7 Signs of Postpartum Depression Husbands Need to Be Aware Of
I felt trapped, like I couldn't breathe. The overwhelming feeling of thinking everything depended on me became all-consuming. It was all I could do to get up and feed my children breakfast. I had been through the baby blues before, but this was a dark pit I had never visited, and I didn't know how I got there or how to get out. It got worse before it got better. Not knowing the signs of Postpartum Depression often causes women to suffer longer than necessary simply because the time between onset and getting help is extended. Husbands can play a major role in helping their wives in this season of having a little one. Before we go any further, PPD can last long beyond the tiny newborn stage. As a woman's body goes through enormous hormonal shifts from pregnancy to delivery to feeding and then weaning her child, the body is put through a lot. This affects every part of a woman's being.
The sooner the woman gets help, the better the outcome for the entire family. This list is not all-inclusive, but it is a little look into some of the potential signs that might show up if a new mom is suffering from PPD. The important thing to note is if you or someone you love is showing signs, get them the help they need. Help them make a doctor's appointment and discuss what is going on. It is better to be over-cautious early on than wait and think it will just go away on its own.
I sat on the vinyl bed covered with a piece of crunching white paper waiting for the doctor to come in. She walked in and barely got the first greeting and question out of her mouth. Her question hit the deepest part of me. "What are we dealing with today?" EVERYTHING! The emotional breakdown came without any prying or digging. I knew something was really wrong. It took a complete breakdown before I made it to the doctor. Now, I sat desperate for relief. I got the help I needed and within just a few weeks I was on my way to healing. There is no bandaid Bible verse or three steps to snap out of it. Professional help is often necessary and nothing to be ashamed of.
I write this in hopes that if your wife, sister, friend or maybe even you are facing something similar, you will seek help sooner than later. With each warning sign, I will share a Scripture verse as an encouragement, not a fix-all. God's Word is always a great source of comfort.
1. Feelings of Failure or Inadequacy
1. Feelings of Failure or Inadequacy
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10
Motherhood is filled with expectancy and overwhelm. There always seems to be a right and wrong way to do it. This can lead new moms to put pressure on themselves to get it right. When the house is still messy, the baby is still crying, and the thought of putting dinner on the table makes a woman want to scream, she can become filled with thoughts of failure. The difficult part is the baby still needs to be fed; the family does, too. The house won't clean itself. These are all real thoughts and feelings. It is no wonder so many new moms struggle. One thing you can do for her is acknowledge her needs and find a way to meet them in this difficult time.
2. Unexplained Irritability
2. Unexplained Irritability
"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1
Take notice if it has been a while since you've seen your wife laugh or smile. A woman's hormones are real, and after the birth of a baby, they are trying to realign after almost a year-long preparation for birth. If there are constant complaints, dirty looks, frustrations, and irritability that seem like the baseline attitude, don't clap back or condemn. Notice what she is feeling, be ready to give a soft answer, and seek help for her when necessary.
3. Quieter than Usual
3. Quieter than Usual
"For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
Have you noticed your wife shutting down and going to lay down for extra rest every day? At times when she would typically want to be with the family or spend time with you, she just can't? She shuts down and doesn't want to discuss anything or withholds her opinion about things she usually would be vocal about. She hasn't called her mom or best friend like normal, and you've noticed she seems to be avoiding social situations that she used to enjoy. Do not dismiss it. Lean in and be aware. Notice when she gets quiet and stays quiet. Check on her. Don't pull away. Pull her close. She needs you.
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4. Unusual Outbursts
4. Unusual Outbursts
"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him." Psalm 37:7a
Is your wife typically calm, cool, and collected, but recently, she has been having extreme outbursts that seem to come from out of nowhere? They are not coming from no man's land. They are coming from a woman who is trying to deal with the changes in her brain and body. There are real chemicals that are overcharged and some that are lacking. She needs you to see her beyond her outbursts and to notice she is not okay. The last thing she needs is for you to have an outburst right back at her. Do not take her expressive response personally. It is not about you. It is about her. She has a need that she does not even realize and cannot put into words yet.
5. Persistent Tears or Sadness
5. Persistent Tears or Sadness
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4
Crying is a normal response to things we have a deep love for. It is no surprise when a mother or father tears up at the sight of their precious newborn baby. But long after the new born stage has passed, there can still be tears or even sadness for some moms. Does your wife seem extra emotional all the time? Does she cry over the smallest thing? Does it feel like you can't say anything without her running to the back room to sob uncontrollably? She might need your help. Rather than letting her escape, let her know you want to help. Get her the help she needs. If she is crying like someone has died, yet you are in a season of new life, she needs more than the comfort you can offer her. Make the doctor appointment and get her the support she is desperate for.
6. Lack of Care for Things She Used to Care About
6. Lack of Care for Things She Used to Care About
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Philippians 4:6
Does your wife seem to have lost interest in life? Maybe she used to really care about her appearance, the house, girl's night out, date night, or family time. But now, it seems like she's given up on everything, maybe even you. Again, this is not personal toward you. She is most likely deeply struggling and even feels a layer of guilt for how she feels. Mom's guilt is real and is amplified during this season. She simply cannot get out of it without support. She needs you to advocate for her and see her feelings. Gently approach the subject of PPD as a possibility and help her take the step to get to the doctor.
7. Overreactive to Things She Never Cared about Before
7. Overreactive to Things She Never Cared about Before
"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7
Is your wife the type that usually goes with the flow? But right now, it seems like she cannot let anything go? She cares so much about every single thing. It is the moments when you can't load the dishwasher the right way, put the baby's diaper on tight enough, or even breathe without her throwing a quick dirty look your way. Or worse. She probably doesn't even realize she is so tense. Her jaw is locked tight, her shoulders are filled with tension, and her forehead is forging new lines she's never had before. This is all part of the imbalance in her body that she cannot control. Help her. Don't shame her.
Postpartum depression is real, and it affects so many women. It is not a spiritual issue; it is physical and biological. It affects the brain and the body. Your wife might need your help to get to the doctor and just have a conversation about how she is feeling. She might be unable to say the words and feel deep shame for how she feels. Words like inadequate, overwhelmed, and I can't do this are most likely swirling in her mind moment by moment and maybe even coming out of her mouth. She wants to be a great mom, but right now her body tells her she can't. Be her biggest support by gently and calmly looking for the symptoms and offering help. If she does not seem okay, she probably isn't. But she can be.
Originally published June 30, 2025.
