7 Common Marriage Mistakes That Cause Couples to Grow Apart

Supportive couples create space for one another, valuing individual interests and pastimes. But one common mistake is focusing too heavily on "me" time. I've even heard of couples switching off babysitting, as often as every other night, so they are free to do what they want.

It's obvious how this habit can lead to feelings of distance and separation, especially when little time is spent together. The solution is to create a balanced schedule that allows time spent with God, each other, and activities that promote personal growth.

Another way to help maintain connection in the relationship is to share locations and agendas. There shouldn't be any guesswork about where one spouse is at any given time. The more upfront, the better. Philippians 2:4 (AMP) is a good reminder: "Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others."

"Me" time isn't wrong, but it can cause couples to grow apart when taken to the extreme. Work together on a healthy routine that's best for the whole family, making time with God your number one priority.

Settling into a rut is probably the most common of all the mistakes people make in marriage.

When couples rarely do anything outside the daily grind, feelings of boredom or even resentment come into play. Thankfully, there's an easy fix to this mistake that only requires a bit of creativity. Change up your weekly routine with these simple ideas:

-Host Friday game nights or Saturday socials

-Start a new hiking or biking routine

-Create fun social media reels that highlight your marriage

-Join a community service team

When you want to implement a bit of variety into your marriage, the options are plentiful. It's healthy to change up your routine once in a while. So, take a few minutes to jot down some ideas and get them on the calendar!

Comparison affects us more than we realize, especially when we feel like our wants and desires aren't being met. The solution is to resist comparing your experiences to others and focus more on the richness of God's blessings.

Here are some encouraging verses from Psalm 119:

"The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold." (Vs. 72)

"If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction. I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life." (Vs. 92-93)

"How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path." (Vs. 103-104)

Comparison divides, but contentment in Christ unites. Don't believe in every "happy" narrative you read or every highlighted reel you see. Be content with what you have, as Hebrews 13:5 says, "Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'" (NKJV)

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Oh, how easy it is to assume things about each other. When our spouse is quiet, we assume they're upset or angry. When they're not as affectionate, we assume they're not attracted to us. The list of assumptions goes on and on, however, they are often unfair and untrue.

Seeking clarification is one remedy to this common problem, and it's a healthy way to communicate without blame. Asking our spouse to clarify why they are behaving a certain way can clear up a lot of confusion. The key is to ask questions without causing the other person to take offense.

Here are some non-threatening conversation starters:

"I've noticed you're spending more time on social media; what are some of your favorite channels?"

"You've been quiet lately; is there anything bothering you?"

"You seem more stressed about work; how can I help you decompress?"

Remember, the enemy loves it when we assume false things about our spouse. It's his way of splintering the relationship one small division at a time. When we refuse to make assumptions and ask for clarification, we're taking healthy steps toward better communication and closer connection.

Prioritizing work over family has been a common mistake for most marriages. While there are seasons when couples might need to put in more hours, work can easily become an excuse. Even though this isn't a new problem, it's a persistent one.

I love Proverbs 16:3, which says, "Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established." (ESV) This encourages us to involve the Lord in all we do, including work. In turn, He establishes our plans. He is a God of order and knows how much time should be spent working, resting, and being together.

Have an honest conversation about work. Be open to your spouse's requests for more time with you. See it as a blessing that they want to be in your company. Pray together for wisdom and consider refining your work schedule to prioritize your relationship.

This marriage mistake is a tough one, because who doesn't love their kids with the fiercest love this side of heaven? But too many couples focus so heavily on their children, they naturally grow apart.

God's design is that we seek Him first and marriage second. He created husbands and wives to meet each other's needs so that they could work together in raising a family. When this is out of alignment, the children hold the marriage together instead of love and devotion to each other.

Once the kids grow up and move away, couples are left with very little connection and often go their separate ways. Recognizing this now can help you pivot from over-prioritizing the kids and reprioritizing one another. Together, you can enjoy your children and support them better than ever.

When one spouse is diligent about cultivating their faith and going deeper with God, it can be tempting to judge the other person's spiritual maturity, or lack thereof. This is a dangerous mistake that can actually push someone away from the Lord and create a damaging sense of shame regarding their Spiritual walk.

Pride is often at the center of this problem, as the "spiritually mature" spouse feels superior to the other. They might not be fully aware of it, but when addressed honestly, pride is usually at the root of it. Fortunately, the solution is given throughout the Bible in verses such as:

"Receive one who is weak in the faith, but not to disputes over doubtful things." (Romans 14:1 NKJV)

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Matthew 7:1-2)

"Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble." (1 Peter 3:8)

The last verse from 1 Peter is key in overcoming pride in marriage. Being like-minded, sympathetic, loving, compassionate, and humble is an irrefutable formula that can change your whole relationship.

Mistakes are common in every marriage—some big and some small. But the sooner you recognize them, the sooner you can ask for God's help reconnecting with your spouse in new ways. He is your best supporter and will always create a bridge to bring you closer together.