8 Things That Make You a Magnet for Narcissists

Having weak personal boundaries and not standing up for yourself is one way narcissists can take control. Narcissists feel like it's their right to control other people, and they will push your boundaries as far as they can until you break. Not setting boundaries with them is a sure-fire open invitation to them. They can treat you any way they want. But you don't have to put up with this. Here are some ways to set boundaries with the narcissist in your life.

You don't have to justify, explain, or defend yourself. Narcissists use intimidation to give themselves the feeling of being in control. The less you share with a narcissist, the better. Then they have nothing to use against you.

Leave the situation or conversation when it feels unhealthy. You don't have to make excuses for why you have to leave; just do it. Every moment you stay with a narcissist is one more moment you are late prioritizing your own self-care.

Figure out what you will and won't tolerate and stick to it. When someone does something you won't tolerate, call them out on it and give a warning. If they continue, then leave the conversation or situation.

Sidestep intrusive questions and negative comments with grace. Shift to another topic or ask them a question about themselves—anything to take the attention off of you. Hearing them drone on and on about whatever will be boring, but it will be way less stressful than having the conversation be about you.

Grab the bully in your life by the horns. Since narcissists need attention and approval to counteract their feelings of emptiness and unworthiness, they will test you with what they can get away with. When they do this, call them out. It doesn't matter how they respond; you should just be glad you had the confidence to name what happened and leave it.

Don't underestimate the power of a narcissist. These people have spent their lives learning how to demean and take advantage of people. Narcissism is a strong phenomenon rooted in a distorted view of self, others, and the world. Those who have been around or in relationships with narcissists can easily get conditioned to unhealthy behavior. Therefore, you must set boundaries.

Having empathy for people is a wonderful thing, but it also can make people a prime target for narcissists. Here's why.

-Seeing the best in people. You see, the best in people, which can cause you to miss important red flags early on.

-You're intuitive. Empathetic people are highly sensitive and tuned in to others. It's easy for you to know when someone is struggling even before they tell you. This will backfire with a narcissist because feeling their pain will reel you in and want to help, therefore hooking you by your wanting to heal the pain.

-Giving people the benefit of the doubt. You know everyone has bad days and easily gives those exhibiting inappropriate behavior a second chance. It's hard for you to accept that some people are manipulative and have selfish motives, therefore easily explaining away, rationalizing, and minimizing unacceptable behavior. This makes you the perfect supply for a narcissist.

-You love "projects." You naturally gravitate toward people you believe need your help or require your "fixing." Narcissists know this and skillfully weave their tale of woe to suck you in to hook you and therefore manipulate you.

A damaged self-esteem, regardless of its origin (childhood, past relationship, or other event), can attract you to a narcissist. Someone who continues to demean you, put down your opinions and do other things to reinforce to you that you're not good enough.

Low self-esteem can also cause you to get comfortable in a place where you're happy just to have someone who, at least on the outside, has more confidence than you and can include you in unique experiences that you would not do yourself.

Being a people pleaser is not always healthy, and it can be a red flag for a narcissist. People pleasing shows a need for validation and a need to control. Because narcissists have a fragile ego and a need for constant attention, they find this to be especially attractive because they know this is someone they can manipulate and control for their own benefit.

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Not having supportive relationships can make you more attractive to a narcissist. When someone has a lack of supportive relationships, it causes them to be more vulnerable to narcissistic abuse because it creates a sense of insecurity and emotional detachment. Those who experience a lack of support may have trust issues, communication difficulties, and difficulty setting healthy boundaries. They are also prone to need excessive validation, therefore causing them to depend on others. These factors attract narcissists and cause people to be more vulnerable to their manipulation and abuse.

When people idealize others, it can attract narcissists needing validation because of their eggshell fragile egos. Because they need constant attention and emotional support, this causes them to 'love bomb' their targets, causing a strong emotional bond. This causes them to feel elevated and validated and is a carefully planned strategy to control their targets. This need for validation takes on many forms, including dominating conversations and exaggerating their achievements, which entice people to idealize them even more.

