3 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Thriving When Things Are Already Good
The other day, I was helping my middle daughter fold her mountain of laundry while listening to 80’s songs (which, to be honest, was part of the reason I was helping her because I love the music from my generation), when my husband came into her doorway with “that face.” Maybe you know the face I am talking about. It’s the face of a question that speaks no words but declares the immediate need for attention. Deep down, I knew we needed some couple time; it was well overdue.
Let’s just say raising three daughters, who range in age, poses a bit of a strain on our union at times. So, with a quick wink to my girl, I signaled that she needed to finish her laundry, and I was going to spend some quality time with her dad. Yet, before I walked out of her bedroom, she gently grabbed my arm and asked the sweetest question – How do you stay so in love with dad after all these years?
Honestly, it caught me off guard, and I wasn’t really sure how to answer that so jolly on the spot, so my immediate response was, “It takes work.” But, if I were to really dig deeper into that question, I would add that it takes intentionality and humility to submit, serve in love, and allow your own heart to be sanctified.
Maybe you have also pondered that question. Whether it be your own marriage or that of another couple you admire, you want to know the blissful secret. Marriage surely is a beautifully complicated relationship, isn’t it? But how often do we address this question, or the quality of our love barometers, when things are good? Better yet, to make it more personal, how do you respond when your marriage has hit a stride and is currently in a “sweet spot”? Well, grab your sweetheart and get ready to open the lines of communication, because we’re going to talk about it!
1. Submit to Christ First
1. Submit to Christ First
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21. Take a moment to discuss this verse as a couple. What do you think Paul is trying to drive home here?
The instruction for a Christian married couple is clear. We are each called to submit to the Lord - first! What does that mean exactly?
Submission merely means to give and honor. We are to give our lives to Jesus as individuals and honor the sanctity of marriage by obeying His commands and seeking His will. As you dig deeper into this passage, Ephesians 5:22-33 has a beautiful depiction of how God designed marriage and purposefully created each role to draw us closer to Him as His beloved sons and daughters.
Wives are called to submit to their husbands in respect of their leadership, protection, and provision. Husbands are to honor and cherish their wives and love them as Christ loved the church. It’s in this beautiful exchange where God has granted man the ability to care and tend to the needs of his wife to feel secure and adored. And for the woman to have the dignity and grace to honor her husband by respecting his position within the household, allowing him to lead. Equally loved, equally needed, equally giving and honoring to serve the Lord - together.
If we want our marriages to continue to thrive, we must put Jesus at the center and allow Him to lead us in this most sacred covenant.
Ways to submit to Christ individually, and as a couple:
-Pray for your spouse daily
-Pray as a couple
-Read Scripture together
-Honor your God-given role
Husbands, cherish your wife and treasure her heart by practicing selfless and sacrificial love that places her safety, well-being, and needs above your own as Christ did for the church.
Wives respect your husband and his leadership with gentle and reassuring affirmations and gestures that aim to protect his heart and grow him as a man of God.
Express gratitude for your spouse and what they contribute to your marriage with humility and grace.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/andreswd
2. Serve One Another—in Love
2. Serve One Another—in Love
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus. Philippians 2:3-5
Read this verse aloud with your spouse and discuss what the apostle Paul is trying to convey to us as believers and as married couples.
While this is addressing the church of Philippi and their need to resolve conflict with dignity, grace, and humility, it is also a direct lesson that we can tuck into our hearts.
Marriage is not all roses with whimsical music playing as your hearts romantically collide. As you well know, it’s often really difficult, especially when situations become a place for division. When you just can’t seem to see eye-to-eye on things, words get mixed with messy emotions, and gestures come across as a little less than sincere, your holy matrimony may not feel so “holy.” We may naturally respond by building walls or brushing it off, but over time, these actions can lead to deep-seated hurt as we become unaware of our spouse’s needs. As we tend to bend to our naturally selfish and sinful ways, we must fight the urge to disconnect from our spouse and remember that our vows declared that marriage comes with a hefty dose of humility and selfless sacrifice.
As we continue reading Philippians 2:6-8, we see how Jesus provides a beautiful example of a humble, selfless servant. This is the image we are to reflect in our marriage. Jesus was the epitome of servanthood. We see countless actions of this love as He healed the sick, served the lonely, ministered to the lost, washed the disciples’ feet, fed the hungry, and responded with compassion and genuine love.
We are called to serve our spouse in the same manner, with sincerity, compassion, and an earnest heart, seeking to deliver love to our spouse. When things are already “good” in your marriage, it creates the perfect opportunity to cultivate a servant-heart and faithfully serve your spouse.
Ways to serve your spouse:
-Consider your spouse’s love language and “speak” to their heart accordingly
-Be an active and attentive listener
-Provide support for daily activities
-Plan for uninterrupted time to be together
-Extend forgiveness and receive grace as needed
3. Sanctification in Marriage
3. Sanctification in Marriage
And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18
Our marriages serve one main purpose: to sanctify us and make us more like Christ. What God brought together and joined as one flesh through a sacred covenant (Genesis 2:24 and Mark 10:9) is all part of a sanctifying journey. Take a moment to turn to your spouse and share how God has grown you individually as a believer. What areas do you feel He is still fine-tuning? How can you support your spouse in these efforts?
As you discuss these matters with your spouse, who is essentially “part of your own flesh,” take the initiative to equip, encourage, and support one another to grow spiritually. When you are already in a good place in your union, it creates a sweet space where you both can see each other with vulnerable transparency and minister to one another’s hearts. It also takes into account the precious way God sees your precious spouse, as you view them as a beloved child, leading you to love them in a way that honors God.
When we allow our marriage to sanctify us, we give way for change through spiritual growth, which should always be something we aim for as believers. This shifting and fine-tuning not only grows us closer together but deepens our relationship with the Lord. The sanctification process allows us to choose to hold one another accountable with mutual respect, honesty, and trust. It also builds a protection barrier as we learn to lean into one another when trials come and find ways to persevere together.
Ways to allow your marriage to sanctify you as a couple:
-Grow yourself as a believer
-Attend church or a faith gathering together regularly
-Encourage your spouse to pursue their calling or spiritual talents/gifts
-Speak highly about your spouse (in every communication circle)
-Share your thoughts and dreams openly and seek God together for wisdom and direction
So, how do you stay in love after all these years? What would you add? Turn to your sweetie and talk about it!
Related:
5 Simple Habits for a Happy Marriage
8 Keys to a Happy, Healthy Marriage
What Is the Secret to a Long and Happy Marriage?
Originally published March 25, 2026.
