10 Tangible Ways to Celebrate the Holidays with Those Who are Grieving

1. Extend an invitation

Perhaps your person in grief would like a change of scenery. They may not feel much like decorating the house, or having the  traditional meal. But perhaps they would appreciate an invitation to your home. God values hospitality. Read 1 Peter 4:9.

One person told me when she was grieving, she still wanted the invitations—even if she didn’t come, it was nice to be included. And if they do take you up on your offer, remember they are still trying to navigate their grief. Give them freedom to feel how they feel. It can be a quiet dinner without too many people. What you are doing is providing a safe place where your friend or family member can feel wanted and cared for. 

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2. Take your griever out for a special meal

Perhaps going out somewhere special might be easier for the person in grief. You can find this out ahead of time, giving you ample room to make a reservation if needed. And having a small gift bag or token gift for them might be something that will touch their heart. While going to a home is warm and special, your griever may not feel up to that as yet. It might be easier to go to a place with no memories.

Read 2 Corinthians 1:4. When we are with those who are hurting, we can comfort them with the comfort God gives us. We are meant to pass it on—not keep it for ourselves. Be prepared in case they seem open to your invitation, but at the last moment they cancel. Ask God to give you understanding if this is new for you.

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3. Give your time

Read Psalm 145:18. One of the most valuable things to me was knowing that God was available whenever I needed him. I could always call on him.

Those in grief feel especially fragile during the holidays. They picture everyone with their families and loved ones, and they feel alone. Making yourself available if your griever needs to talk is a wonderful gift of love. We take great comfort in knowing whenever we need our Father, He’s right there. He never puts us on hold, but he’s there 24/7.

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4. Give a care basket

You can take your time with making a special care basket. Read 1 Peter 5:7. You can explain why you chose to give them a care basket--that since God cares for them, you share that same feeling. As you choose each item for the basket, you can lift your griever up to the Lord. God can even give you ideas of what would touch his/her heart,  for God knows everything about them.

Some ideas for a care basket include scented candles, a new book, special teas or gourmet hot chocolate packets. Perhaps you could include a CD of music or a movie. Maybe your griever loves a certain cookie. Homemade cookies have a way of warming a person’s heart.

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5. Offer to cook a meal for your griever

Perhaps you can offer to cook a meal for your loved one. Chances are, cooking around the holidays can be a chore or an added burden to the one in grief. And you can either do it at his/her house, or bring the meal completed with all it’s wonderful aroma. Read Luke 10: 38-42. When Jesus came over to Mary and Martha’s house, he pointed out that what Mary did was of more value than worrying about the preparations. So keep it simple enough so your friend/family member feels important.

And the conversation is not the issue—just your presence is enough. It will provide warmth and safety. 

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6. Have a tree planted in memory of your griever's loved one

Psalm 96:12. God loves trees. They are one of his favorites. How fitting that you could order a tree to be planted in the honor of a loved one. Your griever is sure to appreciate this gesture—especially if you share how God loves trees, too. It can be a gift from you and God.

It can provide a special place wherever your griever chooses to plant it. And as he/she sits under the shelter of the tree in years to come, they will remember how much God loves them, even in their pain. What could be better than giving something living to someone who is grieving death?

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7. Share the gift of stories with the griever

One fear those in grief have is that their loved one will be forgotten. What better way to ensure this doesn’t happen than to consciously think of some memories you have of their loved one and put them on index cards for them. Then they can take them out and enjoy each and every one of them knowing that those memories still remain. Otherwise, they may enjoy you sharing those out loud with them.

Be prepared to see tears, because tears are an important part of the healing process. God values our tears. Read Psalm 56:8. If they were not important to God, he wouldn’t save them. Sometimes what means the most is that we share their grief.

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8. Show compassion

Read Colossians 3:12. One idea someone came up with for a grieving person was getting a teddy bear made from a piece of clothing of the lost loved one. Some hospice groups can refer you to someone who does this.The griever can know we have compassion when we place that special gift in their hands.

And we can show patience in letting our loved ones take all the time they need to grieve. This is their last outward sign of love towards the one they lost. We can at least give that to them.

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9. Remember that some grievers hold onto traditions

For some, using their china or making their favorite recipes brings comfort to the griever’s heart. But because everyone is different, others find they are unable to do this yet. One woman shared that when she lost her nephew, their family continued the tradition of having a silly string fight outside. It gave her comfort to enjoy something she enjoyed with him.

I can almost picture my loved ones up in heaven enjoying the times I think of them, and being happy when they see me laughing like I used to when they were here. I have shared little stories my mother told me with my children and grandchildren. In a way, it is sharing my mom.

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10. Serving the person who is in grief

You know that no gift will seem right for your griever, but sometimes the gift of service done in the name of their loved one will speak volumes. God wants us to serve one another. But what a wonderful concept to honor the person they miss in this special way. A donation may be made in the name of the griever’s loved one. You can use your imagination on this one, customizing it to fit the one who is grieving.

And the wonderful thing is, when we serve another, we are fulfilling what God asks us to do. Read Colossians 3:17. We serve Christ when we serve each other.

You can also serve your griever. Being out around all the festive stores is difficult for the person who’s grieving. Offer to pick up groceries, or do errands. Maybe they need help buying a gift. Your offer to help will touch their broken heart, helping them to know how much God loves them, even as they are in pain.

Anne Peterson is a speaker, poet, and published author who is a regular contributor to Crosswalk. Anne has published 14 books including her memoir, Broken: A story of abuse, survival and hope. Anne believes life is hard, so she writes words to make it softer. Connect with Anne on her Website, Facebook or see her articles on Medium. You can also sign up for her newsletter and receive her free Ebook: Helping Someone in Grief: 17 Things You Need to Know.

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