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Jennifer Maggio Christian Blog and Commentary

Jennifer Maggio

 

Jennifer Maggio is considered a leading authority on single parents and womens issues. She is an award-winning author and speaker who draws from her own experiences through abuse, homelessness, and teen pregnancy to inspire audiences everywhere. She is founder of The Life of a Single Mom Ministries and writes for dozens of publications. She has been featured with hundreds of media outlets, including The 700 Club, Daystar Television, Moody Radio, Focus on the Family, and many more. For more information, visit thelifeofasinglemom.com.

 

To date, The Life of a Single Mom Ministries has worked with more than 1500 churches throughout the United States to help them launch, grow, or improve their single moms’ ministry programs. We specialize in single moms’ curriculum, event planning, program development, and are considered a one-stop shop for all things single moms ministry related.  And…we are often asked, “What about single dads’ ministries? Where do all the single dads go to get help?”

With approximately 80% of all domiciliary custody in the United States being held by women, we recognize that the biggest need is in the single mothers’ home. This is what we see as the biggest ministry opportunity.  And we cannot do everything or be everywhere. That said, we do recognize that single dads exist and want to address some things that we think will be effective in ministering to the needs of single dads.

We believe that single dads’ ministries are important and can be launched in a church very similarly to a single mothers’ ministry. They can co-exist quite nicely, the same way that singles ministries, divorce recovery programs, grief ministries, and widows ministries can all co-exist in the same church. In other words, there are many opportunities to meet the needs of many singles in our congregation.  Single Dads may not be as large of a demographic, but launching a program can be a great way to find those single dads in the community who are overwhelmed, exhausted, and alone. A great way to start is with a small single dad’s Bible study launching in someone’s home (with the church’s approval).

Co-ed single parent’s ministries can work, but we suggest gender-exclusive ministries that co-mingle on a regular basis. Single Moms can be devastated by a divorce, failed relationship, or death of a spouse, as can single dads. Co-ed environments can create a level of discomfort among those who have not yet healed from such an event. They can also be a breeding ground for unhealthy relationships, when individuals are not ready to move on.  We suggest separate single moms’ ministries and single dads’ ministries that get together for fun events regularly, such as barbecues, family fun nights, and the like.

(Please note: All churches we work with have the complete autonomy to make the decisions that work best for their church, congregation, and long-term vision. We are a consulting service for single moms’ ministries. We highlight what we see as national trends and industry standards that work best, but there is no right or wrong. As ministry evolves, we also recognize that needs change, too. We recommend praying and seeing how God would lead in this area.)

Some of our favorite single dads’ ministries and programs are as follows:

SINGLE DADS RESOURCES: While a variety of our TLSM Resources can be (and are) used by both single moms and single dads, we also want to refer you to other friends we’ve found serve single dads exclusively.

 

For additional encouragement, check out:

 A Father’s Walk  for additional encouragement.

Single Parent Advocate

Fatherhood.org (Please note this is not an exclusively Christian organization.)

The Life of a Single Mom’s National Resource Pamphlet to help find resources for education, housing, financial assistance, and more encouragement can be found HERE.

CHURCH OPPORTUNITIES FOR MINISTRY TO SINGLE DADS: There are ways that the church can get involved in ministering to single fathers and the opportunities are only limited by your imagination, but here are a few things we suggest:

4 Ways the Church Can Minister to Single Dads

Start a Single Dads Ministry using our Launch a Group Instructions.

MENTORING SERVICES:  Mentoring is a great way for single dads to get involved in mentoring fatherless youth. We know you are busy, but you also bring great value to the body of Christ when you can invest in children who don’t have a positive male role model. It will also give you a sense of purpose as you serve others. There are a number of great mentoring services available in different areas of the United States.  While listing below does not constitute any formal partnership, we like these two groups:

Fathers in the Field

The Mentoring Project

New Commandment Men’s Ministries allows men in the church to serve single mothers and widows in an organized way.  To institute a men’s ministry team in your church, check their website out. This is also a great way for single dads to be busy on the weekend, allowing them a chance to fellowship with other dads.

 

                Money. Just the word alone evokes strong emotion.  For many single moms, it evokes feelings of sadness, anger, desperation, or at the very least, a collective sigh of disgust or an eye roll.  The challenges of parenthood are only compounded when financial difficulties are present.  Money problems often mean exhaustion and frustration that we some parlay onto our children.  Money problems mean anger from past relationships resurface with thoughts like How could he leave us like that?! If he was still here, we wouldn’t be struggling! Money problems means you encounter sleepless nights that lead to exhaustion that lead to hindering you from being the best mom you can be.  If you are reading this and shouting Yes! That’s me!, then read on, because there are 5 key questions that you need to ask yourself about money as a single mom.

