What Does the Bible Teach Us about Stepfamilies?

“Since stepfamilies aren’t mentioned in Scripture, I’d like to know what Bible reference you would like to use for our broadcast today?” the radio host questioned.

Attempting to hide my surprise and not wanting to come across as condescending, I replied, “Well, maybe we should start with Joseph. He was a stepdad to Jesus.”

Long. Pause.

“Wow! You’re right. I never thought of it that way,” he responded.

His reply isn’t uncommon. I meet many people who have never considered how the Bible, particularly the Old Testament, is jam-packed with stepfamilies. In my journey to help stepfamilies, a big part of the task is educating the church and church leaders on the nuances of blending families.

Stepfamilies (aka Blended) are different than biological first-time families.

God’s Word Can Be Trusted

Most people are shocked that the Bible is one of the most profound resources for educating, encouraging, and enriching the Body of Christ about stepfamilies. When we study the stepfamilies in the Bible, our Creator provides insight into when, where, and how these families experienced the same trials, complexities, emotions, and dynamics of our current society.  We read how God built a loving relationship with them, and when He implemented a consequence for a sinful choice.

Although the customs, cultures, and family formations of our Old Testament brothers and sisters are vastly different from those of today’s blended family, the fears, fights, loneliness, jealousies, and resentments are the same. Stepsibling rivalry and children torn between mom and dad are evident. When these stepfamilies in scripture add an “ours” baby to the mix, where the new union produces a half-brother and sister, it parallels a modern movie on Lifetime TV. 

God never changes, and the basics of human nature typically stay the same, too. This is why we are stunned to observe how relevant and resembling the stepfamilies in the Bible are to blended families in the modern world.

We witness Abraham caught in the middle of a hostile war between Sarah and Hagar. He is trapped in a battle which forces him to choose between his wife and the mother of his child. Sound familiar? We discover Rachel blaming her husband for her inability to conceive a child she longs to produce. Jacob is caught between the rage she feels towards his abundantly fertile first wife.  Joseph’s half-brothers hate him so much that they try to kill him for being the favored “ours” baby that Daddy dotes upon. Peninnah terrorizes and tortures Hannah to the point where a priest believes she is inebriated, rather than deep in prayer. King David is a negligent dad, and his daughter lives her entire life in shame and solitude because he didn’t step up and protect her. Jesus’s half-siblings reject, ridicule, and discard him before he goes to the cross to save their souls.  On and on it goes. The aspects of these blended families correspond to modern-day dynamics.

And with God-like glory, we also witness restoration and hope. When Joseph weeps so deeply over seeing his brothers that his servants can hear him from another room, Hannah gives her precious baby to God’s service, and his life is filled with precious moments. King David profoundly repents and becomes a man after God’s heart again. Hagar is so desperate and destitute that she wants to die, and God speaks to her tenderly and fills her with promise. And the family of Jesus—they see him come back from the dead. That’s a hard one to deny!

He can help us in any situation because His words are alive, razor-sharp, and the breath of life. The Perfect One’s teaching produces a fresh wind and immaculate wisdom to anyone who asks.

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints, and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

As we apply the teachings, compassion, and insights from God’s stepfamilies, keep in mind that God is eager to reveal a new thing, a better way, and undying hope—if we humbly ask.

Why Are Stepfamilies Different Than Biological Families?

Blended families are built on loss. 

A death, divorce, or broken relationship must have occurred for a stepfamily to form. It doesn’t mean there isn’t love in the union; however, a first-time marriage doesn’t carry the weight of memories, experiences, and emotions associated with the previous relationship.

The loss brought with it numerous sentiments and circumstances that are not present in a biological family. Grief, anger, resentment, fear, and anxiety are often lurking beneath the surface. Even if the parent has healed, the kids (young and old) usually have not.

Challenges Stepfamilies Face

Comparisons abound. Each family member can’t help but relate the new circumstances to the old ones. In a first marriage, it’s all fresh; there isn’t any “we used to do it this way.” 

Desire to recreate the former. It’s common for a mom or dad to view the new marriage as a replacement family/parent for the lost one. The unrealistic expectation that they can instantly recreate a biological bond between everyone can be disappointing if it doesn’t occur. 

Society’s mantra is a lie. Peek at any social media page and hear, “A stepfamily is the same as a biological family.” OR “There’s no difference between a mom and a stepmom,” OR “Stepdads are the ones who step up.” We are consistently pushed to accept that there are no differences. And when truth slaps us in the face, it hurts. We feel as if we’ve been deceived.  

Shame and guilt abound. When a parent carries humiliation over the fact that they are divorced or single with a child, they parent from a place of humiliation rather than a healthy discernment. They become lenient, and the child is allowed to dictate and rule the home.

Resources. When forming a stepfamily, the couple initially needs resources that address the blending process. The immediate need isn’t traditional marriage material, which pastors use for pre-marriage counsel. Primarily, information that explains the most common complexities that blended families face and how to prepare for them. Eventually, love languages and communication skills material will be beneficial. However, if they aren’t ready for the vast difference in the couple’s parenting styles, or what to do when a stepchild refuses to visit the home because a new stepmom is there, the relationship is in trouble.

A desire to belong drives the decision. If a church primarily caters to married couples and young families, there will be a yearning to fit into the mold. Many Christian couples forming a blended family get married quickly so they “fit in” at church. This sabotages the need to learn if the two sets of kids will fit together under one roof.

Seriously. Let’s take off the church mask and admit the truth. It isn’t very easy.

There are stepfamilies in your circle who need to know that blended families are not a new thing. God loves them, forgives them, and wants to help and heal their stepfamily.

And learning about God’s biblical blended families is a great way to start.

Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes

Laura Petherbridge is an international speaker, author, and life coach. She has five books, When I Do Becomes I Don’t Practical Steps for Healing During Separation and Divorce, The Smart Stepmom (co-authored with Ron Deal), 101 Tips for The Smart Stepmom, Quiet Moments for the Stepmom Soul, and Seeking a Silent Night: Unwrapping a Stepfamily Christmas. Her appearances include: The Billy Graham Training Center, Lifeway, Focus on the Family, Family Life, MomLife Today, MOPS, Christianity Today, iBelieve, Crosswalk and Celebrate Kids to name a few. She can be reached at www.TheSmartStepmom.com.

Originally published April 30, 2025.