It was almost 10 years ago now, but I'll never forget the helpless feeling as I walked through my third pregnancy, which unexpectedly ended in a miscarriage. In the weeks after this loss, I was flooded with waves of grief, confusion, and more.
Mom guilt clouded my vision, questioning if the loss was somehow my fault. Did I exercise too hard? Get pregnant too quickly after my second child? Eat the wrong thing? But in the end, I'll never know, and ultimately, God alone gives life and takes it away. I had to let go of any illusion that I had control over the circumstances that we had to walk through.
Nonetheless, seeing that tiny heartbeat fade on the ultrasound as my body expelled this fragile, growing human being struck me hard, and if you've been there too, you likely know the quiet grief that descends on you when a pregnancy ends too soon.
1. Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
1. Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
Miscarriage and pregnancy loss are traumatic events. There is real, valid grief that comes along with losing an anticipated child. It's entirely healthy to acknowledge this loss and give yourself the space you need to grieve. Let go of any pressure you feel to "bounce back" to keep it all to yourself or to hide your pain.
Permit yourself to grieve your miscarriage your way with a timetable that feels right for you. Grief often comes in waves; you may feel fine one day and then terrible the next. When we lost our pregnancy, I felt moments of calm, and then, like a crashing wave, the tears would come. It took a few weeks to process the loss and its impact on my mind and body.
This grief can trigger fatigue, trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, crying, loss of appetite, or suicidal thoughts. You may need support working through these challenging emotions. If you find yourself struggling, contact your healthcare provider. You may need extra support to navigate this grief.
The reality is that most women who miscarry do so very early on in their pregnancy. Often, there may be no outward physical sign of a baby for the outside world to witness, but chances are that Momma felt and knew that the baby was growing for weeks, if not longer. Right away, the standard pregnancy symptoms commonly rush in, such as fatigue, nausea, cravings, and weight gain. For the parents, the experience is a real-life change and a loss that breaks our hearts.
2. Enlist the Help of Your Support System
2. Enlist the Help of Your Support System
Losing a pregnancy is a physically draining ordeal. Your mind and your body need time to recover. In the week or two after your loss, enlist the help of your support system. If you have additional children, maybe having extra hands to care for them so you have less on your plate as you walk through this situation can make a big difference.
Get some meals covered by your community so you can focus on recovery as a family. Share what's going on with those closest to you so they can love you as you walk through this sad season.
Your people want to be able to bring you flowers, cook you a meal, or help you with the kids. You are not burdening them; you are giving them the chance to be with you through the complex parts of this life. Don't let the fear of being a burden isolate you in your moment of need. Community is there, so we aren't alone in the hard stuff.
During my miscarriage, a sweet friend just brought a flower, a card, and a reminder that we can find joy even when processing loss. This simple gesture of love meant so much to me as I navigated my quiet suffering. Having people in hard times with us can encourage us to get through this trial.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/ChayTee
3. Discuss the Loss with Your Partner
3. Discuss the Loss with Your Partner
When experiencing a tough loss, such as a miscarriage, it's helpful to make sure you are coming back together as a couple to share how you are each feeling. Discussing your hopes and expectations for your future family may be helpful if you've walked through several losses. You are a team, so navigating this trauma as a couple is beneficial.
Here are some questions to help you guys discuss your situation as a couple:
One thing to consider is how long you would feel comfortable waiting until "trying again."
Do you feel your family is complete, or would you like to continue trying for a full-term baby?
How are you doing physically after losing the pregnancy?
What questions do you have for medical professionals about your situation?
Emotionally, how are you each faring? Are you frustrated? Sad? Angry? Confused?
How should you share the news with those you love, including any other children you have in the home?
What support might you need as a couple to walk through this loss?
How can you support each other in this season?
4. Pray with Your Partner
4. Pray with Your Partner
God is the giver and taker of life. We will never fully understand his ways and why some lives are cut short. Yet, he is still a good God and deserves our praise.
Prayer is a way to offer our thoughts and feelings to the Lord. We can lament our loss. We can ask God the hard questions, confident that he will not leave or forsake us. He is our safe place through life's storms.
Psalm 147:3 states, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
God is our great healer. He mends our broken hearts, and his helping spirit gives us the strength to walk through the valley. Lean into him as you process your grief and the uncertainty that the future brings.
John 14:26 states, "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and remind you of all that I said to you."
We may not understand the losses we bear, and we often must lament the brokenness we see in the world, but the good news is we don't have to handle these mysteries on our own. Lean into God's helping spirit as a couple. Ask him for guidance, reassurance, strength, peace, and understanding. He is a great teacher, and he uses our life stories to show us more about who God is, even the tough things.
After our pregnancy loss, I realized first that the kids we did have were such miracles! Life is so very fragile, and as a Mom, I have no power to sustain the lives of my kids. Only God places breath in their lungs and thoughts in their minds and grows them into the people he created them to be. Our loss brought a sense of humility in that I have so much less control over things than I'd like to imagine, and with this realization comes an invitation. We are invited to trust God even in the loss. To see that he is the only one who gives life and knows what a day will bring. Trusting God and going to him in prayer is not always easy, but it's the safest place we can be in a very unsafe world.
Read More:
How to Heal after a Miscarriage
5 Biblical Promises to Remember After a Miscarriage
Originally published June 13, 2025.
