Moms, You Have Permission to Invest in Yourselves
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- Updated Jul 07, 2023
I did something I have never done in 11 years of motherhood today. I paid for a babysitter to sit with my sleeping toddlers so I could go out into the world on my own…for no other reason than to just be. I do not have a doctor's appointment, grocery run to make, or meeting to attend. I am not even going to the gym. I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop, eating a gluten-free brownie and sipping on a delicious latte. I am out of my house, so I cannot clean up, start dinner, or mow the lawn. My older kids are at a friend's house, so I can’t take time to connect with them. My husband is at work. It’s just me here, doing the thing I love, which is drinking coffee and writing.
I’m not going to lie; this huge indulgence feels wrong. Guilt is sitting at the corners of my brain, telling me how wasteful this time is. How the money I’m spending right now to eat sugar and be alone could be used for so many more pressing things. I keep thinking how I should have “saved the sitter” for a checkup or errand run. But that’s a lie. There is a good reason I gave myself this first two-hour unplanned vacation from my kids in 11 years, and it’s because the parenting season I am in right now is really hard.
We Can’t Do it on Our Own
What is happening in our home right now is beautiful, worthwhile, and miraculous but it’s so hard. My husband and I feel pressed on all sides. From before my body is ready to be up until I give up and tell the people I’m going to bed, I am needed. We have two adorable toddlers that we love to pieces that are pulling at the edges of my patience every day. We are walking in a season of uncertainty while we wait to know what the forever future holds for one of our kids. The spiritual, emotional, and practical weight of now is heavy.
I am for the first time as a mom and wife trying to see the limits that I have as a person and honor them rather than stretching myself to my breaking point.
This is not the first time I’ve been in a place where I felt the weight and length of the days in such an intense way as a mom. During the early years of motherhood, when I had the honor of carrying into this world our three older kids in quick succession, I felt myself pull apart in ways I never knew to be possible. When I started homeschooling my oldest son, I experienced burnout that left me hollow and alone.
I’m trying to finally lay down the pride I’ve carried high, saying I can do all things by my own strength. That says I should be able to do this thing well every day on my own without a struggle. That told me I can be a superhuman, ever-patient mom and wife just like all the other ones I see on the internet. My repeated failure at perfection has finally helped me see how helpless I am on my own. I’m finally seeing that I need Jesus, and I need the village to live my life on the narrow path God calls us to follow. I am not enough, but in my weakness, he shows up.
It Won’t Be Easy
God calls us to do hard things. I am not a believer of the prosperity (life should always be easy) gospel. The Bible tells us that we will face hardships of many kinds while on earth (James 1:2-4). God tells us that to gain our lives, we must first lose it (Matthew 10:39). God works through the trials we face. That’s how he grows us up and shows us how real and capable He is. But those hard things are not meant to be done alone. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to encourage one another and lift each other up. Jesus didn’t call Peter out onto the water without first going onto those tumultuous waves himself.
Motherhood is not easy, but you aren’t made to do this work on your own. God tells us not to grow weary in doing good (Galatians 6:9). That implies that we need to invest in our own well-being. Weariness is a product of exhaustion, burnout, and hopelessness. We stay encouraged, even in the toughest seasons of parenthood, by being in community, focusing on Jesus, and investing in our own wellbeing.
Invest in Yourself
So, Mommas, I give you permission to invest in yourself. Get that sitter, just because! Find a friend to confide in that will help lighten the burdens you are carrying. Make a date for you and your husband to be alone together so you don’t forget that your love is what built this house in the first place.
Feed yourself well, move your body, get that shower you’ve been putting off, buy that shirt you see on clearance, get that coffee, wake up to pray so you keep your eyes on Jesus, go for that walk, start that creative project, and remember you are worth being seen and loved too.
I know it’s so easy to feel invisible as you serve, cook, clean, encourage, wipe crocodile tears, and say “no” to that crazy toddler one million times in a single day. But you are doing good work. God sees you. He loves you. He is proud of your willingness to sacrifice so much of yourself for the sake of the next generation.
Throw out the guilt that says you aren’t doing enough, aren’t strong enough, or good enough. He that lives in you is enough, and that's all we need to remember. His love covers our wrongs, and he walks with us through the valleys and on the mountains. So, embrace His grace for today, Momma. You got this.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/fizkes
