A Reminder for Parents to Embrace Wonder
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- Updated Sep 29, 2023
Sometimes the craziest experiences end up being the most beloved memories. I was reminded of that fact while on a trip without my husband accompanied by our five kids. Two of which are some very opinionated toddlers. As I loaded up the van, packed to the brim for our quick three-day trip, and headed out to the beach to meet family, I seriously almost had a panic attack once I started considering the work it was going to take to be together for these next couple of days. I must have lost my mind to agree to this adventure!
As I wrestled my youngest toddler to bed at approaching 11 pm, work up with him at 7 am, and then dressed my five kids for the pool at 8:30 am I realized that while this was not going to be a restful trip, it still was an opportunity to be present with my kids in a special way for a few days of fun.
I think back to the many chaotic family moments I’ve been given and oftentimes it takes real effort to be all-in as a parent. There is this dance we do as parents between the responsibility we always feel, the chaos kids bring into our lives, and the chance to experience wonder once again.
Our Kids Experience Wonder Even in the Midst of Chaos
The difference between me and my kids is that they don’t stress out about late nights, grumpy toddlers, and the cacophony of voices that fill the space around me at all times. They are just there. Ready to have fun at the drop of a hat? They see the cold pool as an invitation for a polar plunge. The hot tub as a place for diving and exploration. The late night as a chance to experience the after-dark hours in a new way.
Even my sixth grader, who oftentimes wafers between being too cool for play, and relishing silliness as a child should, is able to tap into comedy and joy when given the chance. We all need reminders that life is meant to be lived together and is not all about checking off to-do list boxes. We must remind and model for our growing kids that life is for fun.
I teach a class of sixth graders and as I prepared for this year, I incorrectly thought I needed to prepare more serious activities for this older class. What I’ve found is that singing, hopping, pretending, dancing, and jumping is something they still love when given the chance. Our kids are growing up too fast, we need to constantly give them space to see wonder in the everyday and not assume that hormones and facial hair mean they’ve outgrown joy.
Being Present, Not Perfect Is the Best Gift We Can Give Our Kids
When they were all younger, I would stress out over crying and routines. The chance to be with my kids as a stay-at-home parent was a gift but many days I felt pressure and failure. Now that I look back on that time, I see that even though it was hard it was a time shared with my babies that I held close to my heart. While I wasn’t a perfect mom, my showing up in all my wonderful imperfections has given my kids a strong footing as they continue to grow older. The lesson being, showing up, especially when it’s hard, is one of the most important gifts we can give our kids.
As my kids have grown, the call to be there, even when it was really hard, remained present in my life. We took the plunge and became a homeschooling family. Do you know how many times I’ve heard from others, “I could never do that!” What I want to say is, I didn’t think I could either. I never saw myself here, sowing into my kids day in and day out. The reality is it’s hard. It’s a sacrifice. I often fail.
What have I learned as I’ve leaned into doing something that felt like more than I could handle on my own? My need for Jesus and my children’s need for me. Sometimes we do the hard things as parents because Jesus wants to show us how to love beyond what feels reasonable. He wants to stretch us to rely on him in new ways. Also, because sometimes our kids need us and we give up parts of ourselves for their sake.
Create Space for Joy
Here is the deal, joy does not happen in a perfect vacuum. As a young mom, I had a relentless battle with depression and anxiety. What baffled me the most about this struggle was the fact that I could be so grateful and joyful, and also be depressed. But that is life, we experience more than one thing at once. Oftentimes our black and white tendencies close us off from seeing the beauty in the midst of the insanity. Sometimes we have to chase after the joy, even when we are tired, our kids are grouchy, or we just plain have too much on our plates.
When our fourth kiddo joined our family, I was mid-homeschooling, teaching at our co-op, working two part-time jobs, my husband was finishing grad school, managing a team at work, and we added a puppy to the crew too. Due to the fact our little guy came through a foster care placement, we did not get time off from life in order to love this tiny bundle of joy. Needless to say, the timing was tough, but as a mom who had already watched three kids transform from babies to kids seemingly overnight, I was determined to find joy in the middle of this crazy time. I learned through experience that this baby would not keep.
Things don’t have to be easy or well-planned out to be joy-filled. You can mourn and have joy. You can be anxious and delighted. You can be unprepared as a parent and still see God’s glory and grace before you. All you have to do is to make space for joy, even when you also feel the weight of life.
When life as a parent is particularly tough, remember that the joy of the Lord is your strength. He is able to strengthen you in each season. He helps us on this journey that we were called to by him alone.
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