Shepherds can help fellow pilgrims recognize and name a desire, hunger, need, conviction, sin or thirst for God. We can offer questions like these:

• What are you longing for in your relationship to God?
• Where do you experience the Trinity in your life right now?
• What lies at the root of your most persistent longings?
• Where does your mind go when it is not focused on work?
• Where are you wounded and longing for healing?
• Who are you longing to be?
• Where are you not living out of your true identity in Christ?

For instance, someone who feels life rushing down on them like a stampede of horses may confess, “I’m trying to do everything and it’s killing me. I need mercy and help to change.” Tucked away in all the frustration and busyness is a desire to live in an unforced, peaceful rhythm of grace. Practices such as slowing, unplugging, retreat, contemplation and solitude are fueled by the desire to live in a saner rhythm. As the hard-packed soil of desire is exposed to God, the Spirit of truth settles into his transforming work. There are disciplines for those learning to love God through holding their tongue and disciplines for those learning to cherish God by speaking up in truth. There are practices for people who are burned out and depleted, and practices for those revved up and ready to roll. No matter where desperation and desire begin, there are spiritual disciplines that are fueled by just those desires and desperations.

Not everyone is connected to their God-given desires. People who are cut off from their desperations and longings are severed from an artery of connection with God and themselves. So shepherds must listen to where desire has been derailed or grown compulsive. They are present to help others connect more authentically with God.

“Pleasers” need shepherds who can help them identify their heart’s lost desperations and desires for God. Those who spend years substituting other’s longings and desires for their own can lose track of how they want to be with God. The needs and wants of kids, boss, spouse, church, school, community and parents can derail a pleaser’s own journey toward God. In fact, pleasers may be practicing spiritual disciplines suited to others rather than doing the hard work of naming their own desires before God. Shepherds help reveal the desire for God at the root of people’s souls.

Shepherds can also provide direction for those who feel they shouldn’t have wants and desires. When questions about legitimate wants and needs are ignored or punished, people learn to shut down emotionally. They ask for nothing. A soul shepherd can ask the questions that lead to practices which promote healing, hope and transformation.

When a person grows up learning that asking for something was never a safe thing to do, there is much to unlearn. People who have experienced deep disappointment around unmet longings also need soul shepherds that can point them to trust God’s goodness. They may also need guidance in how to live in the open space between desire and demand.

Entitled people also need shepherds who can help them reach beyond personal preferences to the God-given desires buried under the numbing weight of accumulating secondary things. They need to address what they really worship and where true life can be found.

The practices, relationships and experiences found in this handbook provide ways for spiritual directors, spiritual friends, mentors, parents, teachers, pastors and disciplers to tend to their own journey as well as the journey of others. The following suggestions are simple ways of attending to the soul of another in his or her spiritual journey. The questions open doors for discussion as well as deep prayer.

• Familiarize yourself with the spiritual disciplines found in this book. Consider how these practices have affected your own life.
• Help people name the desire they have for growth. Familiarity with the disciplines will enable you to help them match a discipline to their desire.
• Use the “Spiritual Growth Planner” if the person struggles with self-awareness. Discuss the responses and desires that surface.
• Once a discipline is chosen, discuss any new self-awareness that comes through the reflection questions. Where is God trying to get his or her attention? What responses are forming in the heart?
• Allow time for exploration of the spiritual exercises in each discipline. Invite responses and talk about what is happening in the soul through the practice of the discipline.
• Together notice where God is at work.
• Are there wounds that surface? Dysfunctional behavior that he or she longs to see change?
• What resistances to obedience surface?
• Where is there self-deceit, spiritual blindness or belief in lies?
• How is the person experiencing God in his or her life right now? What is that like for the person? What does he or she want to say to God about this?
• What next step would be a step of surrender and trust?
• Let what you see continue to deepen the conversation with God.