered, “You love big. I’m thankful for it."
Nothing takes the sting out like someone who comes alongside and says, “I understand.” When things go wrong, and we can’t fix it, or we can’t seem to be heard, what do we do? We turn to the Word. Jesus, in the Sermon on the Mount, gave us wisdom which we can apply in situations with difficult people and hurt relationships:
“You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too. If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles. Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow” (Matthew 5:38-42).
We can take the following wise notes from Christ Jesus:
1. Humility
Jesus was humble, and He teaches us to be the same way. It’s hard not to be offended when we’re offended, but if Jesus can do it, we surely can. He took on the cross and the mockery, He left heaven to come to earth as a baby and grow up just as we do. He wanted to be able to say, “I understand.” And He does. So we can turn the other cheek, too. (Note - there are abusive relationships which require boundaries. Never feel afraid to seek help.
2. Generosity
Jesus was generous – with His time, healing, and wisdom. We, too, can be generous in our forgiveness, mercy, grace, and kindness. Instead of being stingy and pulling back, we can free people and free ourselves from the twisted mess of conflict and division.
3. Servanthood
Jesus was sent not to be served, but to serve. He said it Himself, and walked it out on earth. Many of our agendas are self-serving. For some reason, we think the solution to conflict and division is to win the better reputation at the end of it. Jesus served the very people who mocked Him, denied Him, and abandoned Him. We should seek to serve, not just when it’s easy, but with the difficult people as well.
Reverse Revenge
This is the roadmap to revenge in reverse. It’s not getting revenge at all. Not seeking it, and in fact turning and running from it. Jesus gives us the steps in the verses above. Instead of being offended, be humble. Seek to be generous, even when we might want to pull back, refrain, and cut off completely when we’re hurt. Finally, serve the people who hurt us. Jesus said:
“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends the rain on the just and the unjust alike” (Matthew 5:43-45).
Hard work. Jesus is asking us to completely forgive without receiving an apology. He’s suggesting it’s better to humbly accept the situation instead of arguing for our side. Jesus is telling us to be nice to the people who are mean to us. I love Jesus, but I am not Him, so I need these reminders, and I need His Holy Spirit to help me obey what He is saying.
Revenge isn’t the answer. Revenge in reverse is love. Jesus was clear: Love people. Love the hard people and the easy people. Love the right people and the wrong people. Love the people who love you well and love the people who hurt you. When we obey God, He blesses us. Not rewards – blessing might just be reward in reverse! It’s not a bribe, it’s the favor of the almighty God, growing us into people who look and act and point to the Savior of the world – Jesus.
God isn’t calling us to be a doormat in this life. Healthy boundaries are essential, especially in the world of easy access. But to make sure we are forming boundaries and not building walls, take Jesus’ words into consideration. Obey them, apply them, and try living them out. It’s going to feel clunky, dreadful, and wimpy at first. It’s just not the way the world tells us to react, nor is it the way our selfish nature wants to react. However, we are children of God, and it’s the way our Father commands us to live. His wisdom is for our good. He is good, and His plans for our lives are good. Instead of revenge, let’s trust Him and obey.
Father,
Praise, glory, and honor for who You are, God. Thank You for the wisdom You give us, and the forgiveness we have in Christ Jesus for the times we do seek revenge. We all have times in life when we have argued our side instead of embraced humility. Serving people who are mean to us is probably something a lot of us have refused to do at some point in our lives. Generously giving, even forgiveness to those who have stepped on and betrayed us, is really hard, and probably not something a lot of us are good at.
Father, we know we don’t have to execute and obey these things perfectly in our lives, and for that we are extremely thankful! Help us to at least aim to obey You, God, with pure and genuine hearts seeking You with all we are to love others the way You say we are supposed to. The hard people and the easy people. Because we know, we all tend to be both at one time or another. Help us to forgive forward, giving what we would hope to receive when we seek it one day, God. Lord, we pray for miraculous forgiveness and reconciliation, where relationships have been broken apart in our lives. Please, soften hearts on all sides, and piece us back together as You intended us to live.
In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen.
Additional Reading:
Exodus 21:24
Luke 6:27-28
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