10 Signs a Friendship Is Toxic

Hidden or secret envy is feelings of resentment because of someone's success that aren't openly expressed. Low self-esteem, unfulfilled desires, or unaddressed insecurities often cause hidden envy. Hidden envy is often displayed by indirect criticism, passive-aggressive behaviors, or insincere or avoidance of encouragement. Envy in any relationship can be harmful to the parties involved and, if noticed, should be addressed immediately.

Overstepping their place in your life, over-sharing personal information of yours and theirs, and intentionally ignoring requests to avoid certain behaviors are signs that your friend lacks boundaries in your friendship. People who violate boundaries that have been set typically desire control over someone or certain situations due to low self-esteem. Not only this, but believe it or not, some people may not understand the boundaries you've set. In any relationship, boundaries are necessary for all involved; it's important for those boundaries to be made perfectly clear. Without boundaries, people can't protect themselves or establish healthy relationships.

External negative talk is excessive comments or criticism others express about you, your choices, or your actions. External negative talk can surface at any moment when you're in a toxic friendship. This can stem from hidden envy, a lack of self-esteem, or the crabs in a barrel mentality. Whether it's bringing up a bad experience from the past, bringing up former habits, or being cynical about anything going on in your life, external negative talk is certainly a toxic trait in any relationship.

Accountability is a life skill everyone should possess. Why? Because everyone should be responsible for their choices. Many people fail to hold their friends accountable to avoid conflict or to maintain the relationship. However, this can harm them and the relationship as a whole. If someone is considered a friend, then it is important that you hold them accountable, especially if they are causing harm to themselves.

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Lack of reciprocity, one-sided emotional support, and one-sided emotional dumping are a few signs that you have an unbalanced friendship. Many friendships experience an imbalance because of communication and connection issues. Others experience a lack of mutual effort in offering support, planning activities, or unhealthy co-dependency. One person may prioritize themselves and their needs more than the other and ultimately it spills over into the friendship.

Failing to respect someone's life choices is another sign of a toxic friendship. If your "friend" constantly questions what you do, devalues things or people that you value, attacks your identity, or devalues your ideas or opinions, it is a sign that your friend does not respect your lifestyle. This often stems from an unconscious sense of control and judgment. Many people misjudge others' lives because they compare them to their way of life and believe their way is best for everyone. Everyone has the right to live how they desire without judgment and with the utmost respect.

Whether it stems from romantic relationships, family, work, or internal drama, some people cannot live without it. People who bring drama to someone's life often seek attention to resolve a deeply rooted issue within themselves. Unfortunately, their actions can spill over into your friendship. Persistent drama is a sign of toxicity, whether they're bringing up external drama or stirring up drama within the friendship.

Judgmental behaviors in friendships can create a disconnect between people. Many people in our lives are consciously and subconsciously judgmental of others because they are insecure, secretly jealous, or believe the life they've created is the standard to which others should live. Not only is this wrong, but it goes against God's Word. God is the only judge because He is perfect. If you have a friend who constantly sets standards you can't meet, criticizes you for it, or belittles you and tries to pass it off as encouragement, they are wrongfully judging you, and it may be time to cut ties with them.

Everyone has priorities. Some may differ from others, while others are a perfect match. In friendships, when priorities differ, it can often hinder the growth and stability of the relationship. It can bring about unproductive disagreements which can misalign expectations, create unspoken tension and it can be difficult to find common ground.

Emotional exhaustion in any relationship is toxic. Emotionally draining people often use their friends as a constant therapist, don't heed to sound advice, or often play the victim in the friendship and expect you to consistently support them. If you feel drained or depleted of your energy after engaging with someone, chances are they've drained you emotionally. Many people may not realize that their presence or actions can cause someone to burn out simply from being in the same space as them, and this is not okay.

Toxic relationships are healthy in many ways, and knowing when and how to remove yourself from them is important. If you think you're in a toxic friendship or relationship of any kind, here's what you can do to remove yourself.

Gradually decrease contact. If you desire to remove yourself from your toxic friendship, begin taking small steps to decrease contact with them. Set a schedule of when you want to reach out to them, and a boundary line for when they can reach out to you. You can do this by limiting phone calls or having shorter conversations. Contact them through text messages during a certain time of the day, but most of all, limit the time you spend with them beyond the phone. Cut off social gatherings with them to protect your peace.

Address the toxic behavior. Take some time to inform your friend about the toxic behaviors they exhibit and let them know how it makes you feel. If you decide to take this approach, be prayerful and careful with the way you address them because you don't want to come off as the toxic one. Not only this, but you want to address them respectfully to resolve the toxicity and possibly work towards a stronger friendship.

Respectfully end the friendship. If you believe you have exhausted all options to maintain the friendship and address toxic behaviors but don't see any progress toward change, then it's time to end the friendship. You can reach out to them in any way you deem safe and let them know that you are ending the relationship. You can explain why you're severing ties with them, or you can be respectfully direct. While this may be difficult, it's necessary for your peace of mind. Once the friendship has ended, take some time to grieve it, reflect on your decision, and move forward as you see fit.

Friendships are valuable to our lives. They help us grow in the direction we should to become the person God has designed us to be. However, if a friendship is toxic, you need to recognize it and remove yourself as you see fit. Additionally, you want to be sure that you aren't a friend who is toxic in the relationship as well. As you move forward, take time to reflect and understand the type of friendships you need, and begin seeking them out. Foster different friendships that are healthy for you and others so that your friendships can be a positive example for others.

Read More:

8 Qualities of a Good Friend

10 Friendships of the Bible to Learn From