3 Reminders for When Being a Stay-at-Home Mom Feels Insignificant

Our oldest daughter made her appearance two short days before my master’s degree graduation ceremony. I still walked in it, though—stitches, pain meds, and a newborn in tow. Eighteen months later, our second girl was born, and the next two years are honestly a blur of pacifiers, diapers, and burp clothes. We then welcomed two more daughters. That’s four girls in seven years, and by the third one, my husband sighed in relief at the ultrasound over the money we’d save on baby clothes.

Even before graduation, I’d made the decision to stay home. Yet, in the hard and lonely moments of stay-at-home motherhood, there were times when it felt like I hadn’t just let go of my career dreams, but also my consequence. I remember flipping through my grad school’s alumni magazine and feeling invisible. While the school applauded the female “world changers” who’d graduated from their halls, mothers like me—who’d chosen to make their kids their career after graduating—were absent.

Your story of becoming a stay-at-home mom may be different from mine. However, perhaps, like me, you sometimes feel that what you have is of no consequence or real importance. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Your daily interactions now—your attitudes, words, and actions—are crucially important to your children’s mental, emotional, and spiritual development.

One of the many ways you make an impact is in helping your kids learn to regulate their emotions. Because you are at home, you have the ongoing and consistent opportunity to be the one who soothes your littles when they cry, teaches your young kids to say “I’m mad” rather than throwing a tantrum, or helps your tweens recognize when they’re feeling jealousy or embarrassment. Research shows that kids who can regulate their emotions are better able to navigate conflict, cope with disappointment, communicate clearly, and connect positively with others. And if that’s not consequence, I don’t know what is.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Galina Zhigalova

Are your littles fond of books? It’s probably because you read stories to them. You’ve used your influence to spark a love for reading, feed their imagination, help them build language and vocabulary skills, and develop empathy.

Do your older kids think it’s fun to wash the dishes or fold laundry? It’s likely because they see you do it with joy rather than exasperation—well, most of the time. We all have our moments, right!?! You’ve used your influence to teach them to practice and embrace responsibility and teamwork with a positive attitude.

In today’s culture, many of us associate being an “influencer” primarily with social media and online presence. So, it’s easy to forget that influencers have been around a lot longer than Instagram and TikTok. And do you know who is the greatest influencer in your home with your kids? You! In fact, you have more daily influence than you probably realize. It goes beyond books and chores.

When our daughters were a mix of young kids, littles, and an infant, I started taking them to museums. We would visit the local art, science, natural history, and puppet museums in our area. We got an annual pass to the aquarium. Since I was a stay-at-home mom, our schedule offered a lot of flexibility and empty calendar dates.

Turns out my kids loved museums. My oldest admired paintings longer than most adults do. My middles were the first to raise their hands and excitedly exclaim, “Pick me!” whenever audience participation was requested, and my youngest loved digging for fossils, sometimes while wearing her pink tutu.

Our museum outings didn’t always go perfectly. Yet, I never once thought, “These girls are too young to appreciate a museum.” Instead, I always tried to make it fun and embrace the interactive aspects, while still teaching them to be respectful of the museum’s rules. I used my influence to introduce them to new places and interests they loved then, and they still enjoy today.

Like me, you also use your influence to enrich your children’s lives in immeasurable ways both inside and outside your door.

When you’re covered in dried spit-up, and there’s no time to shower, or you live in the same two pairs of leggings, and your house is anything but Instagram-worthy, it’s hard to feel like you have distinction or, as Cambridge Dictionary puts it, “the quality of being special or different.” Instead, you might feel invisible and unappreciated. I know because I’ve been there.

When my first book was published, writing was my side hustle. Honestly, it still is. I had four daughters under 11, and I was homeschooling three of them. So, I wrote every day from 4 a.m. to around 7 a.m. and during what we called our afternoon “quiet time.” Coffee was my fuel. I also opted not to start traveling and speaking to promote the book, which meant saying “no” to the distinction it may have brought. I’d committed to being home with them, and I didn’t want to miss this time in their young lives.

There’s a popular online quote about how you are replaceable at work, but irreplaceable at home. I’ve read posts and articles where some writers pick this saying apart and debate its accuracy, but think about it. Someone else may not fill a work role exactly as you would, but they most likely could fill it. You might find some distinction in an office for what you accomplish. However, as a stay-at-home mom to the kids God has given you, you hold a special and distinct place. No one else can do what God has purposed for you to do there.

Does that mean you’ll do it perfectly? Absolutely not. None of us do, and that’s okay. What matters is that you embrace a humble, teachable heart as you look to Him for help.

After you finish reading this, it’s likely you’ll have multiple moments today where you’re tempted to feel insignificant. I get it. I’ll probably have those moments too. Yet, your feelings are not facts. They are real, but they don’t define you as an individual or as a stay-at-home mom. Today and every day, without even leaving your house, you have consequence, influence, and distinction. You are significant!

One day, you may be that mom on a plane who just said, “See you later,” to your young adult child. If I happen to be the woman next to you in 7B, 11C, or maybe even 24A, and I ask about your travel plans, know that it’s okay if your tears come quickly. I’ll understand.