7 Crucial Differences between Righteous Boldness and Rudeness
You’ll often find yourself in situations where you know you should speak up, such as sharing the Gospel or fighting against evil in this fallen world. In those situations, you need to be bold, like Jesus was. But if you’re not careful how you express yourself when you’re speaking with boldness, you can end up being harsh or unkind.
If you confuse boldness with rudeness, people won’t pay attention to your messages, and you won’t represent Jesus well. So, it’s important to discern the difference between rudeness and righteous boldness.
Before your next conversation where you stand up for what you believe is right, plan to deliver your message in ways that avoid being rude and inspire people to listen. Here are seven ways to know the difference between rudeness and righteous boldness.
1. Righteous Boldness Stands for Truth. Rudeness Just Wants to Win
When you speak boldly for God’s truth, your motive must be love – not pride, ego, or the thrill of being right. Righteous boldness involves defending what’s good and true, even if it’s unpopular, because you love people enough to do so.
But rudeness often comes from a desire to dominate a conversation, prove someone wrong, or get the last word. The Bible encourages us in Ephesians 4:15 to “speak the truth in love,” which shows that truth alone isn’t enough. You need to put love into action to help you speak the truth well.
In contrast, 1 Corinthians 13:1 warns: “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” Truth without love becomes only noise. So before speaking, pause and ask questions like these:
“How much do I really care about this person?”
“Am I trying to bring them closer to Jesus, or just trying to be right by winning an argument?”
If love isn’t driving your boldness, you’re falling into rudeness, no matter how right your message might be.
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2. Righteous Boldness Is Led by the Holy Spirit. Rudeness Is Driven by Emotions
2. Righteous Boldness Is Led by the Holy Spirit. Rudeness Is Driven by Emotions
Righteous boldness flows from a strong connection with the Holy Spirit. When you’re being righteously bold, you have self-control, gentleness, kindness, wisdom, and discernment – which all come from the Holy Spirit’s work in your life.
Rudeness, on the other hand, often bubbles up from emotions you haven’t fully processed yet – especially anger or frustration. Rudeness is what happens when you react rather than respond. Spirit-led boldness is never impulsive or destructive.
James 1:19-20 advises: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” Before starting a challenging conversation, it’s wise to pray first. Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and alert you if you’re feeling rushed or too emotional to speak without being rude at that time.
Wait for the right time to speak up. Make sure you’re not in a hurry and that you’re feeling calm before speaking. Trust the Holy Spirit to guide you to the right words and the best ways to express yourself.
3. Righteous Boldness Respects People. Rudeness Disrespects People
Jesus modeled perfect boldness, but he never lost sight of people’s worth, even when confronting sin. For example, when Jesus talked with the woman at the well (John 4), he wasn’t rude to her, even though he knew she was living in sin. Jesus treated her with dignity as he talked with her about how to worship.
Rudeness tears people down by disrespecting their humanity. But if you express yourself with righteous boldness, you can disagree with people’s choices without demeaning their value. Philippians 2:3 reminds us: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”
Colossians 4:6 encourages us: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Seasoning your conversations with salt involves sharing the truth with people in ways that preserve their dignity and make them feel cared for rather than hurt by harsh words.
Ask God to give you the discernment you need to speak wisely. You can respect people while being bold by watching not just what you say, but how you say it. Pay attention to your timing, tone of voice, and body language. Consider how you would want to be treated if someone was talking to you. Do your best to respect everyone as you talk boldly about God’s truth.
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4. Righteous Boldness Inspires People to Change. Rudeness Pushes People Away
4. Righteous Boldness Inspires People to Change. Rudeness Pushes People Away
When boldness is righteous, it leads people toward reflection, repentance, and spiritual growth. It inspires them to live holy lives. But when boldness turns into rudeness, it usually causes people to become defensive and walk away from conversations.
Proverbs 15:1 says: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Similarly, 2 Timothy 2:24-25 urges: “The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance.”
Don’t ever shut people down. Instead, try to open their eyes to the truth, in a way that God can use. So, if your words are pushing people away, ask God to show you how you can give them space to hear God’s voice instead of your own voice.
5. Righteous Boldness Focuses on Love. Rudeness Focuses on Self
Righteous boldness comes from love – love for God, God’s truth, and people. But rudeness usually comes from focusing on self-righteousness.
In 1 Corinthians 16:14, the Bible encourages us to: “Do everything in love.” Romans 12:10 says: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” When love is your motive for boldly speaking up, God can use your words for healing instead of harm.
Carefully consider why you want to speak up. Is it out of genuine concern for someone’s soul, or are you just trying to show that you’re right about something? Ask God to help direct your focus to the right motives before you speak up. Then, speak in ways that show you really care about people.
Avoid being loud and argumentative. Treat the people you’re speaking to with caring respect, like Jesus would.
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6. Righteous Boldness Listens before Speaking. Rudeness Assumes and Accuses
6. Righteous Boldness Listens before Speaking. Rudeness Assumes and Accuses
An important part of righteous boldness is the willingness to listen well to people before speaking. Don’t bulldoze your way through a conversation. Try to listen more than you talk. Listening well to people will help them feel safe enough to talk with you, and to seriously consider what you have to say.
Be courageous enough to try to understand another’s point of view. Ask questions and show that you care about the people who are talking, even when you don’t share their opinions.
Avoid jumping to conclusions, cutting people off, assuming the worst, or accusing people of being wrong before you really understand them. Proverbs 18:13 points out: “To answer before listening – that is folly and shame.” James 1:19 advises: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
Jesus modeled this kind of bold listening powerfully. When people approached Jesus, Jesus asked them questions. Jesus let them speak while he listened carefully. For example, instead of condemning the woman caught in adultery (John 8), Jesus gave her patient listening and a compassionate response, in the process of telling her the truth. So, before telling people about God’s truth, make sure you really understand the person’s story and let them speak enough first.
7. Righteous Boldness Points to Jesus. Rudeness Points to You
Righteous boldness should always direct people’s attention to Jesus instead of to yourself. Don’t worry about trying to show people how right or brave you are. Avoid seeking any kind of validation or control through your conversations with people. Instead, just do your best to shine a light in the darkness of this fallen world that points people to Jesus.
In John 3:30, John the Baptist declares about Jesus: “He must become greater; I must become less.” As you try to show people more of Jesus and less of yourself, you’ll serve God well. As 2 Corinthians 4:5 says: “For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake.”
Righteous boldness is all about serving God and other people by leading them to Jesus as their Savior. It’s not about impressing others with how well you speak. So, do your best to inspire people to think more about Jesus, instead of more about you. Draw their attention to Jesus’ character, rather than your own opinions. Help people learn more about Jesus when you speak the truth to them. When you point people to Jesus, they can hear your most challenging words with grace.
In conclusion, God calls you to share his truth, but not to be harsh or hurtful. Righteous boldness is courageous, loving, and led by the Holy Spirit. Rudeness is the opposite. Being rude may feel strong in the moment, but it doesn’t show the Holy Spirit at work. In order to represent Jesus well in this world, you need both courage and kindness.
Ask the Holy Spirit to help you as you deal with difficult conversations, online debates, and other situations when you know you should speak up. Try to let Jesus’ love flow through you as you share his truth, both in what you say, and in how you say it!
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Originally published August 14, 2025.
