Why Is it So Hard to Find Real Friends?

Vivian Bricker Contributing Writer
Updated Jul 31, 2023

Brought to you by

Finding real friends can be really hard. It is usually easier for us to make friends in elementary school than it is for us to make friends when we are adults.

Many people can find lasting friendships with college friends; however, with many of these friends leaving or returning home, it can be hard to stay connected.

While we do have social media, phones, and email communication, it can still be difficult to keep in touch. It is at these times, whether we had friends in college or not, that we can start to feel alone and want to start looking for real friends.

Fair-Weathered Friends

As a child, I remember my parents talking about “fair-weathered friends.” At the time, I didn’t understand what this term meant.

As I got older, my parents explained this term to me, and a fair-weathered friend is someone who is only your friend when things are going well. In other words, they are only there when it is fair weather.

However, whenever you are upset, sad, or struggling with something, they disappear. In this sense, if we look back on our friends, we might discover that many of our friends were fair-weathered friends.

When a friend leaves you when you are upset, depressed, or struggling, it can make you feel really alone. Friends are supposed to be there for you through the highs and lows. A fake friend won’t be there when you need them.

They only want to be around during happy and positive times. In the same way, there are those who claim to be our friends but really aren’t our friends at all.

Rather than being a true friend, they only use you, hurt you, and make you feel bad about yourself. These friendships can be complicated because they are confusing. One second you think they are your friend, and the next second, they are insulting you.

God wants you to have real friends. He doesn’t want you to have fair-weathered friends or fake friends. These types of friends are not going to be there when you need them.

Sure, they may be there if you host a vacation trip or a party at your house, but they are not going to be there when you just lost your job, went through a breakup, or a loved one died.

Part of being a real friend means being there for others in their time of need. Even if they are going through something really negative, you are still supposed to stay. Leaving them alone in their struggle only does more damage to them.

Finding Real Friends

While it is hard to find real friends because many people out there are fair-weathered friends or fake friends, there are still real friends you can find. These real friends are gems to be treasured.

If you want to try to find some real friends or even just one real friend, look around at those who are putting in an effort to spend time with you.

If a person is planning times to meet with you and talk without you asking, you can be assured that this individual does care about you and wants to spend time with you.

Maybe you are feeling quite alone, and nobody is reaching out to you. This happens all too often for me. It can make you feel alone, but at these times, you have to remember that you are never alone. God is always our best friend, and His love for us has no limit (Romans 8:31-39).

The Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are all our friends, and they desire to spend time with us each day. God is our truest friend, and we can always rely on Him. Others might leave us, but He never will.

Through every period of depression, heartbreak, and death, God is with us. His love for us has no bounds, and He will fill our hearts up with His love if we allow Him. Never does the Lord leave us to experience the pain on our own.

No matter what pain we are experiencing, the Lord knows what it feels like. This is why we can talk with God about anything because He always understands, always cares, and always provides support.

In our prayers, we should ask God to help us build our friendship with Him. It is when we are able to do this that we recognize God as our greatest friend.

Others might forget about us or run out of time for us, yet God never forgets, nor does He run out of time. He is always thinking about us, and He is outside of time. We can rely on our friendship with God and be assured that He will never stop being our friend.

In addition to praying for God to help us build our friendship with Him, we can also ask Him to help us find real friends. Our prayer might not be answered right away, yet in God’s timing, He will answer according to His will.

God might move you to get more involved with church or join a small group. He might provide an opportunity for you to meet new friends with similar interests as yourself, such as at a local art fair, or farmers market, or meeting a new friend through another friend. In all of these ways, a hidden real friend may be found.

Treasuring Real Friends

Once you find a real friend or real friends, they are like treasures. There is something beautiful about being allowed to just be yourself without fear of judgment.

If you ever find yourself trying to be somebody you are not in order to win the approval of your “friends,” then they aren’t your real friends at all.

With real friends, you should be able to be yourself, feel comfortable, and feel accepted. Never will real friends want to tear you down, point out flaws, or make you doubt your self-worth.

As you come to know real friends, it can positively impact your life. Instead of doubting yourself, you will feel more comfortable in the person you are.

Your real friends won’t make you change who you are, nor will they make fun of you. By having real friends, you will finally be able to have peace and look forward to seeing your friends.

You should never feel drained or worried about meeting your friends because if you do, there is something causing these uneasy feelings. It could be you are afraid they are going to judge, hurt, or make fun of you.

With real friends, you won’t have to worry about this. Especially with God, you never have to worry about Him hurting your feelings, being mean to you, or making you feel bad about yourself.

God will always build you up and remind you of your beauty, worth, and the love He has for you. Similarly, real friends will want to be your friend because they like you, want a friendship with you, and care about you.

Real friends can be hard to find, yet through prayer, patiently waiting, and going to places where you would have shared interests with others, and you should be able to find real friends to last a lifetime.

For further reading:

How Should Christians Respond to 'Fake' Friends?

What Do I Do When Friends Hurt Me?

How to Be Wise When Choosing Your Friends

Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master's degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.