Jennifer Maggio

I started this article on offense a few months ago, and it has sat in my computer ever since. I was so proud of myself that I had accomplished such vast spiritual maturity that I could write on this topic in the past tense versus the present. I would likely have a hard time even remembering when someone may have offended me in the past (pause while I pat myself on the back).  Much to my dismay, it took about thirty seconds to begin writing incident after incident where someone had offended me and even less time for my blood to boil about how dare they do or say such things to me! 

The reality of it that many of us deal with offense on a regular we simply just do not go around saying that we are offend.  As Christians, wrap it in Christianese and pretend that we are far too mature for such things. We put on our pretty Christian mask and pretend we have forgiven offender and the offense when we have not. We become super spiritual and say we are extending grace when we do not. To be honest we secretly walk away from far too many conversations hurt and offended by what the other person just said. The secret offense, bitterness, and anger that we carry is often at the forefront of conversations. We are offended because we have been hurt, broken, scarred, or disappointed. We are bitter because the individual did not care that they hurt us, our feelings were of no importance. 

We must understand and realize exactly what is going on, our hurt, offense, bitterness, and unforgiveness does absolutely nothing to their lives. It does not hurt your ex-spouse to be angry and offended with them. It does not hurt your pastor, parent, co-worker, or the cashier at the grocery store. In fact, they probably have forgotten whatever act they committed, said or even why they offend you.  

Our offense is Satan's lure he uses it to keep us bound spiritually. We are so focused on the business of the offense rather than our Father's business. When we are offended and do not immediately release it to the Lord, we carry it closes to us, nurse it, and give it a room in our hearts so we can revisit at our leisure.  

What did Christ die for? He died for our salvation and the joyful opportunity of spending eternity with Him.  Wait! He did not stop there, He died for our freedom. He said on the cross, "It is finished." What was finished? Everything! The battle is won, we are not striving to earn the victory or pretending to be good enough to receive God’s marvelous grace. It is already ours when we accept His Son, Jesus Christ.  He paid for freedom from our past, forgiveness from our sins, and in return He given us the abundant life. Jesus did not come for us to just suffer through each day with no hope, bound in bitterness and offended by our Christian brothers and sisters. He came that we may have life and have it more abundantly.  

Satan is a master manipulator and will try to convince us that the cashier at the grocery store meant to hurt our feelings, our co-worker crafted a plot to get next to anger us, and that our mother-in-law has had it out for us from the beginning. He will camp out in our minds, reminding us over and over how horrible the offense was, and how we should never, ever consider possibly let it go. I find it amazing that we sometimes cannot remember where we parked our car after a fifteen minute grocery shopping trip, but we can remember from fifteen years ago the exact conversation where someone offended us! Deception and manipulation at its best! 

Why does your offense matter anyway? It matters because our ability to forgive demonstrates to others the type of hope that only Christ offers. Your offense, bitterness, and unforgiveness only holds you hostage. It has a distinctive order. It is what you wake up smelling like in the morning, and the aroma you give to others as they pass you by. It does not depict the true picture of who Christ is in our lives, and that is a life and death situation.  

 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Ephesians 4:31 

You may be thinking, “You have no idea what I've been through!” You would be absolutely correct I do not, but God does. His grace is sufficient for our failures and for those times when others fail us. Christ's payment on the cross was enough to mend our hearts, the anger and offense that may be looming there. There is great freedom when we simply lay it down.

Jennifer Maggio is a mom to three, wife to Jeff, and founder of the national nonprofit, The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. She is author to four books, including The Church and the Single Mom. She was named one of the Top 10 Most Influential People in America by Dr. John Maxwell in 2017 and 2015 and has appeared in hundreds of media venues, including The New York Times, Family Talk Radio with Dr. James Dobson, Joni and Friends, and many others. 

1. Read a good book. This is a simple task, yet, book reading is a dying art that we don’t the time to do. Avoid the television and over-saturation of social media. Instead, use your downtime to dive into a good book. It’s calming, relaxing, and a way to improve things about your life. We strongly suggest staying in the Bible on a daily basis. There is strength there! 

