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<< She Seeks

She Seeks - Week of July 12

  • 2010 Jul 12


{nothing's wrong}

how one truth trumped a multitude of lies

Hi, my name is Samantha. [Everyone in unison, now...."Hi Samantha."]

I'm 32, single and have no kids [SWNK].

Typical responses tend to be: "Why aren't you married? You're too sweet! You're so pretty. But you're so good with kids!"

{Permission to roll your eyes, granted.}

My inward response, accompanying the clinching of my jaw through a forced smile is something like, "Don't you think if I knew what the problem was, I'd fix it?" My hunch is that if you are over 18 and SWNK you not only relate to these feelings but have experienced these seemingly condescending verbal "pat-on-the-backs," too.

Perhaps the grace has worn off, my hope has run out and disappointment has rendered me jaded. But the married well-meaners attempting to make me feel normal for being SWNK has become downright hurtful. Years of these comments have dragged me down and dampened what faith I do have. Not only that, but it turns me off from wanting to engage in any conversation about marriage or my desire for it. Including conversations with the Lord.

Honestly, I will do just about anything to avoid talking about how I dream of marriage. And not just the fairy tale part, because I'm a realist. I've dated. I'll leave the rainbow connection to the dreamers, lovers and Kermit. Bring on the nitty-gritty, can't-stand-your-face much less the-way-you-breathe stuff. Because on the flip side of that is the nitty-gritty, can't-stand-life-without-you stuff.

All but 3.5 of my friends are married, so ask me anything about marriage and I'll probably know the answer. Now don't get me wrong -- I really do love hearing stories, but I long to be able to share my marriage stories in return. So I compare myself with those who are married. What do they have that I don't? Why them and not me? What have I done that exempts me from marriage? Why aren't I married? Why?

Just recently God took extreme measures to speak to me about my marriage doubts, fear, hopes and dreams for a family. He literally had to take me around the world, to the country of El Salvador, to present me with some truth He'd been trying to tell me for years, but I wouldn't listen.

At the end of the week on the way to the airport, out of the blue my friend, Brad, started talking with me about marriage. My guard went up. I didn't want to defend the "why" questions. But this conversation was different. It was as if the Lord gave Brad x-ray vision into the deep recesses of my heart.

"It haunts you, doesn't it? It keeps you up at night. Wondering why. 'Why aren't I married? What's wrong with me?' I know, because it once haunted me, too."

I wanted to deflect this conversation, and the hurt built up from the years of unanswered "whys." Yes, my thoughts haunt me. But then God used five little words to wash them and the pain and doubts away.

"There's nothing wrong with you."

At that moment, "trapped" in a conversation I didn't ask for on a bus halfway across the globe, all the "whys" were left voiceless from one simple voice of truth...His truth. Years of frustrated heartache and wondering sleepless nights were washed away.

That is the same message I share today, with you. Girl, there is nothing wrong with you. You are okay. Better than okay, just as you are. You don't have to be funnier, cuter, quieter, trendier, spiritualer. Rather than defending yourself from other people's whys and your own personal questions, I encourage you to let those five words fight for you as they did for me. If for no other reason, because they are true. There is nothing wrong with you.


The Bible

Song of Solomon 4:7, "There is no flaw in you." (NIV)

Sam's perfect day would be hanging with friends while serving the Lord (preferably overseas!), drinking Antigua coffee and kicking it to bluegrass, sweet worship or Lecrae. Throw in a game of ultimate Frisbee, a captivating read, and some lemon/raspberry bars and she's in heaven! For more musings, visit http://fieldsgold.blogspot.com/

Come on over to She Seeks and share.

© 2010 by Samantha Reed. All rights reserved.

A Division of Proverbs 31 Ministries


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