Helping Someone You Love: Focus On What and How Not Why
"Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:4-5 NIV
Thoughts for Today
This week we have looked at some things to do when a loved one has a life-controlling problem. We can't fix our loved ones' problems, but we can help them by confronting them in love, helping them tear down their wall of defenses, brick by brick, until they are able to see themselves as they really are. Only then will they be able to move ahead toward recovery.
An important element of effective caring confrontation is to focus on what and how, not on why. The why question only serves to raise people's defenses and makes it more difficult to penetrate their state of delusion. Instead, talk about observable behaviors that can be described by such words as what, how, when or where.
Why may break the communication because it questions motive. Yes, their motives may be wrong, but their delusion can best be penetrated by presenting the facts in a non-threatening way.
Consider this …
Remember that God is with both you and your loved one. Ask him to show you what to do, to teach you wisdom, and to guide youin this journey. He loves you both and with him, all things are possible.
Father, I ask you to show me your ways, teach me your paths, and guide me in your truth. In Jesus' name
These thoughts were drawn from …
Close But Not Too Close by Dr. Jimmy Ray Lee. A complement to the Concerned Persons small group study, this booklet is written primarily for those who want to help someone close to them who is enslaved by the stronghold of a life-controlling issue. It is also designed to help someone who is suffering the consequences of a loved one's problem.
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