5 Dating Habits to Kick and Start This Year

When dating, we often become so concerned with presenting the best versions of ourselves that we forget to pay attention to how we feel about the other person. When overly concerned about how the other person thinks about us, we often overlook, or “give grace” to faults or flaws that are likely deal breakers. 

For example, suppose you’ve gone on three or four dates, and the other person has still not shown an active interest in your life by asking genuine questions. This is likely a personal flaw rooted in self-centeredness or an inability to connect with others. And yet, we might find ourselves making excuses for the other person for months instead of facing the unpleasant, less convenient truth that this person isn’t for us. 

As Christians, it’s easy to mistake the need for grace for lowering our standards. Choosing not to move forward in a relationship because the other person exhibits unattractive behaviors or personality traits is honoring and protecting your heart, not being merciless or hard-hearted.

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It’s understandably exciting when you finally find a fellow Christian who checks all the “boxes” on your list, including being gainfully employed and loving Jesus. Unfortunately, a shared Christian faith is not synonymous with soulmate-hood. As we’ve all experienced, Christianity encompasses all sorts of personalities. Just because someone is saved, doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of possessing qualities you want no part of. 

Being a Christian doesn't cure narcissism. Or small-mindedness. Or selfishness. Or any other attributes and characteristics a person can have while working out their salvation in Christ. His blood covers all our sins and flaws, but we still have a choice of whom to hitch ourselves to. 

Compatibility components are vital regardless of our religious affiliation. Many factors go into making a relationship work, including fundamental personality differences that can be deal breakers, even when pairing the best of Jesus lovers together.

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It always amazes me how many areas of life we exert so much research and planning towards, like choosing a career or buying a house. Yet we often attempt to find a life partner with little or no game plan of what we’re looking for or ultimately want. 

Suppose we jump into the dating pool without first determining what our must-haves and our deal breakers are. In that case, we’ll not only waste our time and the time of others but also increase the risk of heartache after falling for someone who ultimately lacks the qualities needed to sustain a long-term relationship.

Before you begin your dating journey, consider praying about what you want in a partner. Make sure to go beyond the surface-level, typical boxes like possessing the qualities of a good father or mother, being a Christian, or having a good job. Consider the traits you’ve found lacking and wish existed in past relationships. What moves your heart? What kind of person makes you feel uplifted, inspired, and closer to God? That’s the stuff a good list is made of.

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This one is often an underestimated tool for discerning whether we have peace in a situation. God gives us many different ways to determine whether the person we’re dating is right for us. 

We, of course, hear Him through His Word, through prayer, and the counsel of other Christian friends. But another lesser-talked way I believe God speaks to us is through our body. Often, our nervous system will clearly indicate whether we feel peace in a relationship. Pay attention to how you feel physically and mentally after spending time with the person you're dating. 

Do you feel anxious or exhausted? Do you feel a sense of unexplained sadness or restlessness? It’s easy to ignore these types of feelings and even easier to deny them when we want a relationship to work. Still, learning how to pay more attention to what our bodies are telling us can save us lots of time and heartache by helping us end a dating relationship before we get in too deep.

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As a card-carrying romantic with idealist tendencies, I fully understand the desire to find the love of my life and never date again. However, anyone with any length of dating experience knows it often takes many, many dates and often many “failed” relationships before finding our forever match. 

Frankly, the whole journey can be crushingly disappointing and frustrating, but I’ve learned to adapt my perspective on dating, that’s made me more patient and less anxious. Instead of hoping and praying every new potential date will be “the one,” I’ve learned to only pray for God’s will. Because ultimately, if the person we’re dating is not the one God has for us, we should be grateful when it doesn’t move forward. 

Ending a relationship is never easy, but it always brings us one step closer to meeting the right person. This kind of thinking helps neutralize our disappointment while increasing our ability to guard our hearts through the dating process. It’s natural to feel increasingly attached as we date. Still, it’s so important to be prayerful through this season, asking for God’s discernment and wisdom, and the ability to let go when realizing this path isn’t His will.

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