Surviving an Unwanted Divorce: Lysa TerKeurst’s Message of Biblical Hope

Lysa TerKeurst: Well, this particular project, I probably would never have written on my own because I felt it deserved a deep dive, to give people the biblical theology of divorce. And while I am fully capable of studying the scriptures, I probably wouldn't have had the confidence to write as in-depth about the biblical theology as I do, because Dr. Joel is involved in this project, plus the therapeutic side is really important. I'm always crystal clear, I'm not a therapist, so bringing in Jim Crest was really important. Probably the final reason that this was so crucial to have Dr. Joel and Jim Cress involved with me is because we do a podcast called Therapy and Theology. So the three of us are very used to tackling things from experiential wisdom, which is what I cover, the therapy side, which is what Jim covers, and a deeper theological presentation. And that's what Joel covers.

CW: Dr. Joel, what was it like working with Lysa?

DJ: The unique thing about this project is that, I’ve been working and I've known Lisa for over a decade. We're going into our 10th year right now. We have become real-life friends, not just like in front of a screen or on a podcast, we do a couple events together, but like live life together. Writing the book together, felt incredibly natural just because we have lived life together.

CW: Should people who aren’t going through a divorce read the book?

LT: Chances are at some point, it may have already been the case with you, you're going to run into a loved one, a friend, a family member that unfortunately is walking through an unwanted divorce. I say the very best thing that you can do is not try to give advice based on your experience, because most people have difficulties in their marriage. But there's a big difference between a difficult marriage and a destructive marriage. Yeah. When you cross over into being a destructive message, which is what my friend, taught me, um, it's a whole different game. You really do need to know what the Bible does and does not say about divorce, so that you can have helpful and not hurtful conversations with those you love. I think this book is the perfect resource to help equip those conversations that we will all inevitably probably have.

CW: How's this book different from your previous books?

LT: Well, this is probably the book that I wanted to write the least because, I never wanted this to be part of my story, once I got through it, I was not eager to revisit the pain, the heartbreak, the sadness, and the shock. I wrestled with this topic, but the thing is, I know the scripture is clear in Genesis 50:20, you intended to harm me, but God also had an intention, God intended it for good to accomplish something, to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. And when I look at the landscape of the evangelical community today, I know one of the fastest groups of people leaving the church, our women my age, specifically women my age, who are either in relationship devastation, or who are suffering through an unwanted divorce. I feel like a big reason for that is because scriptures have been weaponized upon them, causing pain upon pain, hurt upon hurt.

CW: Can you please unpack the hurt aspect of going through divorce?

LT: It's excruciatingly painful to need other Christians to support you, and to hear things like, well, you know, there's two sides to every story. And my thought is, this is not a spectator sport. Why are we picking sides? There's a family that's being decimated on the field. Can we just go and help where help is needed? And so I, I feel like if I had to go through this, then I, I want God to use it for good. And the other thing is that, you know, I, I think this book is different because of Joel and Jim's deep involvement in this. And it's a topic that needs to be covered, but I just didn't see a lot of other people raising their hand, willing to cover it. This is the book that I desperately needed. And thankfully I had Joel and Jim walking beside me, you know, because they were close personal friends. I felt very compelled to get this into the hands of the people that need it the most.

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MAINA MWAURA is a freelance writer and journalist who has interviewed over 800 influential leaders, including two US Presidents, three Vice-Presidents, and a variety of others. Maina, is also the author of the Influential Mentor, How the life and legacy of Howard Hendricks Equipped and Inspired a Generation of Leaders. Maina and his family reside in the Kennesaw, Georgia area.