Signs of the Times

On a ski lift:
"No jumping from the lift.
Survivors will be prosecuted."

Official sign near door: Door Alarmed.
Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.

Advertising a corporate wide skiing race:
Let's see who can go downhill the fastest!

Seen in King's Canyon in California:
'Slow Parking Ahead'

Restrooms

<-----

Please wait for hostess to seat you.

Seen in a health food store:

"Shoplifters will be beaten over the head
Repeatedly with an organic carrot"

"Children left unattended
Will be towed at parents expense"