5 Ways to Extend Forgiveness to Broken Family Relationships This Thanksgiving

1. Pray

Although it may seem obvious, pray and ask God to help you extend forgiveness. We are obligated to forgive even when we don't feel like forgiving. However, Jesus is our best model of someone who forgives easily and is slow to anger. When Jesus was on the cross, he was stripped of his deity and was in every way a human being. I can only imagine how he felt when people shouted malicious accusations and insults at him. He may have been tempted to hurl insults back, but instead, he went to the Father: "Forgive them, father, for they know not what they do." Because of Jesus's deity, he forgave the people for false accusations and wrongful death.

Go to God and ask him to help you forgive. Ask him to soften your heart and allow him to help you see them through his eyes. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal anything regarding those people that will help you to forgive. Sometimes, knowing people's stories is enough to help you extend compassion and grace rather than anger and wrath. It also helps when people treat us unfairly. However, staying mad at someone when you're on your knees praying for them is difficult.

2. Be the Bigger Person

Analyze the reasons for your broken relationship with the family member. Even if the incident that caused the turmoil is completely their fault, strive to be the bigger person and initiate conversation. Avoiding a tough family member when we want to avoid conflict is easy. Yet, initiating conversation may be your best bet when starting fresh and mending the broken relationship.

If the incident comes up during the conversation, strive to confess your part in the problem. Apologize for your contribution to the conflict. This may inspire the other person to reciprocate and ask for forgiveness for the part they got wrong. More than likely, you played some part in the wrongful action. Admitting your faults demonstrates humility and a willingness to continue in the relationship.

3. Do the Soul Work

Sometimes, we engage in broken relationships because we ourselves are broken. Not only should we engage in spiritual disciplines to help move us forward in our spiritual maturity, but we also need to make sure our souls do not carry any baggage that may deter us from engaging in healthy relationships. For example, is there any trauma from your past that may be contributing to this broken relationship? Sometimes, we project issues in our souls onto others where we want justice. Are there lies, wounds, or other childhood trauma that might contribute to the brokenness of this relationship? Engage in quiet time with the Lord. Ask him to reveal any people whom you haven't forgiven. You may be surprised to find a similar incident that caused a broken relationship with the family may have also happened in church, or with friends or co-workers. Identify the parallels between this and other broken relationships in your past. Seek the Lord's help to fix those relationships. Then, move on to your current family relationship. Take steps to fix that before the holidays. Not only will it give you peace of mind, but also make your holidays more enjoyable.

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Nicola Katie

4. Let it Go

In the moment, it may seem like the conflict that caused the broken relationship seemed like a big deal. But as you have had time to reflect on the incident, is it truly worth holding a grudge? Let it go. Read Scripture about forgiveness. Reflect on how important Jesus sees forgiveness. Not only are we obligated to forgive, but Scripture says if we don't forgive others, we won't be forgiven of our sins. Letting go, even if you are right, may also help rid you of the negative emotions that impede your spiritual growth. At the end of life, it won't be how many times you attended church or how faithfully you attended Sunday School, but how well you applied God's word to your life. If you can't apply God's word to your own life, church attendance will mean very little. Journal your feelings, then ask God for his intercession to let it go.

5. Take Your Time

Forgiveness is a process. As Christians, we often think if we just say we have forgiven someone, forgiveness has taken place. Do a heart analysis. What emotions do you feel when you hear that family member's name? Do you feel positive ones like happiness and joy? Or do you feel negative ones like anger and jealousy? Although anger is not a sinful emotion by itself, if left unchecked, it can become sinful if we act upon it. For example, if you feel anger over the family member you haven't forgiven and make biting comments across the Thanksgiving dinner table to them, the anger has turned into bitterness or, at the least, discontentment. Continue the process of forgiveness until you feel peace.

Display the Fruits of the Spirit

Romans 12:18 says, "As it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Even when we seek to fulfill this in our lives, it is only possible to change our reaction to people. We cannot control someone else's lack of peace. If you have made strides to reach out and reconcile the relationship, and it is not reciprocated, it is appropriate to move on. God knows our hearts. If we have done everything we can to reconcile and forgive the offender, we have fulfilled our obligation. It is okay to move on and not allow that toxic person back into your life.

Relationships can be tricky, especially if it involves family. Family members who have watched us grow up may not easily see God's transformative work in our lives. The best way to prove it is to display the fruits of the spirit so we can achieve reconciliation and enjoy the holidays with our families. Apply the Word of God and seek forgiveness when you can. Make your best effort, and God will honor our actions and give him the glory God deserves because forgiveness cannot be achieved without the Holy Spirit. God enjoys it when his followers seek to be more like him. There is no other way to demonstrate God in our hearts than with forgiveness. Allow your light to shine and demonstrate the Christlike character necessary to demonstrate God's power, not only during the holidays but every day of the week. You will have much better relationships because of it, too.