6 Common Parenting Mistakes

Let's just say that we are all flying by the seat of our pants when it comes to parenting. We are constantly being bombarded with unique situations and circumstances that can sometimes leave us feeling utterly ill-equipped for the difficult and demanding job of parenting. We often wonder if we are doing the right thing or saying the wrong thing. My mother used to tell me that when she was raising my siblings and me, she would pray that God would "fill in the gaps" in her parenting. I especially like this prayer because it gives God the ultimate authority over our parenting and asks Him to step in where we are ill-equipped. The Bible gives us solid advice and guidance for our journey through parenthood, and it would do us well to follow God's guidance.

We are only human, and God knows our limitations. We will always make mistakes, but there is always time to turn things around.

Here are six common Parenting Mistakes:

1. Not Setting Limits

Children crave limits without even realizing it. They need set boundaries and rules to feel safe and loved. They feel cared for when we set limits and have rules surrounding their safety. Without them, they may feel unloved and uncared for; this, in turn, can lead to acting out and rebellion. If we allow our children to run the show and do whatever they please, although this is what every child desires, it will be detrimental to their development. Just like we need the Lord to set boundaries for us, even as adults, we as parents need to set boundaries for our children. They need to have set limits to protect them and teach them to respect authority. If they are raised without limits, then when they grow up and are in the real world, they will not be able to live within the confines of rules and boundaries in the workplace or any other adult situation. So set boundaries and stick to them.

2. Not Giving Opportunity to Help Around the House

Any parent will tell you that it is easier to do a job themselves than to have the patience to teach their children how to do household tasks. Our job as parents is to teach our children how to live in the real world. If we don't give them opportunities to learn basic and routine tasks, this will only hurt them in the future. Start at a young age and explain to your child your expectations, such as keeping their room picked up, putting their coat and shoes away when entering the house, and helping in the kitchen. Giving them responsibilities around the house will provide them with a sense of ownership for the home and teach them how to get a job done correctly. Set expectations and write them down. I made a list of what is expected when the bathroom is cleaned and hung it on the mirror. That way, when they clean the bathroom, they know exactly what is expected of them. When they say they are done, I ask them if they have completed every item on the list. If not, they are to continue until complete. Our children will grow up to eventually have roommates and spouses. We don't want our children to be lazy and unprepared to live in a home as an adult, and we want them to take pride in their living environment, taking care of what the Lord has blessed them with. We want our children to grow into respectable and responsible adults. It starts in our homes. Pray for the Lord to give you the patience you need to graciously teach your children how to maintain a home.

Related article: 8 Benefits of Giving Your Kids Chores

3. Not Spending One-on-One Time with Each Child

Spending one-on-one time with our children is one of the most important things we can do. However, it can be challenging to accomplish, especially if you have multiple children. Family life is often riddled with commitments, bogged down by schedules, and can often feel overwhelming. However, getting this quality time doesn't have to feel like an obligation. You can do simple things in your regular day to make your child feel special and heard. As parents, we must be intentional about treating our children how we hope they will treat others one day.

"...clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:10

Read here for some simple activities you can do to spend one-on-one time with your child.

4. Not Putting Your Marriage First

It seems counterproductive at first glance to put our marriage before parenting; however, it is the healthiest thing you can do for your family. If you don't have a strong foundation in your marriage, then the rest of the family can suffer. It is the same idea as putting on your oxygen mask first before assisting others. Parenting is a challenging and difficult job; to be our best, our marriage needs to be our top priority, right behind spending time with the Lord so that we can have a solid place to stand. When your marriage is at its best, you can lean on each other as you navigate parenting. If your children can see that you prioritize your marriage, it will give them a sense of safety knowing that they are being taken care of by two people who love each other and are doing all they can to build a loving and safe home. Set aside a few minutes a day as mom and dad time and prayer time. Let the kids know that spending time together is important it that it is ultimately for them. Unfortunately, date nights can take a back seat in a busy family but making them a priority will benefit everyone.

Related article: What Does Your Marriage Teach Your Kids?

5. Not Pointing Out Good Behavior

It is so easy to point out what our children are doing wrong or where they have missed the mark. It is easy to make every moment a teaching moment, and even when we intend to make them better, only pointing out their faults and not praising them for their wins can take a toll on them. Be intentional about pointing out positive actions and thanking them for all they do. Bless them with praise and reward them with attention. Let them know you notice the little things and that you are proud of who they are becoming. When they continually get positive feedback with a healthy balance of teaching moments, this will not only motivate them to continue good behavior; it will give them a desire to obey and stay within the boundaries set in the home.

6. Not Including God in Our Parenting

God is the ultimate authority on parenting. He is the creator of the family dynamic and knows intimately what we deal with on a day-to-day basis. He is not surprised by our circumstances or the situations we face as parents. He knows our faults and longs to fill in the gaps where we miss the mark. Our bookstores are lined with parenting books written from every angle, and although these can be helpful, the Bible is the best source of guidance.

Include these verses in your parenting, and God will lead you and guide you in all you do as a parent:

Proverbs 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers (and mothers) do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit and home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Train and discipline your children, don't do anything to cause conflict, and tell them, all the time, about Jesus. Simple instructions that cover all the bases. The Lord will bless you in all your parenting efforts if, first, you invite Him to be involved. Parenting is difficult, but we are not alone. The Lord will equip you for the task at hand. Parenting is the most honorable and important job in the world; you are raising adults that will carry on your faith. There is nothing more important than that.

Heidi Vegh is a writer, speaker, and ministry leader living in Western Washington. She is a remarried mother of four, navigating the blended family life after the loss of her first husband to cancer in 2013. She longs to use her writing as a way to encourage others who have experienced loss and guide them on the road to healing. She contributes to her blog found at www.mrsheidivegh.com , sharing stories and devotionals of faith stemming from her loss and healing, mothering, and her blended and complex family. She graduated from Southern New Hampshire University with a degree in Creative Writing and English and is working on her first book. Heidi is the Women’s Ministry Director at her local church and has a deep heart for sharing Jesus with women and encouraging them in their faith walk. When she is not writing, she loves to travel, read, craft, and experiment in the kitchen. Visit her Facebook and Instagram (@mrsheidivegh) to learn more.