  1. What is the plan?  You may find yourself in a pickle financially right now. But if your only plan is to talk about how hard it is, then you’ll likely be in the same place a year from now.  You must get a plan.  The plan looks different for everyone. The plan needs to include long-term solutions to your financial challenges.  Long-term solutions can include: securing additional education through a vocational school or college to enhance job opportunities, opening a new at-home business to supplement income, getting your real estate license to sell homes on the weekend, or getting a second or temp job for a while. There has to be a plan to begin to dig yourself out of the proverbial financial ditch.  Otherwise, you stay there.
  2. What don’t I know?  As the old adage goes, you don’t know what you don’t know.  True, but it’s your job to find out!  What don’t you know about money? Do you understand credit history and the process to repair it? Do you know how to pursue homeownership in your future or establish a savings account or 401k plan at your job? Will your current plan be enough to send your children to college one day?  There are tons of online tools now that can help educate you on many financial areas.  There are online budgets, financial future calculators, and low and no-cost financial education classes.  Check out Single Mom University for some single mom-specific ones!
  3. Will I get bitter or better?  Sadly, many single mother struggle with the devastation of a divorce, death of a spouse, or the result of abandonment by a partner.  The devastation can lead to anger and bitterness that, left unchecked, create a root far larger and deeper than you ever intended.  None of us ever plan to get bitter! We don’t, as a little girl, dream of being a middle-aged divorcee who is still “madder than a hornet” about the circumstances she’s been forced to face. Yet, bitter is where we can wind up if we don’t choose to be better.  We don’t have a choice about the family we are born into, the socio-economic status we were in growing up, or the abandonment of a cheating spouse. We don’t have a choice about abuse we may have been subjected to or hurt that unexpectedly came our way. But we do have a choice about what how we react to our circumstances. Choose to continue to get better – better as a parent, better as a manager of money, better as a woman.  Commit to growing!
  4. Am I committed to the process even if it takes longer than I expect? The Life of a Single Mom conducted a survey in August 2017 with 113 single mothers regarding their financial situations and included questions about debt load, credit scores, median income, age, and more.  Do you know what surprised us the most? Approximately 40% indicated that lack of a plan was not their biggest obstacle! Their biggest obstacle was their willingness or dedication to stick to the plan! In other words, once you’ve gotten your plan, educated yourself on what you didn’t know, and chosen to get better, the next obstacle you will face is a commitment to the process.  Commit to put your nose to the grindstone and just power through. There will be days when it’s hard. (Lots of them). But the commitment to the process is where change happens. It’s kind of like losing weight. There will be seasons of success and high motivation, but also periods of weight loss plateaus and lack of motivation. Commit to the process yields results. Stick to it! You got this, single moms! 

 

Pureflix’s, Unplanned, the highly-anticipated pro-life, anti-abortion movie starring Ashley Bratcher released this past weekend. The movie grossed an astounding $6 million at the box office, coming in fifth for the weekend.  Considering the refusal by several major networks to even advertise for the movie, such high grossing figures are impressive. This Christian film is striking a chord within the church community, as it brings to the forefront a difficult topic – abortion. I’m so thankful for the Christian film industry that is continuing to grow and blossom, taking on the most difficult topics, in a world where a fluctuating moral compass reign supreme.

Unplanned is the personal and inspiring story of Abby Johnson, who becomes the youngest woman to have ever been named director of a Planned Parenthood organization.  Her desire was to do good for women and the organization’s exterior certainly seemed to do that. The next months and years, however, unveiled gut-wrenching abortion practices that led Johnson to make a 180-degree turn. Johnson ultimately left the organization and became one of the nation’s largest advocates for the pro-life movement.  Today, she is a nationally sought-after author,  speaker, and advocate. The movie is raw and real with a great deal of transparency in both emotion and physical practice. In fact, some may be put off by the level of detail the movie possesses. 

The movie couldn’t have been released at a more volatile or necessary time. Perhaps no time in history, since Roe v. Wade, has the subject of abortion been such a hot-button topic.  According to the Center for Disease Control, approximately 45 million babies have been aborted since 1970. More than a half-million babies a year continue to be aborted.  As most Christians would acknowledge, this has been an issue plaguing the United States for many decades, and particularly the church. While some churches have been in the fight for years, many churches have elevated their awareness and involvement on the issue in recent months, becoming more active than ever before. Since highly-publicized new legislation passed in New York earlier this year, people have come out with a new fervor to join the fight. Church leaders are appearing on major television news programs at higher rates than ever before seemingly. Flyers are being hung.  Prayer vigils are being held. Ministries are forming at abortion clinics. Pro-lifers are marching on Washington, as well as facilitating marches at community, state, and regional levels.  The outpouring of love for the unborn is necessary for those who vehemently believe that every life is precious.

While the Unplanned movie is a critical part of the dialogue on abortion, as it highlights the realities of the abortive process and the painstakingly slow healing for those who have endured the aftermath, it simply isn’t enough. Don’t get me wrong. If I was in the same room with Abby Johnson this minute, I’d give her a big hug and plenty of accolades for her bravery.  However, the dialogue can’t end with the movie or even the pro-life movement.  According to a Guttmacher Institute Study unveiled in 2004 that investigated reasons women have abortions over the course of 20 years, many women (73%) cited that they could not financially afford another child. 48% of those interviewed indicated that they did not want to be a single mom.

