You might be becoming too fundamentalish when...
§ You enjoy talking to people in King James English.
§ You are building your own pulpit for your living room.
§ You think hair tonic is Biblical.
§ You find June Cleaver attractive.
§ You believe Moses should have shaved.
§ You have a portrait of Sodom and Gomorrah, the day after they were nuked.
§ You pronounce it "Bab-tist."
§ You say "Gosh Darn."
§ You scrawl Bible verses on the bathroom walls at Stuckeys.
§ You thought Back to the Future was a movie about Biblical Prophecy.
§ You store tracts in your cellular phone carrying case.
§ You can trace Saddam Hussein's genealogy to Nebuchadnezzar.
§ You think genuflect is a type of mirror.
§ You wish you could preach like Louis Farrakhan.
§ You know that unscrambling "Santa" is "Satan."
§ You exchange any currency that has three 6's in a row.
§ You think credit cards are a tool of the devil to identify you to the Anti-Christ.
§ You think that bar codes are demonic.
§ You think the band K.I.S.S. means Knights in Satan's Service.
§ You found back-masking on Amy Grant's albums.
§ You think that Gregorian Chants are a tool of the devil
§ You think Victoria's Secret is an Illuminati conspiracy.
§ You know the writing on the Statue of Liberty's tablet was put there by a Mason, in an lluminati conspiracy.
§ You have a chart of the hidden symbols of the dollar bill.
< § You think movies are a tool of the devil.
v § You think Pat Robertson was okay till he ran for president.
§ Your idea of a happin' weekend is to attend an anti-Catholic seminar.
§ You think the guy with the long hair and John 3:16 sign at golf tournaments is liberal.
§ You think Jerry Falwell is liberal.
§ You think Jesus is liberal.
§ You think Deviled ham is a conspiracy of the Illumnati.
§ You call Israel "the Holy Land."
§ You think a modem is a tool of the devil.
§ You think Charlton Heston was great in the Ten Commandments ...but you repent of watching it because movies are a tool of the devil.
§ You pronounce "repent" as "rheeeee-paint!"
§ You say Amen more than once an hour.
§ You pray so long your food gets cold.
§ You argue Pat Buchanan is misunderstood.
§ You think Burt Reynolds was great in Smoky and the Bandit ...but you repent of watching it because movies are a tool of the devil.
§ You have a fish on the back of your car, your boat, your bicycle and your briefcase... you'd get a tattoo, but they're tools of the devil.
§ Your wife puts a scripture tract in your lunch.
§ You have your name stamped on your 10+ Bibles.
§ You know four Greek words for love and their different usage's.
§ You think Notre Dame football team are all secretly Jesuit priests in an Illuminati conspiracy.
§ You name your children after the apostles.
§ You become an Amway dealer to evangelize in disguise.
§ You like being an Amway dealer.
(P.S. Agape, Agapao, Eros & Phileo)
Originally published November 14, 2002.
