5 Reasons You Need to Be United as Parents

Consistency is key for kids. They thrive when they know what to expect. No one will be 100% consistent all the time, but providing a reliable environment goes a long way.

If parents keep a united front, your kids will know they can’t go to the other parent to override a decision. One of my first questions to my kids is, “What did your father say?” Kids usually don’t offer that information unless you ask. They don’t start their question with, “Dad said no, but can I sleep over my friend’s house?”

Even if you override your husband or vice versa once or twice, your kids will spot your weaknesses and try more often to get the answer they are looking for.

Back your spouse up, even if you disagree. You don’t have to think like your spouse, or even come to the same decision, but you should have each other’s backs. If I don’t have a strong opinion, I may default to my husband. If the decision involves our family schedule or an event I will be in charge of executing, my husband may defer to me.

My husband and I decided early on in our marriage to be united. We must stay a strong, impenetrable fortress for our kids. I don’t believe kids want to create a chasm between parents, but sometimes that’s exactly what they do. Even the sweetest of kids can be sneaky and devious; it’s just the nature of children.

Communicate early on how you will remain united as a couple with your kids and family decisions, and do your best to remain steadfast in those values.

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A strong marriage leads to a strong household and secure children. Speak with anyone who has been impacted by divorced parents and ask them about their experience. For the most part, it created a lot of challenges in their lives.

Kids aren’t trying to cause tension between their parents’ marriage; they are just trying to achieve whatever temporary outcome they desire. Kids, especially teens, are very self-focused. Who are we kidding? We are all self-focused. Kids learn quickly which parent is more likely to say yes to certain topics. They are sharp little fellas.

Our personal experiences and how we were raised influence our decisions. Our decisions won’t always be the same as those of our spouses, and that’s okay, but being unified in decisions keeps mom and dad’s relationship solid.

If you allow a kid’s emotion to sway your decision, or you have a habit of overriding your spouse because your kid’s persistence wears you down, it will most likely create an argument and a rift between you and your spouse. Under your relationship with God, your spouse’s relationship is the most important in your life. You want a trusting, resilient relationship with your spouse.

Your marriage will be under attack at some point in your life. It’s part of the human / Christian struggle. Don’t let those attacks come from within your house. When your marriage is thriving, it creates a feeling of comfort and security for you and your kids. Do your best to keep your marriage flourishing.

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Our kids absorb and watch our example. Our marriage is what they will know and be familiar with as they head into adulthood and start their own families. The more we can model a stable, healthy, biblical marriage, our kids will be better off.

Suppose their example is mom or dad going behind each other’s backs, which doesn’t set them up for a successful future relationship. My parents were fairly united in their decisions; however, I remember when my mom made unilateral decisions, knowing my dad would have decided something different. They left an impression.

When you and your spouse make decisions together, they will probably be unpopular and cause backlash. A resilient marriage knows to expect this type of reaction. Sometimes, making the right decision makes a kid angry because they aren’t getting what they want. Regardless, hold the course; the rift will pass.

Parents are put in charge of children for a reason. We are the adults. We have more life experience, and our brains are developed, which is why God put us in charge. Make the best decision you can, even if it’s unpopular.

Communication is key to being united as parents. Establish rhythms or times for you and your spouse to discuss the upcoming decisions that need to be made.

If your child is pressuring you to decide and you haven’t had time to discuss with your spouse, tell them the default answer is no. This will stress how important it is for mom and dad to both be involved.

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Our modern world promotes a different family structure than a biblical household. Christ is the head of the church, and a husband is the head of his house. This doesn’t mean the wife has no decision-making power; it does mean that she defers to her husband on certain decisions.

A strong marriage includes both parties respecting and loving each other. They know each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

A biblical father leading their family is a beautiful thing. If he genuinely is a biblical man, he knows he will be responsible and accountable to God for all his family members when that day comes. He is also responsible for the spiritual leadership of his house. A biblical dad takes his duty to provide and protect his family seriously.

The world has different ideas on how the family should function, but a family needs leadership, and God set up the structure. It’s wonderful to have a strong male presence in the family. The kids might disagree with their dad every moment, but they know he has their best interests at heart. In the long term, it provides confidence and stability in the home. It’s a blessing.

I don’t know about you, but I have plenty of responsibilities in my life and things I oversee. I am happy to defer some decision-making to my husband. Men are less emotional and tend to make more logical decisions. Their feelings and emotions interfere with their decisions less often, which is huge when dealing with children and teens.

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Staying united sounds like an easy thing, but it can be challenging when it comes to daily life. Here are a few tips on how to ensure you and your spouse stay on the same page.

Pray for discernment and big decisions. The Lord can provide wisdom and the ability to make sound decisions. Seek guidance through the Bible and prayer. He is the only one who knows the future, so why not seek his direction?

“For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding.” Proverbs 2:6

I mentioned communication, but staying on the same page is critical. Build opportunities for you and your spouse to discuss family decisions. If you determine your family values early in parenthood, you have this framework to help you decide later. As things pop up, bounce them off your values and see if that gives you an answer.

Make the hard decisions when you have time to think clearly, and then stick to your decision unless you have good reason to change it. The default answer is no if you are being rushed into a decision.

Remember, being a parent often makes you unpopular. Accept this and become okay with this concept—it will allow you to make wiser decisions.

Marriage is a blessing from the Lord. Navigating this life with someone else can be such a joy. While it won’t always be easy, at least you have each other and the Lord to help you navigate parenting.

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