Spiritual Friendship
Spiritual Friendship
Jesus Christ himself was the model friend. He walked the complicated path of interdependence, giving and receiving as he went. Jesus was not an independent mover and shaker. He lived his life in community. He could often be found in the company of twelve chosen companions. Together they shared good times and bad times, meals and money, work and rest. Among the Twelve, Jesus had three closer friends: Peter, James and John. Jesus invited these three men to share high points, like the transfiguration, and low points, like Gethsemane. Though he could have experienced these events alone, he included others in what was both sweet and costly. Jesus was not a friendless male or a man unable to connect with women friends. Mary and Martha held significant places in Jesus’ life. Ultimately, it was friendship with us that moved Jesus to embrace the cross. In John 15:13 he says, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” To die for a friend—that’s just not ordinary, everyday friendliness.
Friendliness is common currency today. We are told to “Fly the friendly skies.” User-friendly software always helps. Seeker-friendly churches make everyone feel welcome. And if you are in the eastern United States, you can eat at Friendlys. Friendliness doesn’t require loyalties or major investments of time and energy. Friendliness may grease the wheels of human interaction, but it is not the same thing as friendship. Friends are not a dime a dozen. They are not the same thing as allies, colleagues, neighbors, relatives and acquaintances. Friends require a degree of intentionality and self-donating love that goes beyond friendliness and supporting each other in some act or enterprise. Friends know our being as well as our doing. Friends mutually and naturally supply support, sharing, counsel, fun, encouragement, growth and a sense of being uniquely chosen and valued.
Spiritual friendship adds another dimension to the wonderful gift of friendship. As friends open their spiritual journeys to one another in the presence of Christ, they both step onto holy ground. Spirit connects with spirit. And the deep place where our spirit touches the Spirit of God becomes shared territory. Spiritual friends donate themselves to one another in love. They go out of their way to practice the biblical “one anothers” together (see appendix 6, “One Anothers”). Because of the bond of love, friends can hear truths from each other that they can’t with nonfriends. Furthermore, loyal spiritual friends help one another experience their true belovedness. Spiritual friendship is not an easy path. It winds through the rigors of giving and receiving love to the very end. It lays down convenience and dies to self for the sake of the friend.
While spiritual friends are chosen and unique, they do not cut themselves off from others, refusing to invite them into the depths of their friendship. Spiritual friends want their relationships to reflect the love of the Trinity. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit invite others in to their divine community. So true spiritual friends invite others into their shared loving and knowing. Loving another doesn’t create less love to share out—it creates more.
Reflection Questions
- When has God taken the initiative to be a friend to you?
- What sort of friend are you to God and others?
- Who do you talk to about your spiritual life?
How has a discerning, encouraging and challenging friend helped you in your journey?
- Do you turn to someone in a time of crisis, or do you wait until the crisis is over to talk to someone? What does this tell you about yourself ?
- Do you need to be needed and appreciated? How does this affect your friendships?
Spiritual Exercises
- Take a friend inventory: draw a lifeline and divide it into seven-year segments. Put the initials of friends who have been important to you in each segment. What do you notice about your friendships? What kind of friends do you tend to gather around you? • What does this tell you about yourself ?
- Draw two columns on a piece of paper. Title one “Characteristics of a Spiritual Friend.” Title the other “Characteristics of Myself as a Friend.” Now fill the columns with your observations. • What did you learn about yourself ?
- We can never be perfect as a friend. We have limitations and flaws. List your current limitations (physical, time, emotional, etc.). • Do you want a spiritual friend enough to rearrange your life to have one?
- When friends are taking a hit in your hectic life, develop one of the following disciplines: (1) write postcards while on the airplane, (2) read the same book together, (3) send flowers, balloons, cookies, (4) take a retreat together.
- Where do you want and need balance? Complete the following.
- Friends for the heart . . .
- Friends for the head . . .
- Friends for the hand . . .
- Friends for the soul . . .
Resources on Spiritual Friendship
Sacred Companions by David Benner
Soultalk by Larry Crabb
Spiritual Friendship by Aelred of Rievaulx
“In essentials unity. In nonessentials liberty. In all things charity.” —Rupert Meldinius
Unity
DESIRE | to live in harmony with Christ’s desire for the church to be one; to be a bridge-builder and peacemaker in the body of Christ |
DEFINITION | Unity is the mark that demonstrates to the world that the body of Christ is one organism, with one faith, one hope, one baptism and one God and Father of all. Unity lives out the reality that Christ has already reconciled all things to himself. So in him we belong to one another. |
SCRIPTURE | “How very good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity.” (Psalm 133:1) “There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called—one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” (Ephesians 4:4-6) “The goal is for all of them to become one heart and mind— Just as you, Father, are in me and I in you, So they might be one heart and mind with us.” (John 17:21 The Message) “And through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.” (Colossians 1:20) |
PRACTICE INCLUDES |
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GOD-GIVEN FRUIT |
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