5 Seemingly Small Things That Matter to Your Kids
- Alicia Searl Contributing Writer
- Updated Feb 02, 2024
Having three daughters of vastly different ages, I can attest to the fact that what matters most to each of them varies a bit, but one thing is clear – it is the small (and often seen as insignificant) things that children seem to crave the most from us.
So, what are those small things that matter most to our kids?
Well, to discover the answer to that question, I simply asked each of my girls. Do keep in mind that I have daughters, two of which are teenagers. While boys may answer this differently, I still believe that all children have certain things that matter to them. With that, here is what each of my dear daughters said.
As I approached my oldest, who is seventeen, with this very question, she stared at me for a second, then quickly retorted, “Why do you ask?” Then, a few moments later, she added, “That’s a brood question.” (giggle) Then she thought for a moment and simply said one word. Understanding.
Yep! That would make sense. She wanted to be understood. After the year we have had (remember she is seventeen), I could totally “understand” her need for understanding.
Next, I texted my middle daughter and presented the same question, “What matters most to you?” To be honest, I was just genuinely curious as to how she would answer, maybe because she is my most forthcoming and generally straightforward child. So, naturally, her response truly fit her persona. Within minutes, she sent me back this list: self-worth, self-image, respect, to be heard, to be “perfect,” to be successful, to have something to be proud of, not to be a disappointment, to make people proud, money, what I look like, how I act, and music. With lots and lots of emojis- ha!
The two answers that stood out to me were to be “perfect” and money. Truthfully, it made me chuckle and question if I am doing anything right as a mother. Sigh.
Finally, I approached my eight-year-old with the same question. Her eyes immediately lit up, then she jumped on me, hugged me tight, and sweetly said, “For you to play with me.” The next thing I knew, she was quickly running upstairs and bouncing back down with the game of Candy Land in hand.
The truth is there are so many little things that matter to our children. Maybe you can ask your little people what matters most to them and see what transpires. Perhaps some of their answers will shock you or touch your heart.
But, after thinking about this, I came to the realization all my children want is to be heard, seen, and valued. In other words, they crave my undivided attention to feel worthy, love spending quality time with me, want to feel safe, and like to have fun!
Friend, it really is the small things that we do and provide for our little people that can make all the difference!
-
![Father dancing with daughter]()
1. Undivided Attention
Slide 1 of 5Based on my oldest answer, I think all children and teens just want to be heard and understood. Yet, if I were being perfectly honest, so many times, I am quick to shut a thought down from my child if it doesn’t match my own standards or beliefs. I’ve noticed in my parenting that I have often been very narrow-minded, which brings forth tension, strife, and division. This has been a huge learning curve for me.
As our children grow and develop, seeking to gain independence, I have noticed that they simply want to know that they are still loved, regardless of their mistakes and failures. While we may not like some of our children’s choices (and must deliver appropriate discipline), there is a sweet spot where communication leads to a better “understanding” as a means to relate and truly see “the heart” behind such choices.
If your child struggles with sharing, try a journal where both of you can write and exchange thoughts about certain issues they are facing. You can also jot down Scriptures and reminders of who they are and how much they are loved.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/LuckyBusiness -
![parent Father and son fishing together at creek in the fall]()
2. To Feel Worthy and Special
Slide 2 of 5Who doesn’t want to feel worthy and special? After all, we were created by a master creator to feel valued (Psalm 139:14). Upon reading the text from my mighty middle daughter, it is apparent that all children seek that feeling of worth from their parents first and foremost. While we can definitely feed that need, we ultimately have the obligation and are commanded to help our children seek that value from God alone (Romans 5:8 and Isiaih 43:4).
That said, as we seek to help them gain self-worth, this is where we can tap into their personalities and love languages a bit. While they are still growing and changing, it is easy to pick up on the high-spirited child vs. the calm and mellow one. So, where your high-spirited child may need more energy from you in the way of doing physical and fun outings, your calmer child may just want a sincere compliment and to snuggle in your lap with their favorite movie.
We can always ask them what makes them feel loved and do our best to meet that need. When we strive to be attentive to their needs and what fills their “love tank,” so to speak, we are essentially giving them confidence and a reminder that there is a good and gracious Father who loves us all.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/wundervisuals
-
![Mom and teen daughter painting craft]()
3. Quality Time
Slide 3 of 5It has been said that kids spell love T.I.M.E. I would have to agree with that. The truth of the matter is that we live in a fast-paced and ever-changing world that leads us to believe we all must keep up. We do this in our careers, our extracurriculars, and, to some extent, with our own families.
However, when we rush from one event to the next and fill up our schedules only to feel completely depleted, we are essentially giving our children our left-over time. We may even have the best intentions in mind, but when we don’t take time to slow down and truly “see” our children, we are missing the mark here.
Ouch! Ok, this hits home for me, and in all transparency, I struggle with this one. I may be in the same room with my kiddos or rushing to events having them in my presence, but it is different than being intentional and setting down my phone or stepping away from the schedule and actually savoring the time. That means looking them in the eye and asking about their day, holding their hand and skipping to the park, or taking them on a lunch date and asking how they are doing and then truly listening. Making time to truly be present is a small notion with a big impact.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/mixetto -
![Family on couch parents talking to kids]()
4. Safety and Security
Slide 4 of 5We are all born with an innate need to feel safe and secure. We see this play out with our children every time we head to the bathroom, and here they come, trailing behind, or the lights go out at night, and they may cry in fear of the dark.
As infants, they are entirely dependent on us to survive. While they grow and gain some independence, there is always a deep-seated need to gravitate toward the parents for safety and security. We are essentially their safe haven and first responders; the ones who will lay down our lives for theirs.
However, that said, we can (and will) fail them at times, so it is vital to share with our children the importance of seeking refuge in God and how that may look when trouble arises (Psalms 46:1). We can teach our children when they are young that when we feel insecure and become afraid, they can pray to God and ask for help or read His Word. Modeling this while etching these truths in their hearts will be something they can carry into adulthood.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/kupicoo -
![Kids summer sprinkler fun]()
5. Have Fun!
Slide 5 of 5Laughter really is good medicine (Provers 17:22). It’s biblical! We are to have fun with our families and laugh - a lot! A family that seeks to have fun together not only creates lasting memories but allows room for unity and love. It creates space for hearts to soften so that when bumpy times come (and they will), there is a sense of warmth and a welcomed space to share rather than an instinct to retreat.
So, start young and have fun! That way, when they are older, they will still want to hang out with you. You will likely realize that family fun may change and morph into something new as your children grow, but it is always so worth it! Even if they seem stand-offish or hesitate to join in, keep trying. If you need some ideas for a sense of adventure and family fun, check out a few ideas below:
-Sing along to karaoke.
-Have an ice cream bar with all the yummy essentials.
-Get competitive and set up an obstacle course.
-Cook dinner together and bake cookies.
-Paint or do a craft together.
-Have a movie night with homemade popcorn and all your favorite candy.
-Play at the park together.
-Volunteer at a charity together.
-Go camping (or glamping)
-Check out a new restaurant or hot spot in your local area.
A Closing Prayer
Father, thank you for the precious gift of our children. As we strive to meet their needs and train them up in the way to go, please lead and guide us, offer us wisdom and discernment, and allow us to love them in the way that matters most. Help us pay close attention and listen with an open mind. Give us the means to say words of encouragement and speak their love language. Grant us the time to spend with them that is devoted to fostering a healthy relationship. Help us create a safe and inviting home for them to always feel welcome, and help us seek ways to have fun and find time to create lasting memories. We love our precious children, and we love You. Amen.
Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him. Psalm 127:3
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Choreograph
Previous
