5 Laments for the Childless This Mother's Day

1. Life’s not fair.

Everywhere we turn, we see the evidence of the unfairness of this life. We know of children who are neglected or abused by mothers who can’t or won’t take care of them. Every year, more than one million babies in the United States are killed through abortion.

Why would God give children to those women but not you? Our human reasoning can’t comprehend the decisions of a sovereign God who allows people to choose to sin.

So I tried to understand why the wicked prosper. But what a difficult task it is! Then I went into your sanctuary, O God, and I finally understood the destiny of the wicked. (Psalm 73:16-17 NLT)

With finite reasoning and limited understanding, we will never have answers to the difficult question of fairness on this side of heaven. The Psalmist points us to a place, a refuge to quell our raging thoughts. The sanctuary of God—His presence—waits for us when we despair. As we come near to Jesus, the angst of unanswered questions about fairness fades into the background, and we have peace.

In God’s presence, we also better understand our pain and experience the comforting touch of God’s Spirit.

Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. (Psalm 73:21, 23-25 NLT)

In His presence, God enlightens us about His nature and our own heart. We realize that when we desire Him more than anything—even children—we look forward to a glorious destiny.

In grief, we often fall prey to the enemy’s lies. Doubt, confusion, fear, and despair cloud the truth of God’s good plans for us. The Psalmist reminds us that Almighty God is always on our side.

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. My enemies will retreat when I call to you for help. This I know: God is on my side! (Psalm 56:8-9 NLT)

Can you imagine your heavenly Father tenderly collecting every tear you’ve ever shed? He keeps track of the injustice of your deferred dream of motherhood. I can’t help but think He saves our tears because He will one day redeem and restore our sorrows.

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2. There must be something wrong with me.

Satan whispers lies to the childless woman to attack her sense of worth. He twists the truth and shoots poison arrows of condemnation straight at hurting hearts to drive them away from God’s love and comfort.

God would have blessed you with a baby if you hadn’t been with that guy before you were married.

Look how badly you messed up in the past. How can God trust you to take care of a child now?

Maybe your body would work better if you’d taken better care of it.

If you are tempted to agree with Satan that God may be punishing you with infertility because of past sin, apply this biblical truth to your heart.

He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. (Psalm 103:10-11 NLT)

Are you a child of God through faith in Jesus? If so, He never condemns you. Remember, Jesus already received the punishment we deserved for our sins. We don’t want to nullify His sacrifice on the cross by believing and acting on Satan’s vicious lies. The truth is God lovingly corrects us as needed to teach us to be more like Jesus. He doesn’t hold our past offenses against us.

Satan also uses physical problems to sow seeds of doubt about our value to God. Each monthly cycle reminds you something must be wrong with your body. Perhaps you’ve even confirmed the problem with a diagnosis.

Our physical abnormalities and sicknesses do not detract from our value to God. Despite the inheritance of sin that corrupts our bodies with illness, God delights in you, His creation.

I will give thanks to You, because I am awesomely and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. (Psalm 139:14 NASB)

I suspect David understood the failures of his body as well as anyone. Yet, speaking of himself, he wrote about the wonder of God’s work. When we diminish our value because part of our body doesn’t work as expected, we also detract from the glory God deserves.

My friend, you are valuable to God, even if you remain childless. Take to heart the fact that He chose you as His precious child.

Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you. (Isaiah 43:4 NLT)

God gave His one and only Son as a ransom for you. That’s how much He values you.

3. Without a child, I have no purpose.

Before He created you, God knew you would not have children at this time. He also knows if and how you will receive them at some later date. But Jesus gave us purposes that should permeate our lives with or without children.

In his letter to the Philippians, Apostle Paul wrote about the contentment he found in all circumstances, whether he got what he believed he needed or not.

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13 NLT)

Contentment, a sign of trust and dependence on God, is a purpose of every believer. Can you reflect God’s goodness and faithfulness even as you long for a child?

Another purpose stands out from God’s Word.

So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” (2 Corinthians 5:20 NLT)

Each day, we can share the good news of Jesus, even as we wait and grieve losses. Our words, backed up by actions that imitate Christ, may lead someone to be born into God’s family.

A third purpose flows directly from your current circumstance of childlessness. As you receive comfort from God’s Spirit, He enables you to become a conduit of His comfort for others.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NLT)

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4. I’ve lost all hope.

Any woman who has unfulfilled longings for a child suffers loss and grief. Prolonged grieving often leads to resignation, an acceptance that you are stuck in despair forever.

At some point in nineteen years of disappointment, my friend lost hope and resigned herself to her dismal fate. In year twenty, God miraculously provided a child. Elise never expected God’s provision after such a long time. But God knew and carried out His plan for her.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT)

God rarely works in the way we expect. And He’s always able to do more than we can imagine. His plan for us is best.

As children of a loving God, we can accept and even grieve difficult circumstances with hope. Hope superimposes the character of God over our disappointment and loss.

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God! (Psalm 42:11 NLT)

The Psalmist acknowledges the reality of his discouragement overlaid with hope. Notice that he doesn’t hope in a changed circumstance. No, his hope is in God. He moves into God’s presence to receive His comfort and provision.

5. I wonder if God really loves me.

The women of the Bible who experienced barrenness often felt empty and unloved. Though Sarai had an explicit promise of a son from God, she grew so discouraged during the long wait that she offered her maid to Abram. On two occasions, Rachel, the wife of Jacob, did the same in her race to produce more sons than her sister, Leah. Hannah’s husband loved her, but she could scarcely notice his devotion in her distress.

Perhaps you, too, feel unloved because you have no children. Submit your emotions to God and meditate on His Word until you are convinced His love for you is constant and immovable.

I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself. (Jeremiah 31:3 NLT)

Did you receive that message? You are one of God’s people. He never leaves you. His arms are always open, drawing you in. Nothing you do or cannot do will separate you from Him.

So the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help. (Isaiah 30:18 NLT)

Our Father in heaven stands ready to lavish love and compassion on you. Look to Him and open your heart to receive. He won’t disappoint.

And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. (Ephesians 3:18-19 NLT)

Beloved, will you take time today to meditate on these verses until you feel the reality of His love and care for you? Rely on Jesus alone to complete and fulfill you.

Take All Your Laments to God

I hope you’ve taken some time to sit with God and lament your unfulfilled desires about children using these Bible verses. How has God ministered to your needs through His Word?

I realize some of these verses may seem hard to swallow. Others may feel trite. Maybe you’ve heard them all before, and they didn’t “work.” You’re still wanting. If those bitter feelings surface, commit to work through them with God in prayer. You don’t want to miss out on the power of His Word to heal your broken heart.

Some of the most precious words in the Bible were written in the book of Lamentations by a heartbroken man.

The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!” (Lamentations 3:22-24 NLT)

Will you join his lament every morning and receive the endless supply of God’s mercies for you?

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