2. Turn your cell phone off for one hour each day, completely off. Unplug from everything. Dig deep in the Word. We must be able to embrace the quiet and still and calm. Our phones often times distract us from being present in the moment.

3. Start a blog, vlog, or personal journal. Sharing your personal journey, if only with yourself, is quite therapeutic. It also allows you the great gift of going back to read a year from now what God has done in your life.  

4. Seek professional Christian counseling. All of us need a professional from time to time. This can be done through a licensed Christian counselor or through a life coach.  Sometimes the best advice we receive are from poeple we've never even met! 

5. Have a one-hour meeting with a friend each week, just for coffee and chatting. You don’t have to focus on your problems or solutions or the past. Simply sit and enjoy some quality time. Focus on how they are doing, what their hopes and dreams are, etc. It gives you a brief time to not focus on your own problems. Plus, we are all better together. 

6. Leave your house regularly. Again, this seems like a simple one, but when we are going through a trauma or overcoming an obstacle, we tend to want to retreat and isolate. Do not allow yourself to do so! 

7. Make intentional time with your family. Spending tme with those who love you the most can make you feel the most loved. Being with family gives a safe space for you to talk about anything. 

8.  Talk to God. It is easy for us to stray from talking to God having gone through difficult things.  But, we encourage you to fight the good fight of Faith and really lean on God in this time of healing.

9. Maintain your physical health. We know this is sometimes easier said than done. However, your physical health has a direct impact on your emotional health and vice versa. Take care of yourself – inside and outside! 

10. Pursue hobbies. Keep yourself busy. Simple things keep your mind busy and allow you to find joy in small activities. Painting, swimming, and playing games can all be fun ways to keep you busy.

11. Serve someone else. Who are you serving? Volunteering is a way to see others’ problems. It can be a friend, sibling, or total stranger. Serve someone. Giving to others is a great way to enhance our community and increase our own sense of well-being.  

12. Create a support system. Become involved in small groups near you. There is power in gathering. Be active in your local church. A healthy church can change your life. 

Jennifer Maggio is a mom to three, wife to Jeff, and founder of the national nonprofit, The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. She is author to four books, including The Church and the Single Mom. She was named one of the Top 10 Most Influential People in America by Dr. John Maxwell in 2017 and 2015 and has appeared in hundreds of media venues, including The New York Times, Family Talk Radio with Dr. James Dobson, Joni and Friends, and many others. 

No matter what I write over the next few moments, it won’t be enough to explain the splendor, wonder, and mystery of our God. The things I’m about to share are certainly not an exhaustive list of the majesty of our God. They are but a snippet of who He is. I don’t write to you today as a Bible scholar or theologian or a PhD. I don't write to explain every mystery. I write to you as a sister in Christ who has read God’s Word for more than 30 years. I've walked through countless hardships, being where many of you are. I want you to know that you are seen, you are valued, you are not forgotten, you are more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus, and the Lord wants to minister to you and meet you where you are.  

In my darkest times, these are just a few of the things I've learned about God:

1. He is a sustainer.  He is going to sustain you in your NOW season. Sustain means to support, hold up, or bear the weight of, to keep, and to supply necessities. God’s Word says in Is. 46, verse 4 - “Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you. I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4 NIV.   Many of you are in the waiting season. You are overwhelmed by stress and suffocating from the weight of all you carry. God is a rescuer, a healer, and He is a deliverer. But while you are in the middle of the battle, waiting on the healing, waiting on the rescue, waiting on the deliverance, God is sustaining you in the middle of the pain. You need to be reminded of all that God has sustained you through already, all that He’s provided. Be encouraged this day that His provision will be enough. Stop focusing on “if I could just get there….”, then I’ll be happy, then I’ll worship the Lord, then I’ll live a pure life. Focus on the God who is sustaining you in your current season. Do not wait for things to be perfect to shift your perspective.