The church (the collective body of Christ) has done a great job of displaying for the world its position on abortion. There are amazing advocacy and pro-life movements, ministries, and speakers. Churches rarely, if ever, shy away from the voicing of Biblical truth on this issue.  Although there are some incredible pregnancy crisis clinics out there and awesome initiatives to save unborn children, this is only one part of the anti-abortion movement. Churches must be active in the fight to minister to the women AFTER they have saved babies from abortion. They must know what resources are available to women who think they cannot raise a child and abortion is the only option. Churches must be fully armed with an arsenal of tools to effectively win the war. While there are some, albeit not enough, churches who are beginning to minister to single mothers, many continue to shy away from this ministry. How can a church reconcile hosting a prayer vigil at an abortion clinic, then refuse to open a single mothers’ ministry? 

It is estimated that 2 out of 3 single mothers are not attending a local church, currently. Many cite fear of judgment, feeling that they don’t belong, or a pastor’s focus on married couples, as some of the reasons why.  Once we save a child via a pregnancy crisis center or caring conversation with a friend, what is the next step? Where do you send her? How does she get the care and tools necessary to thrive long-term? How do you support her? What about when the child is now five and the mother is overwhelmed and exhausted?

While I whole-heartedly agree that adoption ministry is necessary and gives hurting and confused women a viable option that assists in saving children, I submit to you that single mothers’ ministry is just as necessary. I have many personal friends in the adoption ministry space, many who are adoptive mothers themselves.  And they all would agree that single mother ministry is a vital part of the pro-life movement. The more tools we can place in our arsenal, the better.

It is important that single mothers know that the church will walk with them through the care of their child over the long haul. They must understand, should they choose life, that the church will not pretend they don’t exist in a year. Make no mistake. Single mothers’ ministries are not condoning unwed pregnancy.  Single mother’s ministries do not advocate for divorce and encourage women to become single mothers.  That is no more true than a drug addiction ministry promoting and supporting drug use.  Single mother’s ministries simply meet an existing need to minister to women where they are. It reaches into the depths of a hurting family that is overwhelmed with financial strain, parenting stress, and emotional weight and says, “We see you. We love you. You are welcome here.”  It shows, in a practical way, the love of Jesus and the peace he offers that the world cannot. 

While I often say that I would love for all babies to be born to two-parent homes and for marriages to never fail and spouses to never die and dads to never be incarcerated or killed in the line of duty, the reality is approximately 22 million children are being raised by single mothers in the United States today.  We must be on the front lines of the pro-life movement. And we must simultaneously be on the front lines of meeting people where they are, including single mothers raising children alone.

Post-abortive care to hurting women is so necessary and churches should be leading in this arena. We must be light carriers and hope givers, when a woman’s world is crumbling and falling apart. Adoption services and ministries are likewise critical in communities and a necessary part of ministry to the body of Christ.  As we look for ways to save babies, adoption into loving and caring homes should absolutely be part of the dialogue.  But, why, do churches still continue to shy away from single moms’ ministry, as if somehow single mothers should be forever thrown to the wolves to figure this thing called life out alone. This is the very reason I founded The Life of a Single Mom, more than a decade ago.  For those who haven’t yet considered single mothers’ ministry because it simply hasn’t come to mind, this is for you. I pray you will consider the hurting women sitting just outside the walls of your church who is desperate for the hope you can offer her through Christ.

The Life of a Single Mom Ministries is blessed and honored by the hundreds of churches throughout the United States who have stepped up to the line of duty and launched single mothers’ programs to meet the needs of her family. A church with a single moms’ ministry has a 58% higher chance of reaching and retaining single mothers from the community. Did you know that 65% of  single moms’ who connect to a single moms’ ministry attend for more than 6 months? Thank you to those churches who get it.  Thank you to those churches who have said yes, year after year, to host single moms’ Christmas parties and holiday outreaches and mentoring programs for their children. Thank you to the churches who have seen single moms’ ministry as a critical part of their pro-life stance. Does your church currently have a single mothers’ program? Does it offer parenting encouragement, financial education classes, networking opportunities, and spiritual growth? Effective single moms’ ministry goes beyond a one-time event or 6-week class. Single moms’ ministry is about assisting single mothers in raising their children up in the way they should go. If you go to a church that does not have a viable single moms program or the one you currently have could use some help, please let us help you. We’d be honored to do so.

The Life of a Single Mom Ministries is a national nonprofit dedicated to seeing no single mothers walking alone. More than 80,000 single mothers connect to our ministry each year through single mom events, workshops, and support groups.  We have served more than 1,500 churches, community centers, and nonprofits in helping launch or improve a single moms’ ministry. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.

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