There are distinct communication patterns used by both the narcissist and the target to draw each other in.

Covert Narcissism. This is when a narcissist exhibits patterns in order to make themselves appear more vulnerable, leading to the need for validation and admiration.

There are linguistic and behavioral things that people do that show vulnerability which can inadvertently draw in narcissistic attention.

Unresolved personal issues can make you a prime candidate for a narcissistic relationship. Some wounds that attract narcissists include the following.

Emotional wounds. These wounds come from emotional, mental, verbal, and narcissistic abuse, which erodes your self-worth and causes you to be more vulnerable.

Childhood Experiences. Childhood experiences that involve abuse, neglect, or poor parenting (meaning inadequate) can lead to a narcissistic wound that overwhelms your defense mechanisms.

Shame or disgrace. Certain life events that cause shame or disgrace cause people to seek individuals who will exploit their vulnerabilities. This kind of wound creates an emotional landscape that makes people susceptible to manipulation and exploitation by narcissists.

Warning Signs: How to Identify a Narcissist

There are many ways to identify a narcissist, here are a few.

Grandiosity. (They must always be the best, right, and most competent, do things their way, own everything, and control everyone.) A good example of this is one day my parents were talking about what route they took to come home from Walmart. My mom told my dad which route she took, and he told her what route he chose, ending with, "There's your way, there's my way, and there's the right way. Which is my way."

Attention seeking.

Perfectionism.

Controlling behavior.

Lack of accountability. No boundaries.

Insecurity.

Lack of empathy.

Deflection.

Blaming. (This is big with him. If things don't go his way, he will throw an all-out tantrum and blame everyone around him for what went wrong, often saying, "If you didn't do X, then I wouldn't do X.)

Trust Issues.

Anxiety.

Deep-seated shame.

Just because you have attracted or are in a relationship with a narcissist doesn't mean you stay that way. There are many ways to empower yourself against their control and manipulation.

Set Clear Boundaries. You need to establish what your boundaries are and enforce them consistently. Narcissists will push to see how far they can go. When you enforce your boundaries regularly, it teaches them that certain behaviors they engage in won't get a response from you. So they will either adjust their approach or find a new target.

Try the 'Gray Rock' method. Become uninteresting and boring. If they ask you a question, keep your responses brief, factual, and emotionally neutral. Don't share personal information or potent emotions. This will starve the narcissist of the attention they seek, and they will look for alternative sources of supply elsewhere.

Work on emotional detachment. There is nothing a narcissist loves more than to get you riled up emotionally. Do your best to maintain your distance, recognize manipulation, and don't share personal information. Also, practice techniques to help you handle the emotional stress and stay calm and focused on what your needs are.

Mirror their tactics. Mirroring their behavior and staying calm will show them they have less control over you.

When You Expose Their Lies, Be Thoughtful. To do this, document your interactions and ask open-ended questions. This way, you can challenge their dishonesty without confronting them. This will help you reinforce your stance and reclaim the narrative of the conversation.

Make sure you focus on self-care and support. Make sure you take part in activities you love and seek support from friends, family, and even professional counseling if you feel you need it. This will help you learn how to foster resilience and manage and recover from emotional exhaustion.

Using these techniques, you can reclaim the conversation, feel empowered, and maintain your inner peace.

If you recognize any of these things in yourself, I encourage you to work on changing to counteract attracting a narcissist. If you are living with a narcissist, I highly encourage you to get help, make a plan, and get out. Your physical, mental, and emotional health is not worth it. You deserve to live in peace, not chaos and upheaval. To live peaceful and free, in all God called you to be.

Read More:

10 Warning Signs of a Spiritual Narcissist

5 Signs the Person You Love Is a Narcissist

7 Ways to Set Boundaries with Grace