Accountability Partner
Accountability Partner
We were not meant to live as self-reliant, independent operators. Yet many of us choose to live this way because we are afraid of vulnerability. Being known scares us. Admitting feelings or failures shames us. Somewhere, life taught us that openness was dangerous, so self-protection becomes huge. Fences and defenses keep people at arms length. Being competent and in control keeps our weaknesses and struggles out of the reach of others. No wonder we feel alone when we struggle with loneliness, temptation and pain. The walls around us are thick. Furthermore, the effort we pour into image maintenance separates us from who we really are. Hiding the “real me” from others sadly hides the “real me” from me! Image management, pretense—it is a lonely, diseased road.
Clearly we were not designed to journey alone. Without trusted friends we wither and sometimes die. God created us for community and interdependence—with him and with others. God is never alone. He is Trinity. And we are created in his interdependent image. We need others. We need their wisdom in unmasking defense mechanisms that keep the truth at bay. Many of us cannot get through a day or a relationship without falling back on rationalization, denial and blame. And our blind spots hinder us from recognizing how manipulative and hurtful these defenses are. However, what we cannot see is often blatantly visible to others. Without their help and love and truth, we will never know the taste of real freedom.
Not long ago I was challenged by a psychologist to ask several people I worked with how I came across to them. His suggestion proved to be enlightening. I didn’t see clearly how I affected people. I made erroneous assumptions about myself as well as others. And I needed that information if I was ever to change.
Accountability partners help us face into the truth of who we are in Christ. They help us face down the lies that shape us, and they orient us in the direction of God’s patient love. Together, accountability partners walk into the temptations and difficulties of life. They share the last 10 percent of themselves with each other. They let their secrets out. And together they focus on living holy and responsible lives, fueled by desire for God. Regular and prayerful companionship becomes a life-changing vehicle of God’s grace. Accountability partners are particularly valuable for those who (1) are reticent to share struggles, (2) feel stuck in the faith journey, (3) need help facing temptations, (4) tend to journey alone, (5) want to grow in appreciating the love of the body of Christ.
Reflection Questions
- Who do you talk to about your spiritual life?
Are you comfortable sharing your faith journey with another?
- Who has helped you grow in loving and trusting God?
How has he or she helped you?
- Where are the growing edges of your faith?
How do you pray about them and live them out?
- What are your besetting weaknesses? Addictions? Fears? Temptations?
Who is praying with and for you about these things?
- How do you celebrate and share God’s work in your life with others?
Spiritual Exercises
- If you would like to have an accountability partner, begin by asking God to bring someone to mind. An accountability partner does not have to be older and wiser than you. He or she simply needs to share the desire to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in the transformation process. • When a name comes to mind, approach the person(s) with your desire. Decide how often you will meet together. Begin by sharing your stories, temptations and desired areas of growth. Pray for each other.
- Think back over the last three decades about the people that have shaped your faith. List their initials on a piece of paper. Beside each initial describe how they helped you grow. What did they give you? What did they not give you? • What patterns do you see? • Discuss your observations with your accountability partner. • Discuss what you would like to be for one another.
- Mutually share your struggles and temptations with your accountability partner. • When faced with temptation, covenant to contact them for encouragement and help.
- Study the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15) with your accountability partner (or read The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen). • Share how you are like both the younger and older son. How are you becoming like the Father?
- Get a box of colorful adhesive bandages and meet with your accountability partner or group. Put a bandage on every part of your body that has been wounded physically or emotionally. Share when and how you received these wounds. Pray for each other. • In the following weeks discuss how your wounds affect your lifestyle. Where do they send you into rationalization, denial and blame? • Confess your sins and pray for each other.
- If you are someone who responds well to rewards or incentives, consider what sort of rewards motivate you to persevere. Are there particular incentives that could help you in cultivating godly patterns of thought and behavior? • How could your accountability partner help you celebrate times when you resist temptation or hold your tongue or encourage your spouse and so forth?
Resources for Accountability Partners
Lost and Found Ministries www.lostandfoundministries.org
Finding a Spiritual Friend by Timothy Jones
“Casual recreational sex is hardly a feast—it’s not even a good, hearty sandwich. It is a diet of fast food served in plastic containers. . . . The tiger of desire has to be tamed, not chained, nor mounted and ridden, but trained. Love never storms the gates.” —Joyce Huggett
Chastity
DESIRE | to revere God by receiving and honoring my body and the bodies of others with purity of thought and action |
DEFINITION | Healthy chastity is rooted in a deep acceptance of, respect for and protection of the glorious body God has given me and all other human beings. Chaste behavior cultivates sexual purity and nourishes trust. |
SCRIPTURE | “You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ” (Galatians 5:13) “No one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body.” (Ephesians 5:29-30) “You shall not commit adultery.” (Deuteronomy 5:18) |
PRACTICE INCLUDES |
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GOD-GIVEN FRUIT |
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