Do Wives Have to Obey Their Husbands?

Change generations, and the gap widens. Only 29% of Millennial men agree that a wife should always obey her husband, 21% of Gen X, and only 13% of Baby Boomers. And, again, far fewer women in every age cohort would lend their support.

It was also found that almost a quarter (24%) of Gen Z men think that a woman should not appear too independent or self-sufficient. Other views ranking much higher than earlier generations: that a “real woman” should never initiate sex (21%); that men should not say “I love you” to their friends (30%); they “should try to be physically tough” (42%); and that men who take part in caregiving for children are less masculine than those who do not (21%).

But let’s return to that “obey” part. You can’t help but wonder what Gen Z men mean by that word.

We know what the Bible means.

In Ephesians, we read:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.... In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives... each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:21-33, NIV)

The word translated “submit” literally means “to yield,” so to submit to someone means to voluntarily yield, to willingly defer. And, of course, no reading of Ephesians could help but note that this “yielding” applies to both the wife and the husband. The first line, “submit to one another,” is clear.

Both the husband and the wife are to submit to each other as they both submit to Christ as the ultimate leader. Wives are to honor their husbands; husbands are to be submissively devoted to their wives in the way Christ loved and gave Himself up for the church. That means to the point of death. That is the call of a husband. To submit himself, to die to himself, for the well-being of his wife. In fact, that is what justifies her honoring him.

It’s a beautiful picture. Two people, with Christ in their hearts, submitting and yielding themselves to Jesus on a daily basis, and that yielding to Jesus results in them turning to their spouse and yielding to them. Yielding in honor, yielding in sacrifice, yielding in selflessness.

So, if Gen Z men are increasingly on board with that view of “obedience,” I think most women would happily go along. But I doubt it is. And the percentage of women who agree with the statement tells me that they don’t think it is, either.

It reminds me of something I once read about Liz Curtis Higgs, who at one time was one of the best-known radio personalities in America. She used to tag-team with Howard Stern. He was the morning show, and she was the evening show.

She was a wild one. Her show was just full of raunchy talk about sex and jamming on men. She was so wild that Howard Stern once told her that she needed to clean up her act.

Higgs had a Christian girlfriend who kept inviting her to church, and after a long, long time of being invited, she went. And that week, guess what the message was about?

Yep, “Wives, submit to your husbands.”

But she listened, and she was courteous and respectful and didn’t get up and walk out. When it came to the part where it says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...,” Liz leaned over to her friend and said with a laugh, “I’d gladly give myself to any man if I knew he would die for me.”

Her friend leaned back and said, “Liz, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for months. There is a man who loved you enough to die for you. His name is Jesus. That’s how much He loves you.”

Not long after that, Liz gave her life to that man.

So let’s hope that Gen Z keeps turning the clock back to traditional understandings. But let’s hope they go way, way back… like, back to the Bible.

Then they’ll know what “obey” is supposed to mean.

And we’ll see if they are still on board with it.

James Emery White

Sources

“Almost a Third of Gen Z Men Agree a Wife Should Obey Her Husband,” King’s College London, March 5, 2026, read online.

The story of Liz Curtis Higgs was adapted from Rick Warren, “You Were Planned for God’s Pleasure,” Purpose Driven Life.

Related Article

What We Get Wrong about Women Submitting to Their Husbands

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James Emery White is the founding and senior pastor of Mecklenburg Community Church in Charlotte, NC, and a former professor of theology and culture at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, where he also served as their fourth president. His latest book, Hybrid Church: Rethinking the Church for a Post-Christian Digital Age, is now available on Amazon or from your favorite bookseller. To enjoy a free subscription to the Church & Culture blog, visit churchandculture.org where you can view past blogs in our archive, read the latest church and culture news from around the world, and listen to the Church & Culture Podcast. Follow Dr. White on X, Facebook, and Instagram at @JamesEmeryWhite.