Part 3: Relinquish The False Self
Part Three
RELINQUISH THE FALSE SELF
Each of us has a beautiful true self inside of us. It is God’s gift to us. But many of us can hardly take this in. Somewhere life taught us that our true self wasn’t welcome or safe or wanted. Consequently, we learned to hide our true self. In its place we constructed a false self. The false self strives to cobble together an identity from secondary things: reputation, success, status, family, jobs, health. But an identity based on these things is rooted in idols. And idols can be lost! Things that can be here today and gone tomorrow provide a precarious mooring for the soul. Our truest identity can never be something we accomplish, earn or prove on our own. It is a gift we receive from Jesus. It is not something we earn through performance; it is what we are given. Scripture tells us that we are
- chosen (John 15:16)
- beloved children of God (1 John 3:1)
- friends of Jesus (John 15:15)
- the temple of God (1 Corinthians 3:16)
- God’s work of art (Ephesians 2:10)
- fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)
This is our truest self. We are not defective failures. We are treasured by the Lord of the universe. And this is why we can feel good about ourselves.
The R disciplines of “relinquishment” detach us from the idols that vie for our attention, and attach us to our true identity in Christ. When we recognize and name the idols that consume our energy, time and hearts, we can ask God for the grace to “let go,” relinquishing our dependence on these things. Through practices of relinquishment we detach from striving and unmask the false self with its pretense, attachments, agendas and grandiosities. In the presence of Christ we lay down the weight of having to manage an image. Francis de Sales writes in his Treatise on the Love of God, “No one can perfectly love God unless he gives up his affections for perishable things. . . . Our free will is never so free as when it is a slave to God’s will, just as it is never so servile as when it serves our own will.” Detachment from the false self and idols of our heart can be a painful process. But God’s Spirit of truth longs to help us detach from the lies that shape us. Furthermore, the Holy Spirit bears witness to the truth of our belovedness and our “Christ-in-me identity.” [1] An identity rooted in Christ has a restful center. Surrendering to and maturing in this Christ-in-me identity is helped along by the R disciplines.
“There is no better mirror in which to see your need than the Ten Commandments.” —Martin Luther
Confession and Self-Examination
DESIRE | to surrender my weaknesses and faults to the forgiving love of Christ and intentionally desire and embrace practices that lead to transformation |
DEFINITION | Self-examination is a process whereby the Holy Spirit opens my heart to what is true about me. This is not the same thing as a neurotic shame-inducing inventory. Instead it is a way of opening myself to God within the safety of his love so I can authentically seek transformation. Confession embraces Christ’s gift of forgiveness and restoration while setting us on the path to renewal and change. |
SCRIPTURE | “Search me, O God, and know my heart; See if there is any offensive way in me, “Blessed is he Blessed is the man “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you my be healed.” (James 5:16) |
PRACTICE INCLUDES |
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GOD-GIVEN FRUIT |
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