Should Pastors Care about Losing Members to Other Churches?
My husband and I have been attending church together for over 25 years. In that time, we participated in committees, Sunday School, and evangelism. We also left the church we had attended for many years. After we left, the interim pastor came up to us and asked if he did something to make us leave. He was genuinely concerned and frankly I was a bit shocked. Of course, there were no hard feelings toward the church that shaped us. We just felt God’s that calling on our lives was changing, and that included changing our membership.
God called us to become a family in pastoral ministry and my husband became the pastor of a small church in West Virginia. The church was struggling, and we lost a few members for various reasons. When those members left, we felt a hole in both our church and our hearts. What we learned is that we could not gloss over our feelings. It hurt and we were fearful of what would happen in the hearts of the members left.
I want to answer the following questions: Why do members of the church leave, and should pastors care about losing members to other churches? I believe pastors should care, but what can they do to move past the hurt of losing church members?
Reasons for Leaving
Church attrition, or decline of church membership, usually hovers around 10% to 15% per year. Pre-pandemic, around 3,500 people were leaving their religious congregations each year. According to Lifeway Research, church membership is at 85% of the pre-pandemic rate.
When we look at these numbers, we must ask why are people leaving their churches? Well, there are lots of reasons, more than we can address here.
Some reasons for leaving include theological differences or church hurt. Members also leave because a friend or family member is leaving. Maybe there is a preference for another church’s ministries. Sometimes a relocation due to a job or life change requires members to change churches.
Whatever the reason for leaving, pastors still feel the sting.
Why Should Pastors Care?
As a pastor’s wife, my perspective is probably biased, but I believe pastors care about losing church members because they care about their church members. Pastors are called to shepherd the flock God has given them and remember that their flock is made up of the same people that Jesus shed his blood for. Act 20:28 says “Be on guard for yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has appointed you as overseers to shepherd the church of God, which he purchased with his own blood.” 1 Peter 5:2 instructs pastors to “Shepherd God’s flock among you, not overseeing out of compulsion, but willingly as God would have you.”
Shepherding their flocks requires them to have close contact with each member. Pastors experience ground-level exposure to members’ lives. My husband always spoke of how much he loved and appreciated every member of our little church. Our members were our family.
The answer to why a pastor cares about losing church members to another church is because they see their flock as a God-given responsibility. They strive each day to love each one as Jesus loves them. If a pastor does not care about their flock, then they are not following God’s command to love one another. “Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another” (John 13:34).
What Emotions Do Pastors Feel When Church Members Go Elsewhere?
Pastors are not super-human. God calls them to do a divine job, but they are still just regular humans who experience all the emotions sinful humanity brings. To be a pastor means you are vulnerable to the many issues that can and will arise in a congregation.
When church members leave, oftentimes the pastor will experience self-doubt. They are left wondering if they did something wrong. Everything is called into question. The unfortunate effects of self-doubt can lead those in leadership to question themselves and the ministries they are leading.
Guilt and fear can creep into the minds of pastors. They will blame themselves for members leaving the church. They blame themselves for the shortage of ministry workers in the church. All this guilt eventually will turn into fear. Will the congregation be upset and blame the pastor for what has happened? Will other members start leaving? How will the church survive financially? Is this the beginning of something worse? Not knowing how the church will respond to a loss is scary.
Pastors can also feel hurt when a member leaves. The act of moving a membership can feel like personal rejection. There can be a strong temptation to think “all that time I invested in them, and this is what I get in return.” Their actions can even seem like a betrayal. You are hurt because you feel you were not given the chance to make things right.
How Can a Pastor Heal from the Loss of a Church Member
In life, we will all experience hellos and goodbyes. In the ministry it can feel like there are more goodbyes than hellos. It is during the goodbyes that we are tested. Our life on the straight and narrow becomes bumpy. It is during these bumps that we must take action and respond to the loss in a way that garners healing and restoration.
The first piece of advice I can give is to feel the hurt. A person who is hurt will never heal if they suppress their feelings. God created our emotions and therefore understands that we need to acknowledge them and experience them.
Pastors also must not lose heart in their church and calling. Despite all the difficulties and struggles you will or have experienced God is still in control. God finds pleasure in the act of preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. Paul expresses this truth in 2 Corinthians 4:1-6. He realized that ministry was not a performance. It is relying on God to accomplish his purpose. Pastors must remember that their ministry is God’s ministry. Even though you are hurting, God is using that hurt for His glory.
Remember to be grateful for the congregation that you have been appointed to shepherd. The loss you are experiencing is not a defining moment in your ministry. You still have a congregation to serve.
Pastors should reach out to the members that have left, and for those who left, it is okay to ask why. Reaching out is a way to get answers to the nagging questions on your heart. You can evaluate your strengths and weaknesses according to the answers you receive. You might even learn there are no grievances. The move could be related to a job change or life situation.
My last piece of advice is to pray and not forget that the church you pastor is not your church. It is God’s church. When you pray, be vulnerable with God. Express how you are feeling in totality. Through your prayers God will reveal what His plan is for the church and those that make up its congregation.
So, should a pastor care about losing members to another church? Yes! If we are to love like Jesus, then we, as pastors or as church members cannot help but care. Our grief and hurt are present because we care, and through our pain we can strengthen our ministries and deepen our faith in the one who has absolute control.
Photo credit: Unsplash/ Andrew Seaman
Originally published June 03, 2025.
