College Grading System

This is a list of the ways that professors in different departments grade their final exams:

Dept Of Statistics:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.

Dept Of Psychology:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.

Dept Of History:
All students get the same grade they got last year.

Dept Of Religion:
Grade is determined by God.

Dept Of Philosophy:
What is a grade?

English Dept.:
Your final exam will be scored by totalling the weight of all the books you read this semester:
40+ pounds - A
30 pounds - B
20 pounds - C
10 pounds - D
<10 pounds - F

Law School:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.

Dept Of Mathematics:
Grades are variable.

Dept. Of Physics:
Grades are relative. but...
All theoretical physics is really mathematics. See Above.

Dept. Of Chemistry:
All theoretical chemistry is really physics. See Above.

Dept. Of Biology:
All theoretical biology is really chemistry. See Above.

Dept. Of Logic:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.

Dept. Of Marxist Studies:
The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles. Therefore, everyone will now get the same grade!

Dept. Of Economics:
All of your grades, as a collection, will reach the level where your marginal product (MP) of labour for each individual grade is equal.

Dept. Of Operations & Logistics Management:
Grades will be posted *at* 12:00 Noon.
NOT 11:59 -- NOT 12:01

Dept. Of Computer Science:
Random number generator determines grade, but...
YOUR grade is an object in a class of its own.

Music Department:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).

Originally published November 14, 2002.