4 Tips for Biblically Disciplining Your Child

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”

The Bible encourages us to take an active role in forming our children’s character. This means setting boundaries in our homes about what behavior is acceptable and what is not, as well as establishing consequences for when those boundaries are crossed, is a part of loving and biblical parenting.

Some parenting trends lean heavily towards allowing children to rule the home without much guidance or correction. The Bible warns that there is a way that seems right to humans, and it leads to death (Proverbs 14:12). Our kids need us to show them God’s way and correct them when their hearts, minds, and actions are far from God’s way.

1 Corinthians 13:7 says, “It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Real love protects us. A part of being protective of our children is showing them which boundaries in our lives are there for their good. Parents are there to teach their children that real love requires a level of submission to the parameters of the relationship or situation that offers the most health and happiness.

While we know living with boundaries is part of God’s good plan for us as we guard ourselves against our sinful nature, we must be mindful of how we administer the correction our children need.

Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

When addressing issues in our homes, we must show our children respect. Parents are, first and foremost, the primary models of whatever behavior we are trying to get our children to display. If we expect them to respect us, we must always show them respect, too.

This is important to remember when we are disciplining from a place of anger, exhaustion, frustration, or exasperation. If you are unable to address the issue with your child in a way that does not demean them, it may be better to table the issue and revisit it when your mind and body are in a better space as a parent.

I know from experience that this is much easier said than done. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment or with younger kids, we respond out of our anger when immediate action is required. My encouragement to you and me is that if that has happened, revisit the situation once you’ve calmed down. Apologize for your anger, explain why the problem must be addressed, and ask them how they feel about it now that the incident has passed. We don’t always get it right immediately, but hope is not lost. We can always follow up to clear the air with our kids and ensure they know you care for them.

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Deuteronomy 6:6-9 states, “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and your gates.”

Ultimately, our job as parents is to do all we can to raise kids who love the Lord with all their heart, mind, and soul and love their neighbors as themselves. The best way to show them God’s way is to teach them God’s word.

We’ve had situations in which we’ve had to offer some immediate consequences, such as giving away all of our tablets when we found a child was looking up inappropriate content when we were not looking. But after that initial consequence, my husband spent months meeting with this child, teaching them what the Bible teaches us about guarding our hearts, purity, love, lust, addiction, and more.

Some issues need more than a one-time “don’t do that,” especially when our kids get older, and their world becomes more complex. We have to come alongside them and teach them God’s way, or the world will show them the way that ultimately leads to the destruction of our souls. They need to know why we believe certain things to be true, understand the value of certain boundaries that we keep in our homes, and how they can embrace these things independently as they become more and more independent.

We must create space for discussion, questions, exploration, safe places for failure, and nurturing. Biblical discipline looks like shepherding. It’s firm but soft in its delivery. It’s consistent but always willing to pivot when needed. And it always points our families towards God’s truth and endless love for us.

James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”

One thing is sure: parenting is complicated and challenging! Each of our kids carries with them different personality traits; some of them come with special needs, and they are navigating unique relational dynamics and their sinful nature. Walking alongside them as a protector and a guide can sometimes be overwhelming. The good news is that when we lack wisdom, God gives it generously to us!

We can rely on God’s spirit to gently guide us as parents and even alert us to things we may not know about our kids.

In one instance, one of our kids was sneaking around after dark. I felt the Holy Spirit tell me to get up and check on this kid. I did and immediately saw what they were into. After the situation had passed, I joked with them that they wouldn’t be able to get away with anything because I had the Holy Spirit helping me as a parent.

It’s true; I can’t know everything about my six kids. I can’t always see the best path forward for them. I can’t monitor everything they are doing. And I don’t need to! I can rely on God to guide me, correct me as a parent, and alert me when I need to be more vigilant in my parenting. Most of all, we can trust God to help us on this journey and strengthen us as we do the holy work of guiding our children.