3 Ways to Build a No Secrets Family
- Erin Davis Author
- Published Dec 18, 2023
If you take a moment to consider your childhood, you can likely remember the feeling of doing something you weren’t supposed to and fearing you’d be found out.
Whether it was taking something that didn’t belong to you, breaking something that your parents treasured, or being somewhere you weren’t supposed to be . . . there is a certain sweaty palm, dry mouth, racing heart reaction we have to try to keep a secret.
Covering tracks is an impulse most children have. We can trace that reflex all the way back to the moment mankind first fell for the lies of the Deceiver.
The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves (Genesis 3:6–7, NLT).
The first lie was followed by the first sin, and then followed by the first cover up. It’s laughable, really.
In sinning, Adam and Eve had essentially dropped a nuclear bomb on God’s creation, the fallout of which is still wreaking havoc today, but they thought they could cover it up with fig leaves and playing hide and seek.
Like creating an environment for dangerous bacteria to grow, secrets produce shame, which leads to more secrets, which leads to isolation, which leads to deception, which leads to bondage.
In order to become a family that resists the enemy’s lies and lives for truth, you must proactively adopt a no-secret policy. God’s Word is clear: as followers of Jesus, we’ve left our days of hiding behind fig leaves behind. Here are three reasons why:
1. There Are No Secrets with God
God knew Adam and Eve were hiding in the bushes. He made everything. He sees everything. There wasn't a leaf or twig large enough to hide them from Him.
Jesus was teaching about prayer when He said, “Your Father, who sees everything, will reward you” (Matthew 6:6, emphasis added).
The Psalmist wrote,
My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth (Psalm 139:15, ESV).
Proverbs 15:11 declares, “Even Death and Destruction hold no secrets from the Lord. How much more does he know the human heart!”
God sees. God knows. While that should inject a healthy dose of fear into our hearts, it should also liberate us from any illusion that we can cover our sins up.
We can model this with our children by openly confessing our sins to them (more on that in a moment), responding in Christlike ways when they confess their sins to us, and openly opposing secret keeping.
2. God’s People Are Called to Live in the Light
This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin (1 John 1:5–7).
Throughout Scripture, light is used as a descriptor for sin-free-ness (a.k.a. holiness). Just as sunshine is the best disinfectant, living our lives in openness, free from secrets, reveals sin, and helps us to turn from it.
God goes beyond simply dwelling in the light — He is light. Psalm 104:2 says that He is wrapped in a robe of light. 1 Timothy 6:16 tells us, “He lives in light so brilliant that no human can approach him.”
Ephesians 5:13 warns us that all sin will ultimately be exposed by Christ’s light. “By refusing to hide sins, desires, habits, or heartbreaks, you are modeling to your children who God is.”
3. Scripture Invites You into a Rhythm of Confession and Forgiveness
Nothing exposes your sin nature quite like becoming a parent. It’s natural to think things like: “I was never angry until I had kids,” or “I didn’t struggle with irritability until I became a mom,” or “I wouldn’t be so out of control if I could just get some sleep!”
But the reality is that you are a born sinner. Parenting is simply the circumstance God is using to expose the depravity that exists in your heart. That can be discouraging, but God has provided an escape from becoming a parent constantly riddled with guilt:
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results (James 5:16).
This is not a once-and-done mandate. It’s a lifestyle. As a parent, you can lead the charge by regularly owning your mistakes, confessing them as sins, if they were involved in the infraction, asking for forgiveness, and then praying with your children.
You can also create an environment of grace. That doesn’t mean your children will never face consequences.
Discipline is not divorced from grace (Hebrews 12:6), but you can seize moments of confession as opportunities to remind your child that they can never lose God’s love and they can never use your love and to teach them that confession leads to freedom.
Family secrets are the stuff soap operas and Hollywood dramas are made of, but if we’re honest, it’s also the stuff that often tears families apart.
God did not design our families to be institutions where secrets are kept but rather safe havens where the truth is passed around at the dinner table. Teach your children to be truth-bearers by actively fighting against the infiltration of lies, seemingly big or small, in your family.
Jason and Erin Davis — parents to four boys — use witty storytelling and playful graphics to present solid biblical truth to combat the most common lies boys believe. With easy-to-read chapters, this book focuses on ten core lies:
Loving God Is for Girls
God is Mad at Me
It's Not My Fault
No One Needs to Know About My Sin
I Can't Control My Temper
It Doesn't Matter What I Watch
Reading the Bible Isn't for Me . . . and more.
Photo Credit: @GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages
