Why Is It Easier for Girls to be Friends With Guys?
- Hayley DiMarco Author
- 2005 12 Jan
If you just don't get girls, and never have, or if you think guys are easier to get along with but you know you need girlfriends, or if you are ready to make some true friends instead of mean friends, listen up!
I know how hard it is to be friends with girls. Believe me, it takes a lot of work. Guys are so much easier to hang out with. They aren't so emotional. They don't get so freaked out on ya, and they are just plain fun to be with. But that's no excuse to avoid girls altogether. And you might not believe me right now, but someday you're gonna need girls. God made us for communion with other girls. He didn't make it so that all our lives we would be surrounded by guys only. Certain things we can only get from other girls, and certain things we should only give to other girls. She's a 9-year-old aspiring writer friend of mine and has yet to decide that girls are the enemy. Remember the day?
Being a girl is great! Especially because we girls have about three times the imagination of boys. I wonder why boys sit and play Gamecube, and watch TV while we girls pamper ourselves with the most, uh, creative things. (Oops! Just a thought.)
I have nothing at all wrong with guy friends, it's just at the moment I like especially stickin' with the girls.
Girls will always understand you, but boys, uh, no. Boys don't even seem human. If you have feelings you can tell a boy, but they won't understand. They will just blink and then repeat something that seems like the exact opposite thing. If you have a boy that's your best friend your life is simple and plain, no insult to makes, but you are stuck with a diary to talk to, and even though you can tell your diary all the things that happen to you, a diary isn't there to, well, suffer the pain with you, and understand you. Trust me, you need comfort from you own gender.
Boys don't exactly understand us girls -- you know, your feelings -- like girls do. Having girl friends can help your life. Girls are by far the best.
Katie P. age 9
Katie gets it. Girls are important. And as you get older, what you are doing when your surround yourself with girls (and by that I mean you have at least 3 good girlfriends) is preparing for your future. I know the future seems like a long way off, but it isn't, believe me. And if you can learn know how to be friends with girls, you will save yourself a lot of heartache in the future. Guys will come and go, but if you keep your friendships strong, you will always have a shoulder to cry on. And when you finally find "the one," your girlfriends will relieve a lot of stress that you could put on him by being there to pick up the girl slack. See, guys don't need to know everything about us. When they do, they just get overwhelmed. It too much to hear that your cramps really hurt today and that you feel ugly because you don't have any new clothes. It's a bore to hear that you hate your hair or that your cat did the cutest thing today. Most guys can't handle all that we want to say, and that's why we need girls. So give the guy in your life a break and get some girlfriends.
But how do you be friends with girls? If you are anything like I was, you don't have a clue how to make friends with girls. So here are a few pointers to help you out. Remember, it's essential to have girlfriends, but more than 3 is overkill, because you won't have time to be good friends to that many girls, so none of them will be getting enough of your attention. So here are the things you need to know about finding girlfriends:
1. Effort -- It's all about the effort. You have to be looking for them. You can't expect them to come to you and to do all the work. That's right, work! Making friends requires work, especially when it comes to girls. It might require that you call them a couple times a week just to talk, or in some cases just to listen. (Girls love to talk!). It might require that you ask them to do things with you. Don't wait for them to ask, even if you are shy. I realized a couple of years ago that I never asked girls to do anything because I was afraid of rejection. I had been rejected by girls for so long that I feared rejection even in adulthood, so I never approached any of them to do anything with me. When I realized what I was doing, I decided to get over it and get on with life, and I started asking them to lunch, to the movies, to dinner, and all kinds of things. Some of them said no, they were too busy, and I had to fight the fear of rejection, but I fought it and went on. Finally I found some who were really excited to be with me, and their answer was more often yes. I am so thankful that I gave it a shot and took the risk. I don't know where I'd be today with my dear friends.
2. Maintain the love -- Girls usually need more attention than guys. I know that I could go an entire month without calling my guy friends, but once we talked again it was like we had been together all month. They didn't hold a grudge against me for not calling. But girls are just different. They kinda like to be kept in the loop. So here are some ideas to help them feel loved:
• Send an e-card for no reason
• Drop them a note in the mail
• Call just to see how their day is going
• Put a note in their locker saying "Hi"
• Buy them a gift, like their favorite candy or magazine
• Pick a flower and give it to them
• Find a way to let them know you are thinking about them. Get creative. It doesn't take too much time or energy.
3. Learn to speak girlese -- It you aren't used to being around girls, then a few pointers on how they communicate might help you out. Let's start with how guys talk for comparison. Guys usually communicate like a football game. They guy telling the story is on offense, the listener is on defense. At some point the guy on offense scores and kicks the ball off to the other team (guy), who then takes the ball and is off onto his story. Passing off and whose ball it is are clear. They always have a goal in mind -- a point that one guy must get to so that the other guy can then take the ball. Getting to the point is crucial in guy world.
Girls on the other hand, usually communicate like a game of Twister. We pick a subject and get to talking on it. Another girl interrupts with a comment on the topic, and then it goes back to the first girl. Interruptions occur frequently and may take the story off of topic for a few minutes, but we get back on topic with a kind, "I'm sorry, I Just had to say that, Now where were you?" The goal for girls often isn't anything more than just speaking -- most of the time, we don't have a point. We don't have to find a fix for our problems or work anything out by the end of the conversation. We feel better if we can just tell another person about it. This freaks guys out! Guys want to get to an end, to have a point. That's why girl talk can be frustrating to guys. We don't need to figure anything out; we just need to dump and then we are all better. Guys don't dump, generally. They work things out alone in their head and save talking for something with a point. Their whole goal in a conversation is to get to the point, not to just talk with no end in sight.
If you are used to guy talk, hanging out with girls might be a little challenging to you. It was for me. Gab, gab, gab. But remember, with girls you can interrupt, change the subject, and make comments. It's girlese. Watch how they talk and start to notice their need to just blab. If you listen, you score, but if you blab some yourself, you score big too. Being able to just dump your emotions on someone who gets you is the most amazing feeling. And girls get that part of you better than any guy ever could.
Reprinted by permission of Baker Publishing Group from the book entitled Mean Girls: Facing Your Beauty Turned Beast copyright date 2004 by Haley DiMarco. All rights reserved.