Our Kids are More Capable Than We Think—Sometimes Parents Just Need to Step Aside
I’ve had many different jobs; however, parenting is the best assignment God could ever have given me. Being a parent is a lesson almost every day of how much God must love us as his children, knowing that we have been made for more, while at the same time lovingly walking us through each step of the way when he wants us to trust him and figure it out.
It’s no mystery that today’s generation of children is struggling to figure life out. One in three adolescent children struggles with anxiety in trying to figure out the steps to being capable of living out life. Recently, I stepped aside and asked my 13-year-old daughter to order her meal at Chick-fil-A.
My daughter, like a lot of teens her age, struggles with anxiety, and while she is an all-star when it comes to school and being a good kid, I was convicted after spending time with counselor and author Sissy Goff. Goff, who is also a rock star when it comes to counseling and understanding adolescents, has written a new book titled "Capable." The book has been my guide in understanding and building resilience and skills for our kids.
During my time with Goff, she made it clear that our kids are more than capable of building up resistance and resilience. Before we go any further, the evidence is clear that we have a national crisis on our hands. During my time with Goff, she mentioned the following.
- One in seven teens will experience a mental health disorder.
- Today’s kids are more worried than the general population about school and mass shootings
- The American Academy of Pediatrics in 2021 issued a national state of emergency regarding children’s mental health in 2021 and has not rescinded the announcement.
Today’s kids and adolescents are struggling, not to mention adults and parents, who are also struggling. In fact, if a parent is struggling with anxiety, the child will be seven times more likely to also suffer from anxiety.
What I respect and love about Goff is her optimism that, despite the realities at hand regarding our youth, they are more than capable of living up to the gifts God has given them. Goff made it clear to me that, as a parent, I have been called to offer opportunities for my daughter to rise up and live up to the capabilities that God has instilled in her.
As I stepped aside to give my daughter the money to order her meal, I could tell that she was nervous; however, I could also see that inside of her was the verse that her mother and I prayed for her, Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through Christ." Yes, the same Holy Spirit that lives in us lives in our kids, not some small Holy Spirit but a powerful moving force.
As my daughter gave me the stare of, "Can you do it for me?" I had to walk away knowing that she could, and that this would be the first of many small steps toward laying out bigger steps I want her to work on to be ready and resilient in life. Our job as parents is to train up our children to be the disciples God has called them to be, along with giving them the life skills to live.
Goff, along with her counseling partner, Dave Thomas, has provided a list of 200 exercises that youth can do. Here are some examples.
- Pack their own lunch
- Visit a nursing home
- Learn a musical instrument
- Lead family devotional ( By the way, I can remember doing this when I was 12, not knowing that it would plant the seed of me being called into ministry)
As Zyan stepped away from the counter, I could see in her face that she had achieved the goal that she thought she couldn’t do, but learned that she could. During my time with Goff, I learned a valuable lesson that our children are capable not because I’m her dad but because her Father in heaven has given her everything that she needs to do and be in Him.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/TimMossholder
Originally published October 06, 2026.
