Encouragement for When You Feel You've Failed as a Parent
- Alicia Searl Contributing Writer
- Updated Feb 13, 2023
The other day I found myself dragging all three of my girls into the dance studio, face scowled, energy depleted, and frustration at an all-time high. As I approached the full-length mirror they gracefully displayed at the front of the studio, I spotted the reflection staring back at me. My heart sank. It appeared that my looks fit my feelings.
The entire car trip, there was nothing but fighting and arguing over who knows what. Grumbling and complaining had weaseled their way into our home and seamlessly into our car and every other place with which we graced our "not-so-lovely" presence.
The hearts in our household had been slowly shifting into the unknown, and I had no energy to stop it, so yelling had become my go-to response. Boundaries had been crossed, trust had been broken, choices were made that broke my heart, and I felt I had failed. So, as I looked in the mirror, not only did I see a messy mom with a clumsy hair bun donning crazy socks that popped out of her worn-out soled slippers - I saw a complete failure!
As my older two children found a bench to slump into so they could slide right into their phone screens, and my little one pranced her way into dance class, I proceeded to head back to the parking lot. I sat in my car for thirty minutes – sobbing like a baby!
Maybe you can relate, or perhaps you don't relate to the overly strong emotions, and rather than crying on a whim, tears fester on the inside. I can respect that. But, regardless of how parenting can often rage war on our emotions, I guarantee you didn't find this article by chance or accident. Nope! I believe (and know) that God works in strange and beautiful ways and placed these words before you for a reason and on purpose.
So, if your mind is telling you one thing and your heart is saying another, here is my encouragement for you to take away right now – I am going to pass down a sweet nugget of truth that my mom often told me when I came to her in tears, feeling like a failure. She would usually take my hand, look me in the eye and say this: You are doing better than you think. Jesus wouldn't bring you here to leave you. He is using this season to do a great work in you. Just hang on!
Oh, friend, if you are feeling like a failure in this season of parenting, I would like to cordially invite you to take your weary, wounded heart and feelings of failure to the One that understands. The One that can give you the everlasting encouragement you really need to keep running this race. Are you ready?
Here are a few things to remember today.
You Are Loved
Isaiah 54:10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
Take heart and listen. Yes! You are loved. It's easy to forget that when you feel invisible or forgotten. Especially when snarky or hurtful comments spill out from a trying teen or the two-year-old having another temper tantrum leaves you feeling exhausted and physically depleted. But God sees you and knows your struggles. He wants to remind you that He deeply loves you.
Write that on a sticky note and place it somewhere you will see it every day – You are loved!
Some Days (Seasons) Are Downright Difficult
Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.
Today may be hard, but tomorrow is a new day. Have you heard that phrase before? I've been given that counsel often as a mom, and while there is truth to that, some days my head hits the pillow, and I wake up to a brand-new day with a fresh perspective, but many days I don't. Instead, I wake up to a re-run of the days before, feeling utterly exhausted, not really longing to embrace the day, if you know what I mean.
So, now what?
Here is my hope for you. Take baby steps without expectations. If you need to, just a day, an hour, or a minute at a time. One step at a time, my friend. Each day will hold its own set of challenges but also have sweet little glimmers of hope. If you are constantly waiting for a season to be over, you will miss out on the little blessings tucked within the season you are in, yes, even when it is hard.
Tomorrow may not bring pure peace, it may even be more challenging than yesterday, but this season will pass; I assure you of that. When you are knocked down and can't seem to get up, stay down…on your knees and whisper up your prayers. God will meet you where you are.
Find Your Tribe
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. John 15:13
There is a reason God created the sweet blessing of friendships. He knew we would need them to help carry us through various seasons of life. However, I get that raising littles can fill your schedule to the brim with events and activities, and making time to find your people may be one more thing "to do." But finding those sweet friendships is worth it; I promise you that!
When you find those that will build you up and encourage you, they are the keepers. The friend that will love you and love your kids, no matter what – that's what will get you through the hard days and difficult seasons. Because those sweet friends will lovingly lead you back to Truth, they will gently remind you to keep running this race and offer a hug when needed. They are on your team and will help you win. And prayer is their greatest weapon!
If you are still searching for your tribe, ask God to intervene and pray He brings people into your life for such a season as this to lean on. Still trying to figure out where to start? Join a moms support group or check out the connections and community of women within your church.
Failure Is Always an Option, But Defeat Doesn't Have to Be
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
I am a failure. It's so easy to believe these words. And you may have failed. Maybe venom spewed from your lips, you dropped the ball on a major event, or you reacted in an overly emotional way. So, you messed up and feel downright terrible.
Yes, some days are like that. Sorry to tell you if you are new to this gig, but some days, you will fail. You may even fail a lot, actually. But here is the silver lining – you don't have to stay there!
Friend, please know that we will all fail from time to time, but that's what God's grace is all about. Don't forget that you are redeemed! You may fail, but you are set free from feeling defeated! There is much to learn from our mistakes, faults, and failures. Use those mishaps as a way to grow and learn.
Remember my mom's sweet advice? Jesus wouldn't bring you here to leave you. He is using this season to do a great work in you. Let Him do the work in you and grow you to be the mom He is calling you to be in the process! Just hang on!
Lastly, let me assure you that God sees the work (all of it- the good and bad) that you are doing, and when you honor Him, even with your failures - He is indeed pleased.