2. He is a restorer. While restoration could be instantaneous (because our God can do all things), my experience shows me that if often takes time. It’s a process that takes patience and endurance and faith, as we wait upon the Lord. We learn much through the process of restoration. I have seen the Lord take the most broken of places in my life and restore them (usually not in the way I thought)! I have seen Him due the miraculous and restore all the "locusts" ate in a prior, difficult, season. I am convinced He will do it again for others. 

But I also want to stop and say this. For some of you, restoration in your life will come after repentance. I've learned that in many times in life repentance was critical in this process of seeing the Lord restore. Repentance leads to restoration with the Father. (I'm reminded of how the father ran to the prodigal son, while he was yet a long way off in Luke 15:20). Is there anything in your life that requires repentance? Is there anything causing additional pain? Some of us need recognize that we are no longer satisfied with the filth of our pig pens. Sadly, some of us created our own pig pens! Perhaps there is someone reading today (who, like me) needs to know that the Father is calling you to restoration with Him today.  

3. God is a healer. He is Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals.  I want to talk to you about deep pain, unyielding, unrelenting, suffocating, pain. Only if you have been there will you understand this level of pain. It is the pain that causes you to gasp for air, your heart to race. Please know today that God bottles every tear and He is near to the broken-hearted.  I think of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10 and how he took pity, bandaged the wounded man, and placed him on his donkey and took him for care at the inn. This is our Lord - leaning down and taking pity on his wounded sheep. God hasn’t forgotten you. I’ve walked through much pain and brokenheartedness through the years, sometimes thinking it would kill me.  But I've been healed time and time again.  The same is true for you; God is going to heal you. 

4. God is righteous.  Everything about the Lord is righteous. His anger, His ways, His thoughts are all righteous. We need to tremble in fear of God. We do not have permission to operate in passive, rationalized sin. Our God is a Holy God. Matthew 7:13 & 14 says, “You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to Hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way.  But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it.”  Too many are living on the wide path expecting to get through the narrow gate.  God does not bless the counterfeits, the cultural shifts. We cannot claim Christianity and live like culture. Too many say, I am fine with God, as long as it requires no sacrifice, no obedience, no discipline, and no self-control.  We want the blessings of God without the righteousness of God. We serve the one true Holy God or we serve the god of this world. (Satan). Many of us are making covenants with the enemy and don’t even know it or don’t even care. The ticket for many of you who are struggling is to walk righteously before a righteous God. 

5. God is supernatural.  He can do in a moment what you’ve been praying a lifetime for. He delivers from demons, restores sight and breaks chains. When you’ve walked through the death of a loved one, the pain of the cancer diagnosis, or the heartache of a lost marriage, He gives dancing where tears once flowed. That same Spirit lives on the inside of us. Colossians 1:15-16  says, “Christ is the visible image of the invisible God. He existed before anything was created and is supreme over all creation, for through him God created everything in the heavenly realms and on earth. He made the things we can see and the things we can’t see—such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world. Everything was created through him and for him.” Many of us are comfortable with the natural part of Christianity. We can read His word, give our tithe, sing our three songs, and hear the sermons.  But it is in the supernatural, where we get uncomfortable. When we don’t understand healing, deliverance, spiritual warfare, and spiritual gifts, we get uncomfortable. 

Here is what I know – the power of our living God is unexplainable. Our God will reach down, in His mercy and love and grace, and redeem that which was lost. God is moving today and His power is real today. Our Father is mysterious, compassionate, miracle-working and awe-inspiring. He is El-Shaddai, El-Roy, Jehovah Jireh, Adonai, Yah-Weh, Jehovah Nissi, Jehovah Shalom. He is the everlasting God, and the Lord of hosts. God wants to heal, restore, and redeem today. The Father wants to give you rest for your weary soul.

Jennifer Maggio is a mom to three, wife to Jeff, and founder of the national nonprofit, The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. She is author to four books, including The Church and the Single Mom. She was named one of the Top 10 Most Influential People in America by Dr. John Maxwell in 2017 and 2015 and has appeared in hundreds of media venues, including The New York Times, Family Talk Radio with Dr. James Dobson, Joni and Friends, and many others.