Are Men Today Taking Too Long to Propose?

Women naturally mature faster than men, both mentally and physically. My dad has a saying that is partly true and partly funny: “Women get their adult brains at 25, but men never do.” Women’s brains develop by the time we are 25 years old; however, science says men’s brains do as well. However, as my dad’s saying implies, some men never grow up. Due to this thinking, they are not considering marriage because it is not on their radar.

This is not the “golden rule” for men because many men are mature and choose to marry early on. Nonetheless, women do not need to believe that their boyfriends don’t like them or aren’t serious because they have not proposed yet. This doesn’t even need to be considered. If your boyfriend is with you, he is with you because he loves you. Granted, there are no proposal talks right now, but he needs a gentle nudge in the right direction.

While some women want their engagement to be a complete surprise, other women give their boyfriends a set date of when they want to get engaged. If you have been with your boyfriend for a long time and feel this is the right step to take, could you try to talk things out with him? It would also be good to pray ahead of time, study the Bible, and ask the Lord to direct you. The Lord’s Word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path (Psalm 119:105).

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Men can take longer to be ready for engagement than women are because they are often more focused on building a career before they start a family. This doesn’t mean they don’t want to marry or have a family; instead, they focus more on their career. Many men want to know they are financially stable and can care for their significant other before engagement. Consider your boyfriend's financial situation—is he still in college, starting an internship, or going through a tough patch?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, it would be reasonable to say that he is not focused on an engagement right now. He wants to ensure he can provide for you before he takes this step. I believe that as women, we try to read into things way too much when men legitimately do not think the way we do. If your boyfriend is stalling, it could be just waiting until he is in a better financial situation before proposing. It is better to talk things out rather than to assume things.

Men are much more career-oriented than many women are. Therefore, you need to understand their thinking process. As I mentioned, he wants to ensure he is established in his career and can provide for you before making this significant step. Engagements are not just something that should be taken lightly. They are a sign of a bond that will last for your life. Your boyfriend wants to ensure the situation is as good as possible before making this significant step in your relationship.

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However, some men have commitment problems. Due to these struggles, it can be hard for them to commit to an engagement because they know it will lead to marriage. Sometimes, if a man has struggled with commitments in other aspects of his life, he will also struggle when it comes to committing in marriage. While many people will say this is a personal flaw, there is usually a reason why someone struggles with commitment.

I don’t know your boyfriend like you do, so you must carefully consider the situation. Is your boyfriend giving you any signs that commitment is an issue? If he is, it is best to discuss things with him. It is not a reason to break up with him. Many dating experts will tell you to break up with someone who hasn’t committed to marriage within a particular time frame, but I don’t think that is fair. Men tend to struggle to admit when they are afraid; sometimes, commitment can be scary.

For example, if your boyfriend’s dad left his mom, he might be worried that he will repeat the same pattern. It could be that he doesn’t trust himself and is afraid he will hurt you. Try to gather all this information before you allow your mind to spiral. Sometimes it is as simple as “I’m afraid,” which is okay. To be afraid is to be human.

If your boyfriend is afraid, he needs you to comfort and support him, not to be upset with him for not proposing yet. To be vulnerable and open up about your fears takes tremendous strength and trust. Please don’t break this trust that he has in you. While I understand it can be hard to see everyone around you getting engaged, you must remember that your boyfriend isn’t concerned with those things.

He is more concerned with working through his issues and not repeating the same mistakes of his family’s past. Remembering this and reflecting on it will do wonders for your relationship. In truth, it might make it stronger. Rather than pushing your boyfriend to commit or break up with him, talk with him, consult the Lord in prayer, and pray for your boyfriend.

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If you and your boyfriend discover through prayer and talking with one another that there are deeper-rooted issues at play, you might want to try couples therapy. There is no shame in couples therapy, as it can help tremendously. Problems, worries, and thought processes that need to be worked through can be completed in counseling. Many couples avoid counseling because they believe it means they have somehow failed, but this is not true. Couples counseling can strengthen your relationship and help you better communicate.

Some troubles might not be worked through just between you and your partner, and that's okay. A couple’s therapist can help you and your boyfriend figure out what to do. If you truly love your boyfriend and he truly loves you, you will have to start learning how to do hard things, make sacrifices for one another, and step out of your comfort zone. God can help you both and prepare your heart for marriage.

It may not be time yet; you'll need to work through these issues beforehand. I believe it is common for us as women to take these issues personally or try to “fix” our boyfriends, but we don’t need to take these things personally, nor do we need to try to change our boyfriends. If a man wants to marry a woman, he will do so in his own time. This might take some patience, but when you love someone, you don’t mind waiting for them.

Work through any issues in couples therapy, become more involved in praying for your boyfriend, and try to hold onto the truth that the world isn’t end if you don’t get engaged soon. It is better to cover all the bases and ensure everyone is on the same page before making lasting decisions. It might be that your boyfriend won’t become your husband, which is okay too. Sometimes people come into our lives for a specific period of time, and then they leave.

If this is what happens in your present relationship, know that it does not reflect your worth, as you are complete in Christ (Colossians 2:9-10). It could be God preparing you for someone different, who might come into your life a few years later. Wait on the Lord, submit to Him, and trust Him (Psalm 27:14). He has beautiful things in store for your life, regardless of a proposal (1 Corinthians 2:9).

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