5 Tips for Moms Who Struggle with Anger

Anger issues are real, and many moms struggle to overcome them. Whether your anger is righteous and justified or not, as moms, we need to be diligent not to take our anger out on our children.

Children don’t understand that their parents have lives outside of them. If you’re angry at your husband, your boss, or about something you saw on social media, your kids don’t know or understand that.

Think about the lasting impact you’re making on your children when they are left to assume you’re angry at them (and maybe you are). But is your anger justified? Are you angry because your children sinned against you or because you’re tired and want some time to yourself?

When you find yourself lashing out at your family, take a deep breath and, if possible, leave the room. This time is most certainly for you to calm down and, more importantly, to protect your family from you saying or doing something you might later regret.

Removing yourself from the situation to allow time to cool down is important, but taking deep breaths or practicing any other self-soothing technique isn’t enough. Take time to ask yourself who you want to be.

It was Proverbs 22:24 that helped me with my own anger issues. It says, “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man.” My heart was broken to think that our Lord would advise others not to be my friend because of my anger.

I want, and hope you want, to be known as a godly woman. A woman who loves the Lord, fears the Lord, and serves the Lord. We don’t want to be known as angry women who have no control over our emotions.

If you know who you want to be and what you want to be known for, then you can take intentional action towards becoming that person. But often, knowing who you are and who you want to be starts with knowing whose you are—the one who bought you with His blood.

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Our Lord is so kind and gracious. He is faithful and generous to His children. He wants you to come to Him, to confess your sin, and to lean on Him as your rock. He is quick to forgive and desires to see change in your heart.

Turn to Psalm 51:10 and ask God to create a clean heart in you, and to renew a right spirit within you. Ask Him to take away any resentment, unrest, or whatever word you would use to explain what fuels your anger. If you don’t know what fuels your anger, ask Him to reveal that to you.

Ask your Heavenly Father to fill you with peace, self-control, and a bridled tongue. Ask Him to bring about change in you. Ask Him to show you the root of your anger so that you can pluck it out.

Ask Him to erase your angry outbursts from your children’s memories. Describe to Him the woman you want to be and ask Him to grow you into that woman. Acknowledge that you can’t change on your own. Do the thing that is often so hard to do—ask for help.

Perhaps you know exactly what’s fueling your anger, or maybe you need the Lord to reveal that to you. Either way, dig in and get to the root of your anger. This is the most important thing you can do for yourself and for your family.

If you aren’t aware of the source of your anger, our Lord might reveal that to you in answer to a simple prayer. He might, however, want you to invest time in the process and lead you to seek answers from your spouse, a trusted friend, a pastor, or a biblical counselor.

Getting to the heart of your anger will not only make the path to healing clearer, but it will also allow you opportunities to be open with your family about what’s going on in your heart. Transparency creates an environment that is safe for confession, as well as decreasing the odds that your children will repeat the anger cycle as they grow into adults.

Ephesians 4:22-23 tells us to put off the old self and to be renewed in the spirit of our minds. You are not the only mother who struggles with anger; your sin is not unforgivable, and you are not too far gone for the Lord to bring about change.

Asking for help isn’t easy, nor is it easy to ask for ongoing support when trying to put a sin struggle to death. However, we need to be willing to do hard things, and doing hard things often leads to beautiful, redemptive change.

Once you understand the root cause of your anger, you will likely be more aware of what triggers it. Being self-aware in this way will not only benefit you, but also those around you. This will leave room for accountability, humility, and growth.

Your friends, pastor, or counselor are all great additions to a strong support system. But, as a mom, if your family has grown accustomed to your angry outbursts, let the healing and repair be a family affair.

What you share about your struggle with anger and its root cause needs to be age-appropriate. However, it is always appropriate to confess when we have sinned against our children, to ask them for forgiveness, and to assure them that you are working toward controlling your sinful behavior. This act of humility will grow their love and respect for you, as well as their trust in you.

As I said before, many moms struggle with anger issues. I’m willing to bet that if you open up about your anger to the women around you, you will find proof that you’re not alone.

Lean on one another. Point one another to Christ. Remind one another of who you each want to be. Support one another as you commit to bringing about lasting change.

Rejoice with one another as you share success stories and encourage one another when a story of failure is shared. Pray for yourself and pray for one another. God is faithful, and you will see change as you seek to glorify Him in your life.